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How to deal with a potential bridezilla

Carolee, on February 4, 2021 at 4:10 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 28
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I’m the MOH. My friend only got engaged 3 weeks ago, but her requests are already becoming quite elaborate. I could honestly deal with the requests if they weren’t accompanied by a very difficult and entitled attitude. She kept me up till midnight multiple times this week talking wedding plans, and a lot of it was just her snapping or panicking at me for just tossing ideas out there. She will say something is ok, and then totally back-peddle and go off at me for it. For example, I asked her if she wanted me to make a bridesmaid group chat, and who to include. She said to go for it! So I did. Then I get several confused texts from the girls that they had no idea, but were happy to. Then the bride blows up at me, saying I “made them feel like they had to say yes” despite the fact I checked with her SPECIFICALLY if this was ok and they were in the loop. As a result? She doesn’t feel like she can ask them to do anything, so she’s just putting all of it on me and I’m not allowed to “stress them out anymore”. She’s also proceeded to choose a $400.00 bridesmaid dress (just for me, the other girls are in a totally classic and cheaper style), and it’s quite frankly very ugly. Again, I’m ok, and agreed I’ll do it for her no fussing, only for her to turn around and blow up at me that the floral pattern on the dress style she chose isn’t “dainty” enough? She also got angry because she doesn’t want any Zoom showers, but her auntie wants to throw her one - I let her know this, and an hour and a half of her weeping and sulking about how she doesn’t want one, but will say yes, but it’s my fault, and now she can’t have a “good” shower ensued. I’ve literally been nothing but supportive and positive despite the fact it’s been nothing but wedding talk and tip-toing around her or calming her down when I fail for 3 weeks, but I’ve had it - and it’s over a year away! How do I nip this in the bud now before it gets out of hand?

28 Comments

Latest activity by Bethany, on February 5, 2021 at 1:32 PM
  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    It’s early, back out now!
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  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    You say no. “No” is a complete sentence. Honestly, you’re allowing & accepting her behavior. $400 for a MOH dress is expensive. As far as the planning her wedding, that is not your responsibility- that’s up to her & her fiancé. You’re responsible for showers (if she wants them) & a bachelorette party (again if she wants one). Set your boundaries & stick to them.
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    You need to step up and stand your ground. Just from reading this post it seems like you listen to any and everything she says and just goes with the flow because you don't want to make her upset. That's not a friendship.


    If she's only been engaged for 3 weeks then I definitely wouldn't be worrying about bridesmaids or a shower yet. You need to stop letting her run all over you and making you feel guilty!
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  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    I would say its already out of hand, and if she has this entitled attitude it won't change.

    How good of a friend is she really that she is treating you like that?

    I would back out now before you spend a ridiculous amount of money on a dress and then she kicks you out anyways for something minor. Don't want to be stuck with an expensive dress you will never wear again.

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  • Rea
    Devoted November 2017
    Rea ·
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    Walk away, no run. Give her all the notes y'all have discussed and let her beat up on someone else. If the group chat is still hot, I'd apologize to them and let them know something came up and you are bowing out. Many, many years ago a close friend asked me to be her moh and the demands were more than I could handle. I set her down, explained to her how I'm excited for her but the demands were off the chart and that I signed on for moh because she's my beastie, not because I wanted to be treated in a mean way. We parted ways a few years, and today she's still my best friend. She thanks me still to this day for explaining reality to her and admitted initially she had gone out of her mind with crazy demands. Besides I introduced her to the guy she married and he and I are long time friends...like siblings. So this is the take away...go to her and talk woman to woman and it doesn't work, then you know what to do...step down.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I'd sit down and talk with her about how she is treating you and how she is making you feel.


    But if she is one of those me me me people, who had this kind of behavior before the engagement then she will never see anything wrong.
    If it were me I'd drop out of the wedding, it's early enough. I'd tell her do to the way you keep treating me I no longer want to have anything to do with your wedding. I'm dropping out.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I totally agree
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  • Chantelle
    Devoted October 2021
    Chantelle ·
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    Hello! It is already out of hand. Definitely sit her down and have a heart to heart about how outrageous she is being. If she listens and changes her tune, cool, carry on and have fun. If she blows up at you, then step down and walk away. Real friends appreciate hard truths. Good luck!
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    Agree. And set boundaries on your money as well. I see multiple brides on her and other places that think just because people are in the wedding means that they can treat them like crap and spend their money. Brides should know right away a set budget for the bridesmaids on what they are willing to spend.


    I knew when I chose my bridesmaids that some of them weren't going to be able to spend a lot, that's why for everything they are paying for I asked them all in private what they were comfortable spending. I don't want my bridesmaids going broke over my wedding, that's ridiculous. And I made sure they all knew they could come to me about any issues.

    Another thing she has only been engaged for 3 weeks and already a bridezilla, can you imagine how much worse she will be when the wedding gets closer. She is going to be a nightmare.
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  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    Make up an excuse and get out of it. She’s only 3 weeks in - it’s not going to get better from here. If you continue as MOH you likely won’t be friends after due to resentment. If you drop out, there’s a good chance she’ll be upset but hopefully isn’t a friendship ended.
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  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
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    Completely agree with PP. She's only been engaged for a few weeks and is already acting like this...kind of a red flag to me. Meet with her to talk it out, let her know how you're feeling. Just because she's the bride, doesn't mean she gets free reign to act like she's been. Your feelings are valid, and deserve to be acknowledged, and no bridal party member deserves to be walked on and treated this way just because she's the bride.

    If she refuses to validate your feelings or acknowledge them, or tries to make the conversation all about her, then step back and kindly let her know that you can't continue being her MOH with this type of dynamic. Like Chantelle said, 'real friends appreciate hard truths'...and it's SO TRUE!! Also, a real friend will take your thoughts and feelings into consideration.

    Lastly, a $400 dress is absurd....point blank period.

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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    She’s no friend. Back out and be done with it.
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  • Expert September 2021
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    I literally just typed out "don't walk, run", but then realized I would want someone to bring me back to reality if I was that overwhelmed 3 weeks in. I would definitely voice everything you're having problems with - dress prices, the attitude and entitlement, emotional instability (it seems like). It may be as simple as being brutally honest with her! But if she still acts that way, I would change the conversation to "I can't be a punching bag your entire engagement". Being a MOH is so fun, I hate that she is giving you a run for your money!!

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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    Agree she doesn't sound like a friend
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  • A
    Expert September 2022
    Allie ·
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    I agree with this! If she wants a punching bag, she can register for one.

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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
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    If this is going on after only three weeks, I would head for the hills! In all seriousness, what she is asking of you is beyond inappropriate. Why the heck are she or her aunt talking about planning a Zoom shower now when the wedding is over a year away? I mean maybe they will still need to do it over Zoom, but who knows what things will look like a year from now and maybe an in-person shower will be possible. I can't imagine why she is worried about that of all things right now. As others have said, set clear boundaries now, which maybe means stepping away as MOH. She is taking advantage of you in a big way, and in the long run it's only going to damage, not enhance, your friendship. Good luck!

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  • A
    Dedicated March 2021
    Annika ·
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    Tell her how unreasonable she is and see how she reacts. If she blows up, your friend is toxic and you should rethink your friendship. If she realises that she’s wrong and apologises, still keep your radar on high alert, because she may go back to her old ways within a few weeks.
    Her wedding is her business. There is no need to keep you up until midnight rambling. You have your own life. Don’t dedicate it to her wedding. Same with your finances. $400 for a dress? An ugly one at that. Learn to say no and take a step back and have a think about why you are trying to please a person that’s treating you this way.
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    I agree with others, you should back out now
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  • Biaani
    Expert May 2021
    Biaani ·
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    It's only been 3 weeks?! How is there so much going on already ?! I agree with others, get out of it now. You do not need all that stress and drama in your life. Let her figure things out on her own. Maybe she needs to hire a wedding planner. She's totally taking advantage, it's not worth it girl!

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  • E
    Expert September 2022
    EGD ·
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    Agree, if I were acting like this, I would want someone to slap me around a little and tell me I'm being unreasonable and crazy.

    How good of friends are you? If you're not close enough to have hard, blunt conversations are you really close enough to let her beat you up like this and stand beside her on her wedding day?

    It's not the MOH or Bridesmaid's job to help plan the wedding, and I'm sorry but $400 is a ridiculous amount for a dress you're going to wear once. I wouldn't agree to that no matter how close I am to someone.

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