How to handle Germaphobe soon to be sil

Maybe you should ask FH to ask his sister to reconsider if she wears a face mask and shield and gloves?

Unfortunately, if you choose to continue on with a wedding during a pandemic, you are placing yourself in a situation where these sorts of things may happen. It’s super disappointing, but you will just have to be understanding. FSIL‘s husband obviously has a medical concern which places him at higher risk during this virus outbreak. It is completely reasonable that they would not want to needlessly expose themselves; and by no means do they need to disclose his medical history with anyone. Under the circumstances, it is very gracious of them to even attend the ceremony. I know we all want everything to be perfect at our weddings, but during a pandemic compromises will have to be made and low attendance & people RSVP’ing and then not showing up will have to be expected. The best course of action is to tell FSIL that you will miss them at the reception, but you completely understand & respect their position. Then let it go. Focus on the good aspects of your reception, such as the fact that you even get to dance! A lot of states have band dancing at wedding receptions.

View Quoted Comment In reading your message I realized that I forgot to mention that I wanted advice on how to help my FH in dealing with his emotions on this situation as well. I do see your point and sometimes others need to remind us of situations going on. Thank you for your response.

View Quoted Comment I’m sure FH is feeling disappointed, especially with the absence of his mom during such an important event in his life. I think he needs to acknowledge & feel his feelings, which are completely justified. Then he needs to think of his sister & what a horrible position she is in as well- having to choose between dancing with her brother at his wedding, or potentially infecting and killing her husband. I’m sure she is hurting also. He just needs to remember that the situation is unfair (F Covid19!!), and accept that things aren’t going to go exactly how he’d hoped. He does have a 2nd sister though, so he can enjoy dancing with her! And maybe you guys can plan a vow renewal on your anniversary where he can dance with her!

View Quoted Comment I agree F-COVID 19!!! And thank you for the advice. It is great advice!!

I think you can still be understanding and sympathetic without them having to disclose what his condition is. They have a right to retain their privacy. However judging what others are willing to do and guilting you is not justified or fair in this matter.

I think it’s fair that your FH is upset and he has every right to feel that way. I agree that acknowledging and accepting his feelings is the best way to handle it. I think accepting what they are willing and able to do in terms of participating and attending is the best way in dealing with this and to move on. However if she keeps pressing the matter that it is ‘unfair of him to ask their other sister as well,’ Then have a conversation about that. She can feel and decide for her own self and well being. If his other sister is willing to participate in the dance and attend the reception, that is of her concern, not your SIL.

Yea I don’t think she has to disclose all the info regarding her husband and i can see that your FH would be upset by her not participating. I mean there’s no harm in ASKING her if there’s any way that would make her comfortable I guess or to do something else that would give her more of a role

I think the best thing for him to do is to try to accept the fact that his sister isn't comfortable and won't be there for the reception. She absolutely should have told you more than 6 days before the wedding, but it's unlikely that her situation is going to change this week. How does his other sister feel about dancing? If she's okay with it and has confirmed that she'll be there, it would be good for him to try to focus on the fact that she'll be there for them instead of the fact that someone who can't be there isn't going to be there.

I think the best option is to just support him, but I wouldn't involve yourself in the situation. Right now everyone is handling things differently because of Covid. While it sucks, it is completely within her right to decline. I don't think she has the right though to decide what is best for his other sister.

Want to echo others that Sister 1 doesn't have a right to speak about whether it is okay to have Sister 2 participate. I don't see how it's unfair at all of your FH to simply ask his sisters. Has he spoken to Sister 2?

Would your FH and his sister perhaps consider having their dance ahead of the ceremony? If you are doing formal wedding party portraits ahead of the ceremony and having a videographer who is likely already present, you can also capture the moment on film. If that’s within his sister’s risk tolerance it might be a good, creative compromise to give him that moment without all the pressure of the reception. Though if she’s worried about the reception she’s likely also worried about the ceremony unless she was planning on sitting apart from the rest of your guests?

I’d you’re having a wedding during this time, you have to allow people to come or not come to whatever they’re comfortable with. Sounds like she has valid reason to be extra safe.

If she doesn’t want to attend reception that’s up to her. But to tell him he can’t dance with other sister -too bad. Tell him to do what he wants.

She is perfectly fine for declining herself, for any reason. But she has no business saying a word about what the other sister will do. Or an aunt or grandmother or other person. She speaks for herself.

"I am asking for advice on what to do because I don't want to do the wrong thing and put a rift in their family. Please Help?????"

There is literally nothing you can do other than support your future spouse in his disappointment. I don't know how this could cause a rift in the family unless your FS decided to hold a grudge. But if the sister is the one holding the grudge, there is also nothing you can do.

All of that said, I don't think you should really call someone concerned about attending a wedding reception during a pandemic a "Germaphobe". Her concerns, especially since she is married to someone already unwell, are completely valid. Make sure your judgement of her doesn't show when you communicate to her, and you are fine.