How to dodge questions...not wanting to go to friends wedding?

This isn't selfish at all, that is a lot of money to spend to attend a wedding! And they do have to realize that a lot of people may not be able to travel across the country for a Friday wedding.

If they talk about their wedding you can just respond generically ("oh that sounds lovely" or "I'm sure it'll be a great day" etc.), and then if they ask if you think you'll be able to attend, you can tell them, "I'm not sure if we'll be able to afford to come out for it, but we'll keep you posted." Then if you do receive a save the date or invite, don't feel any hesitation about RSVPing "no" and sending a nice card/gift.

I don't think this is selfish at all. That is a lot to spend on a wedding. I spent around $400 to go to a wedding on the weekend but I doubt I would spend $2000 on someone who wasn't really close family. I would actually give them a heads up that you don't plan on coming. Don't wait until the RSVP is due a month before the wedding to hit them with a bombshell. It seems like they really think you can come and are factoring you into their budget. Just be honest.

I think the phrasing of not wanting to spend your hard earned money on a wedding is a little rude when your friends obviously spent their equally hard earned money for yours. It’s fine if you can’t afford it but I would try to be more graceful with my thinking and the delivery of that message. For now tell them that you’re excited for them and you’ll let them know if you can make it when their plans become solidified (i.e. invitations go out). By that time you may find a great flight deal that makes it more feasible or you may be pregnant and ready to tell people.

I wasn't able to go to my step-sister's wedding because she had a DW in Hawaii. I live on the East Coast and it was too much money for us to fly out there. We technically could have gone because we did have the money, but it just wasn't something that we could responsibly justify. We ended up having to start fertility treatments the month after her wedding so I guess it worked out that we didn't spend the money.

When we declined, I told my step-sister how sorry I was that we wouldn't be able to go out there and that I couldn't wait to see pictures and hear all about it. We didn't mention anything about the financial aspect because it really isn't anyone's business, so whenever you end up having to RSVP, I would suggest just keeping it to how sorry you are you can't make it (if you choose to say anything when the time comes).

As a bride and as a bride once yourself you know how much goes into planning a wedding I say keep it honest. Let them know in advance you’re sorry but you won’t be able to make it and the reason (everything except the family planning). So 1. They will know and won’t ask 2. Frees up space for others to be invited. Good luck with everything.

View Quoted Comment

I agree, and we definitely wouldn't wait until the RSVP is due. I am planning to let them know once the save the dates go out, but they do bring it up almost every time we talk to them and while I'm 99% sure we will be invited from the sounds of it, I don't want to be presumptuous and tell them we can't make it before we are invited, lol!

View Quoted Comment

Definitely don't plan on dragging it out, just waiting until we receive a save the date so we can let them know early.

View Quoted Comment

Definitely! Waiting for a save the date is a good idea.

View Quoted Comment Oh okay gotcha yes that sounds like a perfect plan and formal. I guess until you get the save the dates they are definitely going to bring it up again lol.

If you get a save date just be honest and say you can't go. You remember being the bride and just say what you would have wanted them to tell you if it was the opposite. Being polite is important, if they're your friend they'll understand