How to handle guests who didn’t gift?

We went to a wedding a few weeks ago, didn't bring an evelope or anything. But there was this "game" at the reception which was boys vs girls of the wedding party .. they had to go around and collect as much as they could and seen who got the most (bride side vs groom side ).... We donated a good chunk of money that way instead. ... So it was kind of anonymous.

The only issue I had with people not giving a gift or a card is finding out who all attended. You know the wedding day can be a blur so having a card to identify people to send thank you cards with is very convenient. We ended up having to go through pictures to find out who all attended since we didn't get a card from everyone. But everything worked out fine. I just believe some people don't know that it is polite to bring a card.

Personally I think it's greedy to expect gifts from every guest. Like others said, their attendance is the best gift. Wedding gifts are just a bonus.
Besides that, my other half of my argument is people get so party crazy these days (engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette parties...) and often those events people give gifts...why should guests be required to give yet another gift?

When I was a teenager, my dad and I attended my cousin’s wedding and my dad actually didn’t send them a present until about 6 months after the wedding. I thought it was a little rude but apparently guests do sometimes send gifts up to a year after the wedding. If they don’t ever send you a gift I would still probably send them a thank you card for attending, as others have already suggested. Make sure you do it in a way so that they don’t feel badly though.

If someone gives a gift, you send them a thank you.

If they do not give a gift, you do not have to send a thank you unless you want to say thank you for coming.

If you mean Do you say something about no gift. No. You leave it be. No one has to give you a gift. You threw a wedding because you wanted to.

Some people don't gift, and that's just how it goes. You don't have to send them a thank you card. I wouldn't be surprised if we got a few of those at ours. Weddings are expensive to attend in general without the gift.

I agree with what others said. You don’t have a wedding to get gifts, so if you don’t get one, oh well. Be thankful for the ones that do, and just move on. Don’t linger on something like this, it isn’t worth the stress.

So, I'm curious, does she (or anyone else for that matter) write a thank you note for attending? Or is hosting them a thank you?

I know it's hallmark, and they sell thank you cards, but they have templates for this "case": https://ideas.hallmark.com/articles/card-ideas/wedding-thank-you-messages-what-to-write-in-a-wedding-thank-you-note/

I could see people taking it as passive aggressive if you send it and they didn't give a gift but what's "etiquette" here?...

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Some people do send cards, but I've always read that the reception is the thank you for coming. Presumably you would at some point stand up and give a short speech, saying thank you. Or address it on your table visits or receiving line.

I do think it could be seen as passive aggressive to send notes to non-gifters.

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We had an out of town wedding, almost everyone traveled to be there. We did not expect any gifts/money, because of that expense. Some people gave us money (a few older family members) and it was totally unexpected. I will be sending everyone who attended and helped to make it happen a thank you card. I don't think people see it as passive aggressive, unless you're known for being petty and passive aggressive about these things. A thank you card is meant to be a thank you, whether for a gift or for attendance. I truly am thankful for everyone's attendance and I have no hard feelings for not getting monetary gifts from anyone. I threw a wedding to get married and invited my closest family and friends to share in that. I spent the money I could afford without an ounce of expectation that I would get paid back in gifts or checks. I did NOT throw a wedding to get gifts, point-blank. If you want gifts, throw a shower or something else and explicitly ask for gifts. But that's just my opinion.

Until I began seeing these posts on WeddingWire, I had no idea that people would attend a wedding without a gift. I've ever done that and of the 185 guests at my wedding only 1 didn't give a gift (his business is currently really struggling). For the person who raised this question, I wouldn't do anything regarding the people who didn't give a gift - really want can you do? I did get a few gifts in the month after the wedding so perhaps you may as well.

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We obviously have differing opinions, and that's perfectly okay. In my area, it's customary to gift if someone invites you to their wedding. My husband and I are just starting out, we don't have a lot, or make a lot of money - we live paycheck to paycheck to pay our bills. We didn't have a lot of parties where people gifted us. We didn't have an engagement party, my husband didn't even have a bachelor party, and my bridal shower was extremely small. There is nothing anyone can say that will change our minds. We put gifts on our registry that we truly needed, and to have such a small wedding and have guests attend come empty handed is generally considered rude around here. We were just disappointing because we don't have a lot of money to buy the gifts leftover on our registries. Or wedding was not expensive to attend and was held locally.

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Having read your response I guess my questions are:

What do you think is the appropriate way to "deal with" guests who didn't gift?

Is it their fault that you are just starting out?

That you live paycheck to paycheck to pay your bills but, still decided to pay for a wedding?

That you decided to throw a wedding instead of eloping?

Do you think that you should call them out or make them feel obligated to give you a gift because they haven't?

I understand your disappointment. The idea that there is nothing anyone can say about the fact that no one owes you anything is kind of scary to me. Its a false sense of entitlement. You are going to have to move forward knowing that there are things that you need and buy them as you can like most newlyweds do. Not everyone gets everything they need when they get married and its definitely not someone else's responsibility to make sure you do. This is what adulthood looks like.

I am a bride of a certain age lol,Raised by my grandmother who drilled ettiquite into us. We were always told if somebody is hosting you whether it be a wedding or a dinner you bring a gift.We’ve been to 6 weddings in last 2 years,traveled out of state to 3 dragging gifts along and got 1 thank you card out of 6

Yep we had 10 people come empty no card at all. We were floored at most of them because we have either gone to their wedding with a hefty envelope or couldn't make it to theirs and sent a check. I had to convince H to let it go, he was pissed, not at the fact that there was no money but they didn't even take the time to give a sweet card. Most of them were my family or family friends and I am mortified. Two of them were very close family members. Gotta let it go though. No thank you card will be sent to any of them from us, as there is nothing to thank them for, they were fed, kept comfortable and were given a full top shelf open bar as a thank you.

I am actually a little surprised that so many people EXPECT gifts... a gift should never be expected... If you get a gift that is awesome be grateful and tell them thank you but it should never be expected. To me that reminds me of the story of the lady who demanded people pay money to attend her wedding.. uh, what? No thanks.... I recently went to a wedding where the flight alone was $650 to get there and then to pay for food and lodging... it was a very very large expense. I did not give them a gift as they said they only wanted money for a downpayment. I could have mailed them money but I would not have attended the wedding so the choice was do you want me to attend or do you want cash? I seriously think it's bizarre that people actually are mad about someone not giving them a gift. Life isn't all about money and gifts. Lower your expectations, you'll live a much happier life. I absolutely don't expect people to give me gifts, but I will be extremely thankful if someone gives me a gift and if they don't I will be extremely thankful that they took the time out of their lives to attend. How do you handle a guest that didn't give you a gift? Be grateful they came. Be kind. Be understanding that you may not know what's going on in their life that makes them unable to gift.

View Quoted Comment No. The reception is the time for the couple to host and entertain guests as a couple. It is not a thank you.

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Not mad here about the gift, but IMO only you should at least bring a thoughtful card congratulating the couple.

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See, I'm reading this going the exact opposite and am floored how many people are so casual about not bringing a gift for something.

Showing up ANYWHERE without a gift would get someone in my family to give you the side eye. Even in grad school when I was dead broke, I went and got a cheap bottle of wine cooler for family events as showing up empty handed was a huge no no.

To me, part of the cost of attending the wedding is the gift, and if I couldn't afford travel, accommodations, AND gift, I would decline the wedding invitation.

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You were not allowed to show up to a family event without a gift? .... interesting. Everyone's family is different.

The sense of entitlement that you NEED to be given a gift (weddings, birthdays, anything) is not something I will ever understand. The world doesn't work that way. You are not entitled to anything. But that's just the way I was raised. Every family is different. If it is common in your family to attack people who don't bring gifts... well okay lol. I will always always choose the presence of my family and my friends over stuff and possessions. Their worth to me is not measured by how much stuff they can give me. I would absolutely rather them attend the wedding than give me a gift if those were my options and I guess that is where we differ.