How to discuss concerns with sister (moh) covid 19

I would just tell her that you won’t be attending. Your sister is being ridiculously selfish but it isn’t your job to convince her to change plans. She’ll have to live with that decision on her own.

I agree with Sarah. Some brides get hyper tunnel vision about their days, and it very well might be that she's in a denial state before she realizes that she will have to postpone her big celebration. Up until the day that my fiance came home to me crying, he was convinced we would get married either way. But I had to explain how dangerous if was for him to realize we would have to move it out. Be supportive but firm: you need to take care of yourself first. Your dad needs to the do the same. Explain to her that you understand her reluctance to postpone, but if she does want to go ahead then she'll need to set up a livestream for everyone. I'm not too sure her guest count would be all that great either, so really....she may realize closer to the day that it's impossible with social distancing requirements and her venue may very well cancel on her. Be supportive. It sucks to postpone your date, but she is being unreasonable. I'd tell her she can do what she needs to do, but you will watch from a distance.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! It sucks to feel like I am not going to be there on her day, but it’s just a tough situation all around! I feel for all you brides right now!

View Quoted Comment Thanks so much!! Yes people have their own timelines with their decisions and their feelings. It’s hard to continue to support her with her planning with her being upset about me potentially not attending. Hoping with time things will look up with the virus or they will come to a different decision themselves

View Quoted Comment I mean, we were quite sure we'd go ahead up until my work sent me home to work from home indefinitely. As soon as I saw there was no return timeline for a major company, I knew this was going to be a mess. And they made that call within an hour of WHO declaring this a pandemic. It was honestly like a huge truck barreling on through, and we're still reeling - I was supposed to be planning my nail visit, not wondering if we have enough toilet paper to make it to May. You'll have to stand firm and explain that you need to take caution for yourself. And there is still a little bit of time. Is she having a huge wedding? If only a few people - like 5 - and mostly family, she might be ok going ahead but should be courteous to everyone who doesn't want to risk it. I saw an article about a whole family that was wiped out because a couple went ahead with their wedding.

View Quoted Comment She has 175 on her guest list. Her venue is one of the more difficult ones and will refuse to give any money back in the event of a cancellation and she does not want to wait a whole year. Her venue believes having hand sanitizer at every table and less people per table will suffice.

View Quoted Comment Yeah no....no. ugh that sucks. Maybe closer to the date her venue will relent, because that is all so wrong. I would also tell her to expect a lot less guests, so she may need to set up a livestream anyway. Could she move her date? Or are they treating that as a cancellation? They can still get married on that day - if they can get a license - and potentially have the big party later.

View Quoted Comment They would let her move her date but she does not like any of the available dates in the fall/early winter because her photographer would not be available so she said it’s either proceed as is or cancel which they are not allowing. I’m hoping she will be comfortable proceeding with something small first since my dad will be attending and I worry for him

At this point i would just say you can't attend in person due to those reasons then. because you've already expressed to her the issues and she is aware, she's just being that way so there's only so much you can do.

OMG I am so sorry, I would be absolutely furious with my sister! Realistically though, if you are in NY, her wedding will probably get cancelled anyway...I don't see any way that a venue owner would be able to get away with holding wedding in NY with 175 people on May 23 without facing some serious jail time. I would be worried about your family members getting infected as a result of her wedding--you could try to talk some sense into her: make sure she knows that if guests get infected and die as a result of her wedding, then she is the one who has to bear the guilt and she is the one to blame. I know it sounds harsh but it's the truth. Does she really want a funeral (or multiple funerals) to be the direct result of her wedding? By the way, you are absolutely doing the right thing by refusing to attend. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

View Quoted Comment Thank you! It’s such an awful position to be in. I feel sorry for all the brides right now making hard decisions! It’s such an overwhelming time.

I would tell your sister that you will not be able to attend due And would advise your sister to live stream her ceremony and you will support her on her day from your home. I was very firm on NOT canceling and willing to have a small guest count if not a lot of ppl showed up but things changed drastically and I was forced to cancel. At first my reception hall was going to keep our $1,000 deposit even if we postponed but now they waived it and we can still keep our deposit. Your sisters venue probably wont give money back until they are forced to cancel the wedding. The white house order guidelines are extended until May 1st, Who knows its possible things may return to normal and CDC may still regulate the number if ppl at mass gatherings (at first cdc recommended 250 max then 50, then 10). She should keep that in mind even tho its still too soon to tell. Also like others have said she might not have a high guest count. Its possible some might not feel comfortable to attend.


Its a dicey subject and its stressful and it hurts us when we hear others talk negatively (we had a huge fight with our in-laws because They wanted us to cancel after our venues told us we could still have our wedding. Despite what was going on what hurt us the most is that in the middle of the stress we finally had good news and instead of feeling the support right when we got a sigh of relief that we needed, they were negative and gave us a lecture. Unfortunately one week later we were forced to cancel but in that moment the fight with his parents was too much for us to bear after that FH wanted to cancel everything not postpone he was over it, he wanted our Money back and forget everything)
Keep in mind its an emotional roller coaster and even though you are right and she probably should postpone just try to give support however u can.

*reception hall waived the postponement fee and our deposit will be refunded

View Quoted Comment Thanks for your insight! I’m sorry you had to go through all of that! I’m hoping to be able to support as best I can!

View Quoted Comment Yea its tough with so much uncertainty and with vendors not giving money back. I really hate changing my wedding day but im finding ways around it (like eloping) and I hate having to wait another 6mo or so but there’s nothing I can do. Your sister may come to a pt where she realizes as much as she had hoped she might not be able to move forward

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I'm also really surprised that the venue is even open. All establishments that serve food and beverage in my state are shut down (besides delivery and pickup), and I'm in Pennsylvania. I haven't been paying attention to the news, but I'm almost positive it's the same where you are? That would be serious jail time if they're insisting on staying open.

I'm sorry I don't have much to say that hasn't already been said here. This is such a hard position to be in.

View Quoted Comment I am surprised too! Apparently her venue is telling her that the guidelines for people will be over a week prior to her date and that it is only a suggestion, not a requirement. Most of us would be traveling for her wedding from states on lockdown but I am not sure how things are specifically in each area.

Wow... she would replace her own sister that's the MOH even though a pandemic is going on? I wish I could give you advice but it sounds like she's pretty selfish. Which is unfortunate, since you and your dad (and I'm sure many others) are at risk. That alone would make me postpone. I would hope that as things get closer, if they don't get better, she'll make the right decision.

View Quoted Comment Yes 😔 She said she would rather replace me with a local friend that isn’t concerned with the virus then have me come and be “too worried” enjoy her day.

There is an enforceable ban on social gatherings in New York State. There is a critical shortage of protective equipment for healthcare workers, and there is also a projected shortage of ventilators. Nurses in New York are reusing equipment and putting their lives at risk. Your sister’s behavior increases their risk. If I were you, I would call the New York State Attorney General’s office and report your sister’s wedding venue. I would also call the venue, inform them that I had reported them to the AG, and encourage them to adhere to the law.


Your sister’s preferred wedding dates and preferred photographer availability do not outweigh the risk of morbidity to her guests, their families, and the essential workers (including nurses) in their communities.
It’s unfortunate that your sister has put you in this position, and that other members of your family are not stepping up. If this seems like an overreaction, consider what you would do if your sister was drunk-driving a car with your entire family inside. It’s time to take her keys.