How to NOT invite specific family members.

Blame the venue. "oh, we're so sorry, but the venue can only fit x number of people. If we go over we violate the fire code, and they'll shut the whole event down. We had to make such hard decisions, it was really difficult for us."

100 is NOT small.

I would not pick and choose from the same "level" of family members such as inviting some aunts/uncles and not others, or some cousins and not others. That is certain to cause hurt feelings and drama.

It's better to invite in circles. All aunts and uncles or none. All cousins or none.

We're in the same situation. I'm taking my mom's advice and inviting by generation. If you invite certain aunts and uncles, but not others, you're playing favorites. Instead, invite all or none from a certain generation. It's a lot easier to explain, and hopefully not too many feelings will be hurt. Good luck!

How about the aunts and uncles no cousins. Have a no children wedding too that can cut a bunch maybe

It is not okay to pass the buck. If you can't afford to have them there, tell them that. Don't blame it on some bs nonsense about the venue, when it's just you wanting to save money or have a "smaller" group of people.

My cousin invited me to their ceremony but not reception, they had at a small cruise restaurant, so it was understandable! I wouldn't try to explain and be sorry for it, it's your wedding and nowadays people should understand how expensive it is to pay per person.

Definitely cut out kids if you haven't already, we went from around 180 people to about 100. We cut out a lot of friends but we also cut out some extended family. As of now, aunts/uncles and 1st cousins are on the list along with grandparents and great grandparents but we aren't inviting distant cousins or random family members. It's hard because we still love all those family members obviously and wish we could invite them all, but I think people do understand weddings are crazy expensive when you have a ton of guests.

I can't imagine inviting some of my aunts and uncles and not the others. I would be offended if that happened to me. I think you should try to cut the list in other ways.

My cousin and her husband chose to split the cousins. She only invited female cousins and her husband only invited male cousins. It was strange since I was invited, but my brother wasn't but I understood the need to keep costs down.

Defitely invite circles of relatives. For example, no second cousins, only first cousins. If you're only inviting half of the aunts and uncles and they're all related that's going to be tough...

"My cousin invited me to their ceremony but not reception, they had at a small cruise restaurant, so it was understandable! I wouldn't try to explain and be sorry for it, it's your wedding and nowadays people should understand how expensive it is to pay per person."

@Margarita your cousin was extremely rude. You should never invite someone to the ceremony and not the reception. The reception is to thank them for coming to the ceremony.

@Samantha there is no way to do what you're suggesting without causing drama. It's impossible. What you need to do, as others have said, is invite in circles. Either invite all aunts and uncles or no aunts and uncles. The only way you could do what you suggested is if you were inviting from one side of the family and not the other because you know one side and haven't met the other (for instance, my uncle on my dad's side and I are close, but I've never met my uncle on my mom's side). But to invite aunts and uncles on the same side of the family while not inviting other aunts and uncles at the same level will not go over well and is bound to cause hurt feelings.

First, you don't tell them they aren't invited. You send invites to those who are. Second, I would not suggest picking a choosing from the same generation.

I agree with @Emily S. I definitely wouldn't have 1 uncle or aunt and leave the others out. Cutting out entire groups instead of the individuals like you're saying makes it seem less exclusive, IMO.

@Emily @BlairWaldorf @Kadie @Lauren @MauiK @Elizabeth

Thank you all for the advice! I'd like to clear up it really has nothing to do with cutting costs. It's more of an intimate affair that we're striving for as opposed to worrying on finances. Some aunts/uncles he is extremely close to...others he hasn't seen or talked in over 5+ years. All of these aunts, uncles, and cousins are ALL 1st generation. His dad's side of the family consists of 6 brothers/sisters all of whom are married and have 3-4 children (his cousins). His mother's side has 7 brothers/sisters all of whom are married with 2-4 children. I hope this explains a little more as to why it's difficult to only choose 1st cousins, aunts and uncles. We're not trying to be rude by excluding family members, but again we wanted this intimate. If we could have it at 50-60 people we would, but to make it less complicated we decided to increase the number to accommodate more family members. This is NOT an easy task and what it's coming down to is we're making a lot of changes and decisions that are now compromising our wedding ideals to everyone else's feelings.

I agree with these ladies mostly, but I had a recent situation where a cousin that has openly ostracized me for years got mad at me for not inviting her. I explained to her that she wasn't invited because she doesn't respond to anything I try to talk to her about and her actions indicate she wants nothing to do with me. But if she does want to be involved in my life then she needs to contact me at her earliest convenience. Haven't heard a peep in months. Must not have been important enough.

Overall message: invite who you reasonably can and who you want to be there, especially if you're footing the entire bill. Cutting out children is a godsend too, if you have a lot in your family.

If the family members expect to be invited, you probably can't do what you want without hurting feelings or causing drama. Maybe get the word out that you have a budget issue and the wedding will be small. Expect blowback on it no matter what you do because if the norm in his family is that you invite everyone, that is what they will expect.

Some of his relatives might be relieved that they aren't invited.

You invite the ones closest to you. I am not inviting all my parents siblings. There is much drama there and I do not want any part of that for my wedding. If someone asks you why they are not invited you tell them you are keeping it as small as possible due to budget and venue reasons. If my uncle, who I am not inviting asked me I would be honest and say because you and my mother cannot get along and always start drama. I am not close to this uncle so I don't care. It was more a courtesy to my parents. My family is tricky because I also have a step-family. We are inviting our first cousins (no second cousins.) I am not close to my step-family so it might just end up being my step-moms parents and siblings and their spouses invited. And if any step-cousins ask I'd say the budget and venue reason.

@ rmatts16 @Junebug @MustLoveCats

Thank you for your advice!! It has been extremely helpful to have a little more thought being put into these posts!

Congratulations to all the future brides and groomsmen by the way! Very excited for all of your upcoming weddings!

My mom is one of 9 and my dad is one of 10..... That is just aunts/uncles...Moms side alone - 1st cousins = 23, 2nd cousins 66..... That's not including any spouses/significant others.. How did I cut my list??? I love each and everyone of my cousins, but I'm sorry, if I haven't spoke to you in a year, you're not invited... If you didn't speak to me the last time I saw you, you're not invited.. Same goes with Aunts and Uncles... I let my parents work on that guest list... I have one aunt that we invited to my sister in laws baby shower this past june and she said to my other aunt "Who is scott?".... My aunt said.... Your nephew.... She responded OOOOOOH that scott... BUH BYE.... YOU need to realized the relationship you have with all of these individuals you have on the list.. One thing I have been thinking strongly about is, can I picture my day without them there? if so, cut them off the list..