How to deal with guest rejecting your wedding invitation.

Was this person‘s response due to not wanting to attend a large wedding during the pandemic?

View Quoted Comment Where we are we are allowed to have weddings as long as it complies with 1 person per 2 square meters rules.

See it as having to pay for one less invite haha.
No but seriously, it sucks to hear it this way from a friend but better that you hear about it now. They might already have plans, might not want to go to weddings due to covid, might not like going to any weddings who knows.
Just say “Thanks for letting me know, we will miss you!” and leave it at that.

My very best friend texted my 15 days out to tell me some things came up and she wasn’t coming and that she didn’t feel safe anyway (goes out to eat all the time- works with the public). I poured my heart out to her over how hurt I was and she came back at me telling me I was selfish for having a wedding anyway during covid. If people love you and value your friendship they will be there or be overly regretful over not being there. I ended up blocking her everywhere. 17 years of being there for each other for her to act that way was too much for me.

View Quoted Comment I wasn’t insinuating you were breaking local rules. I was just asking if this person‘s response was because they do not feel comfortable attending a large wedding during the pandemic. Just because local rules say that you CAN pack a bunch of people into a building, doesn’t mean that people feel comfortable participating in it. So, if your friends response was because they do not feel comfortable attending a large event during the pandemic, then I don’t see anything wrong with this situation. They politely declined immediately, and saved you the time, effort and money of having to send them an invitation. So if that is the reason for their response, your response should simply be
Thank you for letting me know. Your presence will be greatly missed, but we understand.

None of us know why this person doesn’t want to attend (i.e. because of COVID or personal reasons) but I would simply respond saying ‘Thank you for letting me know. We will remove you from the invite list.’ – I say this because this will make it abundantly clear to the person that you have relied on what they have said – in the instance that later on they get cranky for not being (formally) invited to the wedding.

Hi Rose, I agree that is very harsh 😟 I’m sorry and it is just not nice. I would give her a phone call tonight or tomorrow. I’m the type I don’t let anyone hide behind their phone, but certainly open the conversation by giving her the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she just got really horrible news and isn’t herself?

Is this her normal tone? Maybe she doesn't want to attend due to the pandemic?

He thanked you for the invitation ( which makes it something of value in his eyes) and said he would not be attending. Brief, but in no way impolite, or harsh. Usually when you invite someone who declines, you get a check mark next to a box on a RSVP card that says, will not be attending. That is all. I do not see his response as any worse.
🙂 One point of etiquette or good manners in American culture, not in many subgroups, is that when you decline a fairly formal invitation, like a wedding, you are NOT expected to give any reason. Just, I regret that I cannot attend, or similar. And the host is supposed to assume that he had a conflict or has a really compelling reason. But never ask. You need a little tougher skin.

View Quoted Comment Sure. That could be the reason but I don’t know. What I would have appreciated is her being honest with me and letting me know she doesn’t feel comfortable attending due to COVID. However, I have seen her on social media attending a number of large gathering events so I’m not sure if this is the reason or not.

Thanks everyone for the advise. This “friend” has been avoiding catch ups and flaking out at the last minute for the last two years now. I see the wedding as a very special event in my life and I would have appreciated if there was more of an effort made and if she had chosen her words more carefully. There was no consideration given to my feelings. She could have even added a smile emoji to soften the blow a little. The intent was to come across harsh and that’s what hurts me the most. I feel like bad behaviour needs to be called out and she needs to know how her actions have hurt me. But at the same time I don’t really want to waste my energy in picking a fight with someone who really doesn’t care.

View Quoted Comment If this was a distant friend, sure I agree! But this is a friend whose friendship and presence at my wedding I really valued. I have a very small network of friends and really wanted to share my special day with them. So I guess I found it harsh as I don’t expect those type of behaviour by your own friends. I would be grateful to be invited to a wedding and if I couldn’t attend, that is definitely not how I would be responding.

I can see how you feel some type of way, but reality is, she might not have the money, doesn’t want to attend a wedding during a pandemic, maybe you guys aren’t as close...? Maybe send her a message and ask if everything is okay.

View Quoted Comment It honestly sounds like you value your friendship a lot more than your friend does, and it sounds a little one sided. It’s unfortunate but sometimes friendships end and this might be your sign.

View Quoted Comment This is why no reason need be given for a "will not attend", and why hosts should not give an emotional response or question why the person is declining. Starting with a perfectly innocuous refusal, you got all disappointed. Friend felt the need to explain in order to justify her action, which no one should have to do, but defensiveness and anger leading to the loss of friendship is the result. If you had simply said, we will miss you, and crossed her off the list, you would have still been disappointed, no more and no less. But not lost a friendship to this kind of blow up. ... Etiquette is not a set of rules, always right. It is a societally agreed on way of dealing with social things that has over time been proven to minimize friction and hurt feelings. But unlike in business or in court, a basic tenet is that you don't put people in situations where they feel embarrassed, or feel they need to justify themselves to family or friends. When someone politely declines, you politely accept it and move on, so a disagreement or fight will not be likely.

I think maybe she could have gave you a little more detail about why she is not coming but it's common right now unfortunately because of Covid. You can always talk to her and tell her how you feel and ask her what she wasn't going to come but ultimately, this one person is not going to break your wedding so inwojsknt sweat that stuff for now

Ouch! Totally understand your hurt feelings. I’d just respond with “I’m sorry you can’t make it, I’m going to really miss you not being able to attend & thanks for letting me know!

Some people are very blunt and to the point. If that’s her usual style, I wouldn’t take it personally. At least she was honest.

There is nothing objectively harsh or impolite about that response. There is nothing you need to do or should do in response.

I don’t see why that’s harsh. She thanked you for the invitation and declined to attend. She doesn’t owe you an explanation.