How to ask a family member to photograph wedding as a gift?

No, you can't...or you shouldn't. If a family member wants to offer their services as a gift, they will (and even then, I'd suggest you decline for any number of reasons that I'll address in the next paragraph). A couple should never ask for specific gifts, whether it's in the form of cash for their honeymoon, or just cash. You do not address the issue of wedding gifts with your guests -- EVER. It is the height of rudeness and makes you seem as though you have an issue with entitlement. A majority of your guests will give you cash, and if they don't, oh well. That's the way it goes. Remember, it's a wedding, not a revisit to the holiday seasons of your youth in which a wish list is acceptable.

Now, why would you want a family member to play vendor on your wedding day (and remember, each of these answers is based on verbiage that I've read, authored by brides who went this route, on this forum):

1. You have no right to a consultation, no right to submit a list of "must have" shots, and you will be stuck with whatever you get. You also have no right to expect this family member to show up hours before the ceremony to capture the getting ready shots, the shoe/ring/bouquet shots, the wedding gown hanging in the window shots, the artistic "rings in the flowers or branches" shots, the perfume and pearls shots, the groom's suite shots, the arbor shots, the reception area shots, etc., etc., etc. Photographers are on-site and working hours before the ceremony begins -- and I know that for a fact (because we have to coordinate our delivery with their on-site arrival), and then their work continues throughout the ceremony and progresses to wedding portraits taken during the cocktail hour, the great introductions, first dances, toasts, bouquet toss/garter extravaganza, cake cutting, grand exit, etc.

2. Your family member should never be asked (because you are putting them under a unfair level of pressure) to do a MULTI-THOUSAND DOLLAR job for you at your wedding. They belong at Table 8, enjoying cocktails, dinner, dancing, and socializing.

3. You should never approach a guest and specify what gift you want -- especially if that gift requires more than money -- as in, hours of working because you didn't want to pay for a private photographer.

4. A wedding photographer has every right to ask you to sign a contract and meet your fee schedule obligations. However, if you ask them to give you the gift of their professional talent, they will be confused as to how to proceed. Unless they have a scant portfolio that is starving for images, they won't be interested in working while their peers are relaxing/partying. A contract, with a family member who isn't paying for services rendered? That's an uncomfortable position to be in, so it probably won't happen.

5. What if the final product isn't to your liking? Brides are notoriously picky -- and I only do their flowers -- I don't supply their images. So, what are you going to do if you don't like the way you look in the photos? Will you come back to this forum and complain about the work you didn't pay for? If you don't like the work, you're stuck with it. After all, it was a gift.

6. What value do you place on four to six hours of professional photography? Most professional photographers charge upwards of $1,000 (and that's an EXTREMELY conservative number that covers two hours -- a number you can triple if you live in my area) for wedding packages. What in the world makes you think you are entitled to a gift that massive when many of your guests will spend between $75 and $200 on their cash/tangible gifts? And remember, the gift doesn't end when the wedding ends. Editing -- hours of editing -- are required, and this unpaid photographer will have to keep working on the gift the keeps on giving.

7. Is he/she going to get a vendor meal and sit at the vendor table, or will you allow him/her to take a seat at a guest table and shovel his/her food into his/her mouth so that he/she can get back on his/her feet and capture the magic of your reception (and don't forget his/her SO or guest he/she is absolutely entitled to bring -- a lady or gentleman who will spend the evening alone while the photographer/guest works your wedding)? Are you going to side-eye him/her if they take advantage of the open bar you're hosting -- which I assume you're hosting? Pros don't drink at weddings, but guests do.

You're totally out of line if you go down this path. Invite your family member as a guest. You could ask if he/she can recommend a great photographer, but don't go any further than that.

Piper, maybe you can ask him to recommend someone ?

Excuse me; in my area, that's a 3500.00 gift at minimum. Asking for that is a pretty ballsy move.

There could be so many factors that could go wrong with that situation which is why friendors are not recommended. I would just hire a professional photographer.

I'm paying almost $3000 for my photographer. I wouldn't expect anyone to spend anywhere close to that on a wedding gift....

Agree with celia we paid close to 4000 for our photographer! Definitely would never ask for a gift in general let alone a gift in the thousands! My photographer is a friend of mine..who i met when i HIRED her to take my daughter's pictures . She's been taking our family photos for 6 years ...and i became close with her ...i also HIRED her to do my wedding at FULL price. You don't ask for discounts no matter how close yall are! EVER

You dont. If they offer great. Dont ask.

This is the same as asking someone to give you 3k. Would you feel comfortable asking a family member to gift you 3k? Remember, should would be working 8hrs at your wedding plus all the hours that goes into editing your pictures.

Definitely agree with PPs, that is a HUGE gift to be asking for. Our photography package is about $2k, and we are getting married in a relatively affordable area. If you wouldn't ask them for multiple thousands of dollars in cash, don't ask them to provide services valued at that for free.

I haven't read all the comments yet but You don't.... your family is supposed to enjoy your wedding, not work. That's terrible. Not to mention that they're going to feel like they have to be the photographer because if they say no it'll make them look bad or feel like they'll look bad anyway. It's just a horrible idea, they won't be able to say no. Then if they say yes, but they secretly don't want to do it, your pictures may turn out like crap so stick to finding a real photographer

ETA: just read all the comments and there was great advice. One PP stuck out who said she wouldn't expect someone to pay 3000 on a gift. Photographers are expensive and your friend offering their services for free would be a massive gift.

Just dont

Surely OP will come back.

Op where are you?? Lol hmmmm

@Tammy, you're five stars!!! Update your avatar!!

This is WAY too much to expect for a gift. Plus, you should absolutely never ask for a specific gift. Don't do this.

Nope Nope Nope!

You don't.

If they offer, by all means graciously accept it. But it wouldn't be polite to request that as a gift.

Even if they offer, do not accept. They should not be working your wedding.

As a photographer:

If I were in your relative's shoes, I'd flat out say No.

My equipment is expensive. My time is valuable. I do not shoot ANYTHING for free.

Do not higher a friendor. Higher a professional. Can't afford one? Make cuts, push back your date to save money, figure it out.

This is disgusting.