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Just Said Yes July 2017

How to clearly distinguish if someone 'gets to bring' a plus one

Lauren, on August 18, 2016 at 10:52 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 33
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So I'm getting ready to send out invitations but am nervous about people asking for plus ones? ... How do I indicate if they do/do not have a plus one? How should I respond if they don't have a plus one but ask to bring someone? And what if they rsvp with more people than I accounted for?

Sorry for lots of questions, but I just don't know how to kindly and politely but up front tell me people, especially close friends and family, these things.

33 Comments

Latest activity by Zaz, on August 19, 2016 at 11:28 AM
  • nursetraveler87
    VIP October 2016
    nursetraveler87 ·
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    Why are you sending invitations already? Your wedding isn't for a year? Are you talking about save the dates Even those might be a bit too early to be sending.

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  • RealLindseyO
    Master October 2017
    RealLindseyO ·
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    It's waaaaay to early to send invites.

    ETA: You send the invitation to the person or people who are invited. If John Smith is invited and gets a plus one (meaning that he is a single person), the invitation goes to Mr John Smith and Guest.

    If Jane Doe is invited and has a significant other (regardless of how long they have been together), the invitation goes to Ms Jane Doe and her significant other by name.

    You don't decide whose relationship is "worthy" of an invitation. You aren't the judge of how long someone has to be in a relationship in order for that relationship to be considered "serious".

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  • F
    Beginner December 2016
    ForeverDavis ·
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    We've decided to ONLY allow plus one's for people that are in engaged or have been dating for a long period of time. Weddings are expensive and unfortunately everyone can't attend. You can find a nice to communicate the message.

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  • Erin381
    Master September 2016
    Erin381 ·
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    Print your invites for ___ of 1 guests.

    Also you should send them in May

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  • MNA
    Master April 2018
    MNA ·
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    Okay, easy way:

    Do they have an SO? If yes, you invite the SO by name, no plus ones needed.

    If no, they get a plus one.

    Done!

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  • MNA
    Master April 2018
    MNA ·
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    @ForeverDavis: That's a pretty rude way to do it. What if someone has been dating for a month but just gotten engaged? Why do you get to determine how serious their relationship is?

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  • L
    Just Said Yes July 2017
    Lauren ·
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    Sorry! I meant to just ask a general question... I'm getting ready really just to look at invitations and their styles.

    I understand it is quite early but I have friends and family out of country so am going to be sending them earlier than normal.

    So I'm just wondering what's the polite way to do all of what I mentioned in the first questions , thanks ladies (:

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  • MissWtoMrsH
    VIP July 2017
    MissWtoMrsH ·
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    I am getting married the week before you and not even thinking about invites! Are you having a destination wedding or something?

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  • Mandi
    VIP May 2016
    Mandi ·
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    You have 11 months until your wedding. Invitations do not need to be sent until around 8 weeks prior to your wedding.

    Significant others are not considered "plus ones." Couples should be invited both by name- whether they have been together an hour, a week, a month or years. Plus ones are for guests generally not in a serious relationship to allow them a companion for the event. Your wedding party members not in a serious relationship should be given plus ones.

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  • RealLindseyO
    Master October 2017
    RealLindseyO ·
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    ForeverDavis, that's extremely rude. My FH and I moved in together after three months, would one of us not have been invited?

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  • Elizabeth
    Master December 2016
    Elizabeth ·
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    It is rude to ever determine who gets a plus one by how long they've been dating. Every person dating another person gets a plus one. Period. Otherwise, you're being a rude host. For guests who are truly single (as in, they are not dating anyone at the moment), you do not have to give a plus one, though it's a nice gesture if you can afford to.

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  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Wow that's rude, ForeverMrsDavis. Anyone that identified themselves to be in a relationship should be invited with their SO.

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  • Formal Pajamas
    Master November 2023
    Formal Pajamas ·
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    Someday I'm going to make a flow chart.

    Are they married, engaged, or in a long-term relationship? if yes, invite that person by name.

    Are they single or int anew relationship? They get a plus one.

    Period.

    Story time:

    I was a B-listed BM in a wedding for an old friend. I was single, and apparently I wasn't important enough to warrant having a plus one to keep me company at her BYOB, potluck wedding.

    So, yes, I sat by myself while the bride and all of her new friends talked to all of their friends.

    plus ones are important.

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  • Crazyinlove<3
    Super September 2016
    Crazyinlove<3 ·
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    What I wish I did....I saw it on here from another user. On your response cards:

    "___ seat(s) have been reserved for you"

    TRUST ME: people are automatically assuming they can bring a plus one no matter how I addressed the invitation. People don't pay attention or feel like they can do it anyways.

    All married/engaged couples got a plus one. If they are in the bridal party they automatically get a plus one. If they are in a long relationship (over 6 months to 1 year), and we know their date---they got a plus one. There were a few exceptions (close family members and friends).

    We still have people that have assumed, which is frustrating. We wanted to give everyone a plus one, but it when it came down to not inviting the people we wanted there, we cut out a lot of plus ones. Most people were understanding.

    There was a link to a good way to tell on WW somewhere....let me try and find it for you.

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  • Crazyinlove<3
    Super September 2016
    Crazyinlove<3 ·
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    Http://publications.weddingwire.com/h/i/271308933-weddingwire-guest-list-guide-2016

    It's under "inspiration"

    ---Wedding Guest Guide

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  • Crazyinlove<3
    Super September 2016
    Crazyinlove<3 ·
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    Scroll through...there is a part where it talks about plus ones.

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  • Rachel DellaPorte
    Rachel DellaPorte ·
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    There's another category of "plus ones" to consider, and it has nothing to do with dating, engagement, living together, etc.

    If you have a single, separated, or divorced family member who has a physical infirmity (neurological or muscular), please offer them a plus one. Some of these people may seem totally ambulatory, but driving can present serious issues for those with chronic pain issues. They might be able to get around town, but anything more than 20 minutes behind the wheel can be problematic for many people with chronic pain issues. If you know of such a family member, via word of mouth, offer them a plus one. If they write to you and say that they need an escort, take them at face value and give them a plus one.

    I'm speaking from experience.

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  • GymRat
    Master May 2017
    GymRat ·
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    FFS a plus one and a SO (significant other) are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS!

    If they're in any sort of relationship = SO. The SO gets invited by name (not "and guest").

    Plus ones are for truly single guests and aren't required (except for those in your wedding party - they all get to bring a guest) but it's nice to. For instance, I'm giving a plus one to those who are traveling far, or won't know anyone at the wedding.

    You can send STDs 9 months before for your OOT guests and still send out invites 6-8 weeks prior. But for God's sake do not send out invites this early!

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  • HailyMarie
    VIP June 2017
    HailyMarie ·
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    I plan to give everyone over 18 a plus 1. Regardless of if they are 'in a relationship' or not.

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  • melanie
    Master August 2017
    melanie ·
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    We are giving an invite to everyone in a relationship that will include whoever they are with, whether its a new or old relationship, either way a relationship is a relationship. For single people over 18 we are trying to move our budget around a little so they too get a plus one, we only have a few peeps so should be workable Smiley smile

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