How to answer a canceled guest?

Yes, that’s exactly what you should do. Then you should let it go and not fret about it.

Yeah, nothing good can come by saying more than that (even though you and I both want to lol!).

“Thanks for letting us know”. You said yourself things happen. Whether you like the excuse or not, at least she’s telling you now and not just not showing up and not saying anything on the day of (plenty of people experience no shows).

I don't think it's really fair to stay angry about this, stuff like kids school dances aren't scheduled super far in advance so she probably didn't know. I would tell her that you appreciate her letting you know, it's a lot better than a no show.

Unfortunately, it’s frustrating but it’s life. Whether you like or agree with the excuse, they’re not attending. You can offer their spaces to a “B” list couple or you can chalk the payment. Maybe there’s a friend you wanted to invite but couldn’t squeeze in. Send her a “Thank you, sorry you’ll miss it” text and enjoy your day.

I honestly would text her, "That's unfortunate to hear! We actually just paid off the venue and were looking forward to everyone attending the wedding." I'm upset for you because a wedding is expensive and you plan for the people who rsvp and to last min not back out that's upsetting. I know everyone says to just let it go but that is easier said than done. A school dance is every year and a wedding is once. They knew the date of the wedding well in advance before a dance, so I'm sorry but there's no excuse.

You can thanks for letting us know bc things happens in the process of wedding planning. Don’t be mad or upset. Let it go. You can invite someone from your b list that is willing to come.

Dates can still slip people's minds. I've been looking forward to the 14th bc we find out if our baby is a boy or a girl, but somebody said something about the 14th the other day and I was like huh....the date seems familiar but couldn't place it for a while.

I wouldn't hold a grudge for this. Yeah it sucks that you paid for them, but would you feel more angry if they just didnt show with zero explanation?
I would just text her saying something like "We wish you could still come but thanks for letting us know."

There’s nothing to say except “Thanks for letting us know”. I had at least 6 people not show up. Some let me know, while I’m still waiting to hear from others.

I also had 3 UNINVITED guests that ate even though the Hostesses had been advised “If they’re not on the seating chart, then they don’t eat”.

Is this a really close friend?? A really close friend would have canceled on the dance not the wedding and explained to the daughter why they couldn’t attend... you have a right to be upset I just wouldn’t say anything other than “thank you for letting me know” and then try to fill her spots... let out all your rage on here and to BMs and FS but don’t waste your energy on starting an argument with her..

View Quoted Comment I agree! I'm honestly hoping for some of those due to space constraints - have some friends I wish could come!

It sucks. Happened with a couple of our guests. However, our guests had much more serious reasons than a dance. I’d say thanks for letting you know and move on, keeping in mind that maybe the reasoning is something they’d like to keep private and the dance is a scapegoat. If she’s a very close friend and you know for sure she’s putting the dance over your wedding, you can let her know how sad you’ll be to not spend your day with her. Ultimately though, not everyone is going to make it and that’s something we all just have to deal with.

People unfortunately don't care. My husband's aunt told my mother-in-law a week before our wedding that her husband wasn't attending. She thought that was enough notice even though I had messaged the aunt numerous times on Facebook asking her if her step son was attending and I told her when the deadline was. Her husband decided not to attend because his son wasn't, but his son wasn't attending because he couldn't afford to pay for the hotel room and his father refused to cover the cost. It was the dumbest excuse ever and what really argued me was that they posted photos on Facebook of them hanging out at bar when he should have just come to the wedding like they told us. I would just let it go because there isn't much you can do anyways. We had people tell us they were going to attend, but ended up being a no show anyways.

“Thanks for letting us know” or
”Sorry to hear that, but thanks for letting us know”
are the only appropriate responses and ones that won’t lead to lasting issues.
Real talk, you just need to get over it. It’s not worth getting worked up over. At least they told you ahead of time (chances are there’s gonna be someone who DIDNT who doesn’t show day of). Things happen and people do the best they can. You don’t know the back story or how much effort they l hurt in to make it work. Maybe they called every single parent they know and still couldn’t get coverage, and maybe the whole dance gets canceled if they don’t have enough chaperones and maybe it’s a Really Big Deal to the kid and promises were made. People make scheduling mistakes. You just have to move on. I’d forgive but I suppose you can choose not to if its worth losing the friendship over to you. People don’t know when your final headcount and payment are due, but they definitely seem to have tried to give some advance notice, which is a big plus.

also, you never know what else may come up in the next few days. I had someone cancel on me 6 days out. Cousin’s husband has some health issues and nothing actually changed, he just decided he wasn’t up for the party. When she reached out to cancel she apologized and honest and basically said she probably should never have rsvped yes for him in the first place because she should’ve known this would happen, but she was feeling optimistic. THATs life, honestly. She even specifically mentioned hoping it wasn’t too late for ya headcount and payment wise (it was, of course, but I wasn’t about to say that). I told her no big deal and was sorry he’d miss it but I was looking forward to getting to celebrate with her!
Anyway 2 hours later, I get a message from someone we had invited who rsvped no as they’d be out of town, and suddenly their plans changed— and is it too late to say yes? We would’ve been within our right to say “sorry we’re all filled up now” but we said yes and it worked out because he got the other guy’s plate we had already paid for anyway. A couple days later someone else reached out and asked if it would be okay if they brought a guest— though he didn’t, ultimately , it turned out there were a number of occasions where it came up naturally that we could’ve given that paid-for plate to someone else!

ill also say, if I made a mistake and tried my very best to fix it and couldn’t, and couldn’t attend a wedding, and let the couple know and their response was “well you should know I just paid for you” I would feel so awkward and hurt I would probably go a very long time without talking to that bride&groom again

View Quoted Comment

I am definitely not trying to start an argument with anyone which is why I posted here - to get my feelings out and to to make sure my response is appropriate. I would never say "I already paid for you". I do think I am leaning toward saying, "that is unfortunate, you will be missed! Thanks for letting me know."

View Quoted Comment Haha not really directed at you so much as a reaction to another comment I scrolled by

Definitely worth venting ! And a pause before a guy response is a good one. It’s definitely super frustrating, but these things do happen to all of us (on both sides of the occasion). And at the end of the day whether you paid for them or not, it’s upsetting to be excited to celebrate with a guest and then find out they won’t be there afterall!

I would just say "thanks for the heads up" or not respond at all. It's pretty typical to have a few no shows or late cancellations.

Yes I've had that happen to mine. It's frustrating because they had all that time to figure their schedule out and it's not like at that moment you can invite more people. You sometimes just have to eat the cost of the no shows.

I'd probably go with something like, "Oh, darn! We were so looking forward to you being there and will miss you. Thanks for letting us know." It's pleasant, positive, and, hopefully, a tiny bit guilt inducing without calling them out....

I had 2 people tell me that their plus ones could not make it due to work at the last minute, this was the day before the wedding.. I said okay no worries and offered them the chance to bring someone else in the place of their plus one. One of these people was my cousin and her husband had to work last minute and since we have many friends in common I told her to bring someone else if she didn't to drive alone but she went with other family and the other was my sorority sister who's husband could not come as well and she was coming from far so I told her she could bring someone else instead but she opted to stay with friends the night of the wedding and drive with them. I was able to use my "extras" as my vendor meals so my vendors also had surf & turf at no extra price.