Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

N
Dedicated July 2020

How to ask family for money for vacation

N, on June 4, 2020 at 5:03 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 17
Saved
Reply
So I think I’ve put myself in a pickle. We originally had our wedding scheduled for April 11th on the beach. It was a micro-DW out of state and everyone was paying their own fare and stays. We postponed and then canceled the actual reception, etc. but still had hopes of doing a small ceremony with just family.


I found a house near our original location and threw it up to a few family members like “hey if I rent this house would you all want to come for a vacation and we can do the ceremony one day!). They all excitedly agreed so I rented the house and starters planning a small ceremony. I didn’t mention paying for it at the time and haven’t still and now I don’t know how to open the conversation. It’s an 8 bedroom house (3 families attending plus me and FH) and I rented it for a week and it’s about $10k. So it’s quite a big expense I hadn’t anticipated.
We are not a family that does combined family vacations so it’s not like it’s normal to have someone pay for a rental. But I’m just surprised none do the family has brought it up like “ok how much do we need to chip in”. I don’t want it to ruin the vacation but I also am getting kinda annoyed that they’d not mention anything and expect I’d pay for a vacation for their families...
Anyone have any polite way of confronting it to give me?

17 Comments

Latest activity by karen, on June 7, 2020 at 12:26 PM
  • J
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    There's really not a polite way to force people to pay.

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Expert January 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    If you said “if I rent this house”, I would interpret that as you renting and paying for the house. It’s very possible they don’t realize they are expected to pay.
    • Reply
  • Connie
    Savvy September 2020
    Connie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I would never expect for anyone to pay for my vacation however the way you worded it makes it seem like you would take on this expense .



    “ hey if I rent this house would you all want to come for a vacation and we can do the ceremony one day!). ”
    I would message them and say hey y’all ,. So here is how much it is per family or something along those lines . That will definitely open up the conversation . Good luck !

    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Agree with the others. The way you worded it sounds like you planned on covering the cost which is why it sounds like your family doesn't think they need to cover the cost. Honestly, there is no good way to ask your family to cover the cost. At this point, I would plan on covering the cost. It is your vacation and your wedding so it does make sense that you plan for it.
    • Reply
  • N
    Dedicated July 2020
    N ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    I think that’s where I’m coming from. I would NEVER not pay my own way and would have assumed I’d be contributing. If I couldn’t force money I’d insist on buying something to try and cover the costs (food, etc.).


    I think I’ll go your route as a last resort but Hopi g I can come up with subtler ways.
    • Reply
  • N
    Dedicated July 2020
    N ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Well it’s a vacation for everyone. There’ll be 16 total (me and FH are just 2). My sister has a family of 7. I guess I was wrong in thinking people would assume they’d pay for their own family’s vacation. I mean I could have just rented a house for me and FH for much cheaper and had them rent their own but we talked about staying in one house being easier to coordinate. Which was what was supposed to happen originally.
    • Reply
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I would take this as the equivalent of you paying for a venue. You didn’t ask your family if they were willing to contribute to the rental in advance, so I think it would be very presumptuous for you to now expect them to chip in. You invited them.... if you didn’t mention that they had to pay, that’s misleading
    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I don't think people are assuming its a vacation for them. If the point of scheduling it was to have a day for a ceremony, they may not be seeing it as a "family vacation." That definitely wouldn't seem like a vacation to me. On top of the wording, I think it's highly likely that they don't realize they're supposed to pay at all. You may have to be really blunt, but you could try something like "Hey y'all, how do we want to split up the costs for this?"

    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I agree with everyone else that the way you worded your invitation sounded like you were planning to pay for your own wedding venue. But now that you realize you don't want to spend $10k, the only way forward is to be up front about asking for reimbursement. I don't think it's fair for you to be annoyed they can't read your mind.

    That said, be prepared for people to decline once they realize how expensive this is going to be.

    • Reply
  • Nefetera
    VIP March 2015
    Nefetera ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Letting them know the break down...house much itnis per family.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Expert May 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I also agree maybe it could have been clearer HOWEVER I would never just assume someone was paying for me, cause that would be awkward lol. I would have asked what the cost to me was before jumping on board. You are not solely responsible for the mis communication. But you maybe could have been clearer to your family and guests. BUT In what world do people get free trips. I think it was also unfair for guests to assume they dont need to pay anything. Can you cancel the booking, for go the big house and tell everyone it couldn't work and they now need to book on their own? Could you just tell everyone you booked and cant believe you forgot to make sure the shared costs were ok with everyone. Make it like you are also feeling like a mistake happened. Not sure but I really dont think your all at blame here.
    • Reply
  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    I completely agree with this advice. Saying that you will have a wedding day ceremony and want to book a rental house for the occasion is not the same as simply going on vacation. I've been to several of these vacation-like micro weddings and the bride and groom have always covered the cost of the rental home (granted, the longest one I've been to was 4 days, not a whole week, and I don't think they spent $10K on the rental). I would be honest with them, but also be prepared that they may want to stay elsewhere given the cost.

    • Reply
  • Anna
    VIP October 2020
    Anna ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    If you send an actual invitation about t he ceremony you could throw in a line of “in lieu of gifts, consider contributing towards the cost of the rental house”. It’s what my cousin and his fiancée did in regards to paying for the food truck. Yeah there’s probably some people who consider it tacky, but it’s not the end of the world.
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    I wouldn't say, "in lieu of gifts" though, because money IS a gift. It's better to be straightforward and ask for reimbursement of the rental house cost.

    • Reply
  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Exactly this! Your wording heavily implied that you will be paying. As another PP said, cover the cost and consider it your venue payment.
    If you split by families (4 total) that's 2.5k each. I would be pretty offended if you suddenly asked me for that much money and would decline going. Also as PP said, It isn't a true vacation for them, it's your wedding week.
    • Reply
  • Kaysey
    Super February 2020
    Kaysey ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    This is a tricky situation. Honestly, I don't think those you asked think they're helping pay for it because you said "if I rent" - which implies that you would be covering the costs and they are just invited guests. Hopefully as the date gets closer your family may ask if you want help paying for the house, but in my opinion asking them to help pay for it now can come off as a little rude because you already stated that you would be renting it. I agree with what Gen said; consider it your venue payment and maybe some of your guests will offer to help cover the costs as your date gets closer.

    Good Luck!

    • Reply
  • karen
    Master October 2017
    karen ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Ugh, sorry. Glad that you recognized you got yourself in a pickle. Asking people to chip in, or treat as gift, I don't think most people give $2500. I would see if I could cancel and get something smaller and let people find their own housing. Most BnBs are very cheap now

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

8 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Signing Up for Couples Counseling
Married Life 8 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Signing Up for Couples... Not sure whether couples counseling is right for you? Ask yourself these...
8 Ways to Save Money on Wedding Flowers
Wedding Flowers 8 Ways to Save Money on Wedding Flowers From bouquets to boutonnieres, weddings typically include lots and lots of...
20 Essential Questions to Ask a Wedding Caterer
Food & Beverage 20 Essential Questions to Ask a Wedding Caterer Searching for a wedding caterer in your area? Get the answers to these questions...
Read more articles
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics