How to gracefully tell someone you don't need them as a bridesmaid?

...you don't.

Coming from someone who was supposed to be a BM and got demoted because she wouldn't respond to my texts because "wedding planning is too stressful and she forgot to tell me" Do not fucking do that. I'm sorry but it's really rude and hurtful to the person on the other end. No matter what.

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Yeah, it is probably a bad idea.

Yeah you can't tell someone "I don't need you as a bridesmaid". If she hasn't texted/called you in months, then maybe she will just drop out on her own. I would still tell her what dress she needs to get what not, but if she doesn't respond, then just let it be..she obviously doesn't care about your friendship.

Yea in all honesty my hubby to be is having trouble finding a friend to be groomsmen number 3 I just sent my friend a text regarding the wedding letting her know I am concerned mainly about the 5 year friendship more than anything else. She knows what dress she needs and has known since March. Hell I even let her choose the style!

SIdes don't have to be even. Your honour attendants are not props. They're your nearest and dearest whom you are honouring.

Do not suggest that she needs letting off the hook or stepping down or demotion or firing or that she's not needed. It's a really hurtful thing to do.

Unless you don't want to be friends with her, don't do this. And the sides don't have to be even.

Not this again...

ETA: for actual advice - you don't. There is no graceful way to hurt someone's feelings. If she backs out on her own, fine. Otherwise, proceed as normal.

I can totally see where you are all coming from. However if said friend doesn't respond to me period I don't know what to do. I have waited a very long time to get married. And she is making me feel like I am not important in her life. She has flaked out on a few events last minute in the past. Thanks giving two years in a row and Christmas this last year

The sides don't need to be even. And after you ask, it's really hurtful to kick someone out of the bridal party. Often times it ends the friendship. (not always, but it is a risk)

If she hasn't spoken to you in two months, I'd focus on making sure she is okay. Maybe she is just stressed and busy. Maybe she has something going on.

Sounds like you're worried about having the sides even and that really doesn't matter. If she knows what dress to buy and is aware that she is in the wedding party you don't "let her off the hook", you leave it alone.

Hand her a pink slip and tell her to turn in her dress and shoes upon the security escort out of the group chat. Make sure you have her final paycheck.

Maybe she has other stuff happening in her life. The common mantra around here is that no one cares about your wedding as much as you. If she is your friend, then don't kick her out of the wedding. That is hurtful. Just accept that your friendship is currently where it is at but friendships ebb and flow and your wedding probably isn't at the top of her list right now. If she shows up the day of in the dress, then she stands by you. If not, then that was her choice and you know where you stand.

First, sides don't have to be even. Don't add a groomsman simply for the reason that you have more bridesmaids. These loved ones should be people that you care about and want there, not just want as an "even number". Which brings me to my second point. If you didn't want this girl in your bridal party in the first place, you should have held your ground and found a nice way to turn down her offer/demand. Now, you're stuck with her

Hope she responds to you soon!

You dont 'let her off the hook' - she is not a fish and you didnt trick her into this....

Also if you try to... she will be hurt and you have trashed your friendship. If you dont care. Thats fine. Just say 'i dont want you to come to my wedding, let me know if i need to pay you back for your dress. bye.

I would try to get her to meet for dinner and then ask how she is. Maybe she's super busy with work or something personal. Coming from someone who kicked out a bridesmaid and regretted it, it's a tough choice and one that should be made with a lot of thought.

I agree with OG.

I know it's probably frustrating that she is not responding to your texts but you def need to have a conversation maybe suggest meeting up for lunch to discuss if she is still in. Kicking her out would be terrible and probably last straw for your friendship. If you know after you have made an attempt to reach out and nothing has happened then I would say she is out.