How to let someone know they aren't invited ?

Does she actually ask straight up "am i invited?" because if all she is saying is that she is excited for it, it could just mean she's excited for you in general

View Quoted Comment This. I wouldn’t address it with her unless she outright asks.

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Oh that's good advice! Thank you!

“Unfortunately, we have to keep our guest list to close friends and family because of the pandemic.”

I wouldn't want to hurt feelings either, so I would explain to her that you had to cut the guest list considerably to stay in compliance with all the restrictions so you aren't inviting anyone from work. It would make it a lot less "you're not invited", so hopefully feelings will be spared. Good luck!

This kind of thing always feels awkward, but you have the best reason in the world right now to limit your guest list to family and very close friends. Use it!

Also, I generally agree not to tell people they aren't invited unless they directly ask you. But it sounds like she does bring it up a lot and, since it's a work relationship thing, I think it's a good idea to shut this down decisively.

Ugh. The awkwardness. Next time she asks and you share something maybe add, “We’re just a little bummed because of Covid and other reasons, we’ll be having a small private family.” That way if she asks about an invite you can reply, “No, we can’t invite any work friends.”

Has she specifically asked if she is invited? Many people don't do that. Lots of people are happy for and with you but that doesn't mean they are seeking out an invitation in any way. Chances are she's in the 2nd group and isn't seeking an invitation. You don't say a word about the guest list in that situation.

In the rare case that she actually did ask for an invitation (saying "am I invited? can't wait to party with you") you would reply with, "the guest list has already been decided". But you don't mention that until you absolutely have to.

But that doesn't mean that the office can't host a shower for you if they choose, as is very common.

I have found that a lot of people who do that, do not have any expectation of coming at all. Like when you see someone every now and then and ask How are you? It is really a greeting, and polite conversation opener. They are being polite, interested because it is a happy time for you, and your happiness or excitement shows when you share news. But they don't want to spend a day and $200 on clothes and a gift to spend 6 hours with two extended families, and the couple's friends, any more than most people who say ' how are you want to hear about the hemhoroids, a huge surgical bill, and how you are taking anti-depressents because your mom is running around on your dad and you cannot cope. Some fish for invitations. Most don't want to actually come, and would not pay for a catered meal for you and a SO if places were reversed.
Just trying to be nice and get you talking.

I would just mention that you had to cut it to just family and let her assume she was on it to start, but got cut with all your other friends. Then you don't have to actually say "you were never invited anyways." It's a lie of omission, but it won't do any good to make her feel bad about it when the outcome is the same.

I agree with the others who have said she could just be excited for you in general. And I know I’ve gotten it from others who are just plain excited that I’m finally getting married and those who are excited to see the pictures after the fact.

I’ve got something a bit similar at work but a bit tougher. I teach kindergarten and I love 3 of the other K teachers on my team, but the 4th one drives me nuts. As soon as I got engaged really M (the one who drives me nuts) basically invited herself to the wedding, and that just irked me. Originally, I was looking at a venue almost 3 hours from school, so M said well I won’t come then, but I ended up choosing a location only 30 minutes away from where I teach and I’d really like to invite my coworkers that I love and have gotten close to, but I know if I leave her out I still have to work with her afterwards and deal with hurt feelings.

I can relate, my coworker asks me about my wedding and at first I thought about inviting her and her husband because it was just the two of us, but the office staff has grown so I think as long as you're not inviting anyone from work I say you shouldn't worry. I also agree with PP that if she doesn't ask you don't need to address it.

We had people hint and just come out and ask. We just let them know that we were having an intimate day with only family but that we hoped to celebrate with them at another time.

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Yeah I think that's what I will do. I hate to say it but COVID-19 is a great excuse to let people know they aren't invited

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Yeah you are probably right! Thats a good perspective