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Beginner September 2018

How to address Future Mother In Law

Autumn Jo, on August 9, 2018 at 10:40 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9
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My future mother in law has done everything she can to piss me off. And I can't tell if she is doing it because she hates me or because she doesn't know any better? I wanted my wedding to be a special experience and something I've always dreamed of. This whole wedding experience has been the worst ever. Every detail has her ruining something.
We went wedding dress shopping her my parents and the bridesmaids all wanted to go. Yes that was a lot of people but that's besides the point. I didn't want to drive. The shop was an hour away, it was raining, I hate trying on clothes and I wanted to get a drink durring lunch after. We only needed two cars and I was moving my car out of the way and to my surprise mother in law jumps in and the other two car loads of people said oh, ok if you wanna drive that's fine and they started backing out and I said screw it. I guess I'm driving. On the way mother in law decided to tell me that her mom thought I was pregnant. (I'm a little chunky, and again I don't like trying things on). The appt was ruined by everyone bringing me dresses I couldn't get my leg into and I cried and went to lunch and had no drink...
Asking for any money is a huge issue. So I have said forget it and have been on the road to maxing out my credit card.
She wants to wait until 2 days before the wedding to go to kroger and buy alcohol. Which their family drinks A LOT. My bridal shower was a couple weekends ago. My mom made my favorite fruity drink and it was in a punch bowl. I was dropped off by my future hubby at 1:15 as told by both mother's and the shower started at 1. When I got there I was given half a cup of this drink. Went up to get more and if was gone. By 1:30 no alcohol. Not even the bottle in the fridge. My mother in laws family drank it all.... And she thinks waiting 2 days before the wedding will be ok to grab some cases from kroger. She also mentioned how people are going to bring their own beer.
Most recently she got me a late shower and birthday gift. Lingerie. Ok, whatever, that's fine. Except I'm almost positive it came from her closet or goodwill. No tags on it, smells like most goodwill and is very out dated. Yes it's the thought that counts but don't we all know not to buy used underwear?
I could name other things that have gone on.

Really I just need some advice how to put a stop to this. I think she hates me because she would never do this stuff to her own daughter. And I don't want to deal with this my whole life.

9 Comments

Latest activity by Angela , on August 10, 2018 at 11:17 AM
  • Tara
    Master September 2018
    Tara ·
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    Yikes she sounds like a bad dream sorry you are dealing with this
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  • Emily
    Devoted August 2018
    Emily ·
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    I would try bringing up the fact that she is doing things that are causing you to feel like she doesn’t like you. I would tell her that you don’t know if it is intentional but that those things make you upset. If that doesn’t work.. turn in bridzilla!!
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  • A
    Beginner September 2018
    Autumn Jo ·
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    I will have to try. I should've put a stop to it sooner because recently she has me so mad at her I don't even want to talk to her. I feel like if I do she is going to do something else to make me snap and become a bridezilla.
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  • Emily
    Devoted August 2018
    Emily ·
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    That’s totally understandable. My dad has been the only one to stress me out during wedding planning. He told me last night that he won’t be coming (9 days until the wedding) . And before that he was so back and forth with coming and not coming. So at this point I’m not speaking to him.
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  • A
    Beginner September 2018
    Autumn Jo ·
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    That's awful... I'm sorry to hear that. I have no idea what I would do without my dad. He's been my rock this whole time. Even has a back up plan and a plan to that back up plan for when the mother in law waits to the last minute for alcohol and doesn't buy enough😂. I totally get it though. My side of the family is going to have my parents, sister and my uncle his wife and cousin who is the ring bearer. My family hasn't sent RSVPs and one did and it said no thanks. It's hard and it's eye opening.
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  • LadyK
    Dedicated September 2018
    LadyK ·
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    You just may have to go “Bridezilla” on her so she can see that she’s creeping up the wrong tree! Ok maybe not bridezilla, but start addressing the obnoxious things she’s doing now before it escalates and starts to creep into the relationship between you and ur fiancé! That has to be so super annoying. I hope She backs off before it’s too late
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  • B
    Super July 2018
    Brittany ·
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    I'm really sorry this is happening Smiley sad. Unfortunately based off of what you said, she seems like the type of person who will get worse if you confront her. I would recommend leaving her out of everything wedding related from here on out, if there's something she needs to be involved in because she's paying, have your fiance deal with it with her. Also, do not let her get ready with you. This is supposed to be a happy time for you, and it truly could be, you just have to block out negative people and focus on the positive people around you... your fiance, your mom, your bridesmaids, etc. Every bride has someone in their lives that want to make everything harder, that person for me was also my MIL, the more you leave them out, the better things will be.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I would tell your fiance how you feel, maybe he can talk to her and stand up for you. I wouldn't include her in any other wedding planning and I'd plan on paying for the wedding without her.

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  • Angela
    Dedicated September 2018
    Angela ·
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    There are 2 roads I think you could take...

    1. Communicate to her that you're stressed out and that some of the situations you've been in have only added to the stress. Stay away from "YOU" sentences and say more "I" sentences. "I feel anxious and stressed out and I am getting really upset when I'm in _____ situation or when _____ happens."

    2. I also agree with a pp that she may be the type of person that gets worse with confrontation. If this is the case, I would simply stop inviting her to things and keep the wedding sharing to a minimum. If she needs to be involved, have your fiance handle it. She may be a little offended, but if she confronts you about it you can let her know that this is what's best for you.

    As a side note: If you do have to attend things with your FMIL, ask a few of your bridesmaids to be a buffer. Have a signal or safe word and communicate clearly to them what you need them to do. "Hey Jane, I've been having issues with my FMIL and I need you to be my wingmaid (like a wingman). If FMIL talks to me can you pull me away and say there is an emergency I need to handle, or if I say 'rhubarb' can you pull me into the bathroom?" Simple requests of your Bridesmaids is normal and I'm sure they would be more than happy to help with this covert operation. The bridesmaids can get away with being "rude" (like pulling you away from a conversation) and no one cares, but if you are rude to her, there's no good ending.

    **You will need to set clear boundaries and stick to them in order for either of these scenarios to work. This may also start to show up in your relationship with you and your FH, so just keep an eye on her crossing your boundaries.

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