How to Deal With This Type Of Mother n Law!?

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! I don't have a toxic FIL, but I absolutely have a toxic younger sister who has behaved EXACTLY like this. She's currently estranged from our mother because our mother didn't to invite her to go see a family friend over Christmas.

Sister got completely upset because my mom didn't make eye contact when initially apologizing. My mom has tried apologizing numerous times since then, but my unreasonable sister has refused them all because she thinks the "apologies" aren't sincere enough (she essentially wants my mom to grovel at her feet). She also resents me (because of my success in life) and thinks I'm the "source" of her distress in life.

It sounds like both my sister and your MIL are narcissists. The best thing to do is to be firm, set boundaries, and let her know that she cannot control you. Do not let her manipulate your emotions.

Don't respond to her and don't stay in contact with her. Share her ridiculous response with your husband so he knows to also distance himself and your kids from her.

"You came back into my son's life to destroy everything in MY pathway." Typical narcissist. My goodness. Let me take a moment..

First off, I'm really sorry that you have to put up with this sort of abuse. Because I really do see it as such. Really, really sorry. This sounds how my FMIL used to treat me. In the beginning, her and I were pretty close. I'd call her, she'd call me. We'd talk about various things. When 2014 rolled around and My fiance and I were expecting our first daughter is when she changed. She would text my fiance things like "I wish you were casually dating", and "I don't think you should be with THAT girl." Really rude things. She was constantly putting my fiance in the middle. Things came to a head in early 2015 when my daughter was about 5-6 months old.

This was end of April of 2015. We were renting a room from her rental property at the time and every single time she'd come by to collect tenants' rent, she would cause issues with us. She would scream, yell, make all sorts of obscene comments. You name it, she did it.

My sis had come over that April day to visit and was to stay with us. Came all the way from a neighboring city. When FMIL came to the property she was livid and said she wasn't running a "hotel." Super rude stuff. She started yelling all kinds of derogatory stuff and it was just vile. She was just spewing hatred, spitting in my face, and poking her fingers in my face and stuff. My fiance had to hold me back because I promise you I was so close to shoving her to the floor. I was even feeling like calling the cops at that moment because I personally felt threatened- she was escalating in violence. Anyone outside the home could easily hear the chaos. When I told her I am going to call the cops, she became even more irate and told me that I need to go, but our daughter and fiance could stay. Who the hell tries to split up a mother and child. Fiance was just flustered and trying his best to stop the fight. When she saw he was holding me back she goes "You're defending her? Your defending this B****"?" Yeah, it was so bad. Needless to say, she told us to get the hell out of her house by May 1st. We literally had to scramble as we only had 4 days to find a place to live. With a small baby. In that moment, I truly hated her and I told my fiance straight up, if you feel the need to even bring up your mom to me, just save it. I don't want to see her or hear her name for a real long time.

We moved out and rented a small basement apartment from May 1st 2015 to September 30 2015 and then got our own apartment where we still reside with our now 2 daughters. From the time we moved from her rental property, I had not spoken to her or seen her in almost a full year. Whenever she came to see my fiance and our daughter, I told him to bring our daughter outside. I didn't want her around me at all. Over time, things began to smooth out, as she kept up toxic behavior and text messages, popping up at our apartment unannounced, my fiance just stopped responding. We stopped going to her house for dinners, holiday parties and she was not able to see her grand kids. That's what really got to her. I would say our current relationship state is that we are pretty neutral. We talk when we see each other, but I don't have her phone number. I don't fully trust her as she's put me through immense stress and heightened my anxiety. I believe she has the capability to exhibit that volatile behavior again, so I try not to get too close or give too many personal details about what's going on in my life. Also, her and I don't really have a lot in common. I don't want to give her the tools to use something against me in the future.

The best advice I can give you, Arianne is that you need to let your fiance handle it. I literally fought with my FMIL because I'm strong-willed and I don't like anyone walking over me. But if I was put in the same situation again, I'd let him handle it from the JUMP. I protect my peace now because of her. I'm not so trusting of situations that present themselves as harmless because of what she instilled. Your fiance needs to once and for all put his mother in her place. I would not want my kids around a "grandmother" who behaves in that fashion. Who crosses boundaries. Who has no respect for me. Who calls me names. I just wouldn't trust it. She needs to learn how to act right. Being a grandmother is not a right, it's a privilege and I stand by that. Blood relation means very little to me if we're speaking about how family treat each other. Some folks thinks because they are related to you, they can act however they want to. This doesn't work with me. I made it a point to my fiance that if his mother ever were to act like that again, he knows what to expect from me, and I know what to expect from him. We will quite literally cut her off. And sometimes that is what you have to do. I hope you took the time to read my lengthy post. I am wishing you the best and I relate to this 100% because I too had to read toxic texts like this. Stay strong, let your fiance take care of it. If his momma can't act right, cut her off. You'l sleep better at night. It seems to me from your post you have children with your fiance. Don't let her weaponize your children. Narcissistic individuals use anything at their disposal. Even innocent kids. All the best. I'm hearing for a private talk if you want

She's telling you she's going No Contact, let her. And if she contacts you again, tell her you are more than happy to meet her request and you think it would be disrespectful on your part to continue to "ruin her life".

This is toxic. I would speak to your significant other, and let them know that you are no longer comfortable communicating with your FMIL. It seems like she has some issues personally. Perhaps mention to your SO that you would appreciate his support, and potentially he can discuss with his mom how her actions are making you feel, and that she needs to lay off. Also, I would consider keeping any children away as that could make the situation even more toxic.

It's hard because I'm unsure of the context, but at the end of the day your wedding day is about you and FH. If she can't support you guys then she can sit out.