Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

How to deal with a potential bridezilla

Flag
Hide content

Carolee, on February 4, 2021 at 4:10 AM

I’m the MOH. My friend only got engaged 3 weeks ago, but her requests are already becoming quite elaborate. I could honestly deal with the requests if they weren’t accompanied by a very difficult and entitled attitude. She kept me up till midnight multiple times this week talking wedding plans, and a lot of it was just her snapping or panicking at me for just tossing ideas out there. She will say something is ok, and then totally back-peddle and go off at me for it. For example, I asked her if she wanted me to make a bridesmaid group chat, and who to include. She said to go for it! So I did. Then I get several confused texts from the girls that they had no idea, but were happy to. Then the bride blows up at me, saying I “made them feel like they had to say yes” despite the fact I checked with her SPECIFICALLY if this was ok and they were in the loop. As a result? She doesn’t feel like she can ask them to do anything, so she’s just putting all of it on me and I’m not allowed to “stress them out anymore”. She’s also proceeded to choose a $400.00 bridesmaid dress (just for me, the other girls are in a totally classic and cheaper style), and it’s quite frankly very ugly. Again, I’m ok, and agreed I’ll do it for her no fussing, only for her to turn around and blow up at me that the floral pattern on the dress style she chose isn’t “dainty” enough? She also got angry because she doesn’t want any Zoom showers, but her auntie wants to throw her one - I let her know this, and an hour and a half of her weeping and sulking about how she doesn’t want one, but will say yes, but it’s my fault, and now she can’t have a “good” shower ensued. I’ve literally been nothing but supportive and positive despite the fact it’s been nothing but wedding talk and tip-toing around her or calming her down when I fail for 3 weeks, but I’ve had it - and it’s over a year away! How do I nip this in the bud now before it gets out of hand?

Show all

28 Comments

Champion December 2022
Michelle · on February 4, 2021 at 11:41 AM
Flag

Hide content
I don't know why you're ok with any of this. She is not a true friend. Back out now and don't attend when the time comes. You have to set and maintain boundaries for your mental health.
- Reply
Expert September 2021
· on February 4, 2021 at 11:45 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

Completely agree! My bridesmaids are all wearing totally different dresses in the same color scheme and the majority of them found a dress from Lulu's for under $100 - one even found one from Shein for literally $20. And you're totally right, as a MOH I would assume you're close enough to tell her when she is being obnoxious, I know mine would!
- Reply
Expert September 2022
EGD · on February 4, 2021 at 11:57 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

Yes! I found colors and dresses I liked for my BM's on Azazzie and made a show room with a bunch of dresses I like ranging from $60-$130, I'm letting them pick their own dresses as I don't want to be the reason someone goes broke for my wedding. They have full control over how much they spend
- Reply
Carolee · on February 4, 2021 at 12:00 PM
Flag

Hide content
Thanks everyone ! I appreciate the feedback. Makes me feel like I’m not being unreasonable. I told her, very straight forward, that how she is acting is stressing me out. She hasn’t responded yet, basically just sulked away and is giving me the silent treatment, but a very pissy kind of silent treatment. I’m hoping that means she’s mulling it over but we will see.
- Reply
VIP January 2019
Maggie · on February 4, 2021 at 12:02 PM
Flag

Hide content
Wow, that's a lot to happen in only 3 weeks! I agree with everyone who says to back out because her current behavior is a fantastic indicator of future behavior. That whole, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them" deal.
But, since she is a close friend, I do think you should tell her how her actions have made you feel. The friendship should be worth that. Might she react badly? Sure. But she is acting badly now, so what do you have to lose? Friendships *should* be able to handle some loving constructive criticism. And if they can't, are they real friendships?
- Reply
VIP January 2019
Maggie · on February 4, 2021 at 12:03 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

I didn't see your response before I added mine. Good for you for telling her she was stressing you out! I hope she realizes she's about to lose a friend and wises up.
- Reply
Master October 2020
Yasmine · on February 4, 2021 at 7:36 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Yes! I agree with this all
- Reply

Dedicated October 2021
Bethany · on February 5, 2021 at 1:32 PM
Flag

Hide content
I think there's something important that needs to be clarified here: is this friend normally level-headed and self-aware? Or is this typical, expected behavior for her?
If it's the first I think there's a way through this. As some others have said, sit her down and have a talk. She's so early in her engagement honestly you shouldn't even really be involved yet. She needs to do the basics on her own/ with her FH and get some of the "not fun" stuff out of the way - set a budget, come up with an approximate guest list/ head count, do some venue research. These are not things you should really be helping with. If she wants you to go tour venues with her then fine, but again that's really not an expectation of you as MOH. Once she's signed a contract with a venue and has a date secured, then she gets to do some of the fun things! It sounds like she's jumping way way way ahead picking out bridesmaid dresses and talking about a shower. It's understandable that she's excited but she needs to slow her roll and take care of some other stuff first. If she's generally a reasonable person, she will hopefully be receptive to hearing this.
If not, I would seriously consider backing out. Because this will get worse, not better. But if you so do, you need to realize that it could potentially mean the end of your friendship.
- Reply