How to communicate tastefully "don't bring random dates please."

If you give a plus one, then you don't get to choose. If you don't name a specific guest on the invite, then they can bring whoever they want.

From my understanding, when you include a plus 1...that means...whoever. it could be someone they have been sleeping with for a month or someone theyve known for 5 minutes. i dont think you can really put on there so and so plus one(but make sure you know their last name and birthday and zodiac sign and blood type first) ya know?

I agree with the others. Either include a plus 1 for your guests and accept whoever they choose to bring or limit extras to married, engaged, cohabitating or long term relationships.

On our rsvp cards we are putting special wording. For example if there are six people, we are putting "we have reserved 6 seats in your honor. _Will attend." Something like that. Also we will put "due to space limitations and restrictions we cannot accommodate guest not listed. " They can fight all they want, no pay, no say!

Eta:totally misread the question!

If you give a plus one that's it, you can't choose who they bring.

If you don't want "randoms" don't allow people to bring guests.

I have to disagree with @Starlight. You don't get to decide how serious someones relationship is. They could be together for 6 months but be in a very serious, committed relationship. If someone is in a relationship at all, then they get a +1 (technically their SO's name should be on the invite), but if they're not in a relationship at all, you can decide if they get a +1 or not.

Just don't give them the option to bring a date. Just write their name on the envelope.

So you want them to bring a guest, but only one that you approve of? i don't get it...

anyone in a relationship gets invited as a couple. I agree with Sadie that there shouldn't be an arbitrary cutoff. that is not a plus one, it is an invitation for a couple.

if you give a single guest a plus one that you cannot have any level approval for who they bring

You can't communicate it politely. Just give a plus one and hope for the best. Or only invite married couples and everyone else is stag.

We used WW's RSVP feature on the website. I had a friend who just broke up with her boyfriend tell me that she rsvp'd for him (I hadn't had the chance to remove his name) and that she'd find a date by then. I told her that due to budgetary constraints, we weren't letting people bring guests who weren't significant others. I felt bad but I don't want to pay a per head cost for some random. Also, we basically only invited our friends' bf/gfs if they were "serious" and yes, it was our call. We figure if anyone was going to ask to bring someone who wasn't listed, we would evaluate the relationship at that time.

I have brought my FH to a wedding, before we were engaged. I have brought my bestie to be "my date." All of these invites read, "Plus one." Or "and guest."

I am utilizing the same method as Rachelroni..."We have reserved ___ seats for you" sort of thing...and addressing my envelopes to include specifics. For those who I AM allowing a "plus one"...I will simply add "and Guest" to the envelope. I was going to give EVERYONE single, this option...but then decided I will be more selective about it. (I know MANY who would not bring a random date...weddings are serious pressure items for limbo relationships which are not yet defined! LOL)

I will also add...I have NEVER attended a wedding, solo.

1 - you either give Plus 1's and allow them free range to invite whomever they please

2 - you don't give Plus 1's and you specify exactly who is invited on the RSVP

For example:

We have reserved _2_ seats in your honor

Mr James Smith & Ms Mary Jones

And if they reply back by crossing out Ms Mary Jones and specify someone else, you will have to but your big girl panties on and tell them, "We have carefully chosen our guests so as to include those who mean the most to us. If you cannot attend, we will miss your presence and will be sure to show you pictures and inform you of the day's events."

We are only giving plus ones to people that are in serious relationships, married (obv) or living with someone. So technically it isn't a plus one because we put both names on the invite. If I don't know the name of the persons significant other they aren't getting a plus one, I addressed the invite to them and them only in that case.

I'm doing the whole "we have #seats reserved in your honor" I'm picking which people I am allowing dates for. I don't want my 18yr old cousins bringing dates when they won't be getting an individual present or monetary gift, or my trashy uncle who brings trash dates that cause problems. Only allowing people in long-term relationships to bring their bf/gf

It's incredibly rude to decide what kind of relationship is serious enough to constitute a relationship. For all of your guests who you know are in what YOU consider a serious relationship, you need to invite that person by name. For all of the guests who you think might be single, or might be dating someone, or you're not sure their status at the moment, you need to contact them and ask them if they have a significant other. If they say they do, then you need to invite that person, by name, on the invitation.

It is never necessary to invite anyone "plus one", but it is always necessary to invite people's significant other's--based on how THEY define their relationship, not how you define it.

So for the original question, it's a simple solution. For everyone you don't want to bring a random "plus one", call them up (or text, facebook, whatever) and ask if they're dating anyone they'd like to bring to the wedding, and get their info.

The best way you can "control" it is to give plus ones to those you'd want to give them to. if you give a plus one, and DONT specify who that person is, then its free game for your guest to bring whomever they'd like.

We arent giving certain serial daters plus 1's for that exact reason. Im not having your flavor of the week take up a seat no thanks!

I think it's not trying to judge someone's relationship, but rather whether you want to be surrounded by your friends and family on your wedding day, or surrounded by friends and family and random strangers that some guests brought as their plus ones.

For us, if someone is dating a person and we know about it, they are invited. If our friend who prides himself on being single asks to bring some random girl to the wedding as his date...then no. The guests are our close friends and family, if we haven't met or at least heard of the existance of their SO in the time leading up to the wedding, then how important can they be?

Any single friends invited who are not getting a plus one at least will know multiple other people at our wedding. We have 3 or 4 single friends who are from out of town or who don't know anyone at the wedding except for us, and for these guests we'll make an exception and extend them a plus one, so they can be more comfortable and not sit alone all night.

"only named guests invited please" and hand write their names on the envelope

I think giving someone a plus one should not be about you and your aversion to randoms. A 'plus one' is to make your single guests feel more comfortable. I am have a semi-destination wedding and would hate for any of my guests to have to drive or fly solo to my event, and wish they had a bestie or a mate to enjoy the night with. It's not just about me, it's about the people who I love who are taking time out of their lives to celebrate with me. Anything I can do to accommodate them is absolutely worth it.