How to feel about being asked to be replacement bridesmaid

It's ok to decline especially with such short notice and your own wedding coming up.

Mmmm, I just don't want her to feel let down, plus I've known her for so long,

I spoke to her this afternoon and said I was confused and shocked when I received the invite in the mail. She said I was her original choice but due to my commitment, she didn't want to burden me. Don't know how to say no or even process

I'm so conflicted

It's definitely ok to say no. Your title makes it sound like replacement bride, though. And that's a solid no, too.

Sorry that's totally a typo, auto correct is horrible lol ?? sorry for typo

Thanks for advice

It's absolutely ok to say no if you want to. If she didn't ask you originally because she knew it would be difficult for you, then she should understand and possibly even expect you to say no now for those same reasons. Tell her very gently, explain why it would be difficult for you, thank her for the honor of being asked, and tell her how excited you are to be there to watch her get married as a guest at her wedding.

Can I just ask though, and feel free to not answer if you don't want to, but why don't you want to accept?

You can decline but if she is really special and close to you, why not. There's going to be other events and you will get to wear the dress you bought..but do what makes you feel better

So she was going to ask you before, but didn't, then another bridesmaid dropped out and she's asking you now? If she didn't ask you before because of a commitment(?) you had, I'm not sure why she would think it would be different now. I would just explain that with such short notice you would be more comfortable attending as a guest, as you've already made arrangements to do so.

You can decline! She may have just asked you bc your friendship has deepened over the wedding planning time so you might not be a replacement?

I'm confused about her reasoning tho - commitment? Were you unavailable but now are?

Either way, you can say you're not going to be bc you already planned things assuming you weren't or you can choose to say yes

Wwjo, the reason I'm unsure is because I had the instant thought of, I'm last pickings and cause we spoke so many times and there was an open line of communication but she felt she couldn't talk to me as she was concerned I was too busy to be part of her day, and wanted to wait to see if I accepted the wedding invite before then when her replacement cancelled two weeks ago, she had been trying to figure out how to ask, after her fiancé said to ask me as we have been friend for years. My concerned thoughts have nothing to do with the dress, just on friendship...

Ps no other commitments on my end so not sure why that was mentioned, when I asked what happened and why she was seeking replacement

I had a very similar situation happen to me. My FSIL asked me to be in their wedding very last minute. While I'm not super close to her at all and I'm saving every penny I can for my own wedding, I had to decline. It was a difficult conversation to have but I had to go with my gut too. I have no regret. I'm still going to be there on the big day helping her out but just not an official member of the party

I see, thank you for sharing that, I totally understand your reservation. Can you talk to her about that? Sit down for coffee together and explain your feelings? This sounds bigger than the wedding day and like it could impact the health of your friendship, so I'd see if you can get her to open up about why she didn't feel she could talk to you in the first place about her concerns. I know I'd feel very upset if I felt I was a backup friend and I don't want to see you holding on to resentment and it driving a wedge between you two.

Did you get one of those cutesy Bridesmaid's boxes?

Wow okay... I was going to just ask if anyone had declined as a bridesmaid before but had offered to help out the bride throughout her day- and be unofficial wedding party

Just a card. Not that I care about those things

I was hoping to Skype tomorrow we live in different state so it's quite hard to communicate in person. But we love Skype..I don't want to ruin a friendship

She didn't ask you in the first place, and then sent a card, not a phone call, or a visit? I would decline stating you already purchased a dress but would be happy to help out the day of if needed. Sounds to me like she's more worried about having even sides (photo props) than having you stand with her.

Mmmmm a lot of food for thought ??

Thank you I was worried I was overthinking too much, I will sleep on it and go from there (I work nights)...

I just got a txt from her saying she has decided to change the bridesmaid dresses. So that's concerning too.

I had a friend do this to me. Her MOH disappeared a month before the wedding, so she asked me as a back up. I was insulted to be honest, as we were incredibly close, yet I wasn't chosen as MOH. I decided to do it, but honestly wish I hadn't. The dress she chose was discontinued, so we had to get the other girls dress altered to fit me. It had to go from a size 18, to an 8.. it was one of the most unflattering things I've ever worn. I agree with PP, you can decline this late in the game. No one wants to be a back up.

AS long as you decline politely there should be no consequence to your friendship. If there is on her end, then it was clear she just wanted a replacement.

I was in a similar situation in my brother's wedding. My now SIL asked me at the last minute to be a bridesmaid, after someone else dropped out. We weren't very close, but I felt obligated to say yes because she's family. I felt uncomfortable the entire wedding day, but wasn't included in pre-wedding festivities because I lived halfway across the country.

In the end, I'm very glad I sucked it up and said yes, because I got to be part of my brother and SIL's big day. And over the years I have actually become much closer to my SIL, to the point that I asked her to be a bridesmaid in my wedding.

Point being, it's not a nice thing for her to do, but I think it's possible to ignore the weirdness and turn it into a positive thing, if this is someone you want in your life for the long run.