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Beginner October 2021

How to address bridesmaid's hair color clashing with the dress.

Tiffany, on June 11, 2021 at 10:59 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 37

So my bridesmaid has dyed bright red hair, like maybe a little less brighter than fire engine red. She's had it since around the end of last year. She's been dyeing her hair natural and unnatural colors for a few years now, and has changes colors pretty frequently. The dresses I've picked out for...

So my bridesmaid has dyed bright red hair, like maybe a little less brighter than fire engine red. She's had it since around the end of last year. She's been dyeing her hair natural and unnatural colors for a few years now, and has changes colors pretty frequently.

The dresses I've picked out for the bridesmaids are a pale pink and her hair clashes badly with the dress. When she first tried her dress on with me, it was her that brought it up first. I didn't realize it would clash like that, but it does, and I'd rather not have such as clash on the day or in the photos. I love the color and picked out the color of the dress before Covid made me postpone the wedding. Also my other 4 bridesmaids are all various shades of blonde (my family are literally all blonde and the other non-family bridesmaid dyes her hair blonde), so she's going to stick out further.

Would it be reasonable of me to request that she dyes her hair any natural color, and how should I go about doing that without offending her? Am I a bridezilla if I were to even bring this up? I'm happy with paying for it. If she were to say no, I'd leave it that. She's one of my closest friends and I still want her to be my bridesmaid regardless of her hair, and I'm certainly not kicking her out. But I'd rather there be no clash like that at my wedding. Help please.

37 Comments

  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale ·
    • Flag

    Did you say, "yeah, I kind of agree it will clash"?

    I think the only good way to approach this is just ask if she plans to change her hair color before the wedding. She may have already decided to. I know many women who like to dye their hair unnatural colors who wouldn't even need to be asked to change it. The fact that she mentioned it would suggest to me she might be considering it anyway. I'm sure she doesn't want to look like a wardrobe clash, either.

    But, if her answer to that question is no, then just accept it. You can suggest she pulls it back from her face (such as in a chignon, braid, or pulled back with a headband) to make the color less obvious.

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  • T
    Beginner October 2021
    Tiffany ·
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    Yes I would. If she wanted me to dye my hair red, I'd buy some red hair dye, or make an appointment at the salon. Its her wedding and her day, if she wanted that aesthetic, she'd get it. I can always dye my hair back afterwards.

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  • T
    Beginner October 2021
    Tiffany ·
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    I haven't brought it up to her yet.

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  • T
    Beginner October 2021
    Tiffany ·
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    Yes I agreed with her, and we both talked about how the colors clashed. I wasn't too sure if she was upset at the dress color though, and that conversation ended there.

    I like the idea of having her hair pulled back, that might be a good compromise, if she doesn't want to dye her hair.

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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Agree with this. The BM brought it up. OP, I'd ask if she has any plans to dye her hair between now and October.
    • Reply
  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    They have dyes that only last a couple of washes. If I had unnaturally colored hair - as in something not found on a human head - I'd absolutely do it.
    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    Savvy September 2022
    Stephanie Online ·
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    She's one of my best friends, someone who I love very much and who's always been there for me. I knew she didn't think I was ugly and needed to fix myself, or because she was jealous of my brunette hair, she just didn't wanted the look of having the hair colors matching. I knew she cared a lot about her wedding and of aesthetics and all that, and as she's one of my best friends, I was happy to help her get the look she wanted for the wedding.

    Also the photos looked very good and coordinated, and I ended up liking the blonde. She offered to pay for me to go back to brunette straight away, but I kept the blonde for a while. Also she's in my wedding party, and she said I can pick out her hair color for the wedding.

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  • Stephanie
    Savvy September 2022
    Stephanie Online ·
    • Flag

    Also OP if she dyes her hair every frequently, she may be willing to try a new (or old) look for your wedding, and be happy to dye it.

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  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    Oh, I meant even bringing it up here… like at all. It doesn’t seem you really want people’s opinions though! You seem to have your mind made up.
    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Expert September 2022
    Courtney ·
    • Flag

    I really hate it when people are like 'Oh, I'm not in that situation but I'd dye my hair at the drop of a hat if a friend asked me to'. Don't try and reason that you'd bend over backwards for someone when you're thinking of asking an unreasonable request of someone else. Chances are they would never put you in that position, so it's unfair to put them in it.

    Your friend was probably hoping you'd change the color of the dress. She may be changing her color on her own, and you can ask her how she's styling her hair for the wedding, but I personally would avoid asking if she plans to color it. Likely will come off as you trying to gently convince her to dye her hair, and could be really offensive.

    I've got colored hair, vibrant is especially expensive and time consuming to achieve. So don't diminish your friend by suggesting/telling her to change her color. If she comes to that decision on her own great for her, but it's not your decision or your place to pick her hair color.

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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    tenor.gif
    Yes! All of this
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  • themost
    Dedicated October 2021
    themost ·
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    So as someone who has literally dyed my hair every color on the color wheel (and sometimes 2-3 colors) I understand the dilemma of hair that clashes. As such, I have different colored attire schemes to match/complement whatever my hair color is at the time. Safe to say, I hate it when my hair clashes also. If I was your bridesmaid I would 100% already have my wedding hair color planned.


    So while I wouldn't ask her to change it, I think you could safely inquire as to if she was planning to change her hair color "any time soon." She may have something that's she already been planning. (But also, for my sister's wedding a few years ago, I did go all one color. Not because she asked me, but because I didn't want to stand out awkwardly in the pictures or stand out too much and take away the spotlight from her or anything. And also like I said, my own vanity and knowing my hair clashed with the bridesmaid dresses was a big part of my changing my hair color for her wedding.)
    Good luck. 😊
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  • Judith
    Judith ·
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    How apalling, to dye your hair from brown to blonde just to match blonde bridesmaids.
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  • Judith
    Judith ·
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    You knew she regularly dyed her hair various colors before you chose her fur the wedding. Now it is also up to her. The only reasonable expectation is that whatever she colors her hair, she chooses a style that is compatible with the formality of the occasion, and her dress. She need not match, but if everyone else is in a formal hairstyle, she must choose a formal style, whatever color.
    • Reply
  • EGD
    Devoted September 2022
    EGD ·
    • Flag

    I have 5 bridesmaids, 1 with black hair, 1 with a dark dark red, 1 brunette, 1 brunette with blonde highlights, 1 bleach blonde and 1 with bright red/orange hair, I myself am a bleach blonde with purple hues. All my girls will be wearing dusty sage from Azazzie except my MOH (black hair) who will be wearing dust rose. I haven't seen how the colors will look with each girls hair, but I would NEVER in a million years ask one of them to dye their hair.

    I'm a natural brunette, just a few shades shy of black, but I LOVE my blonde hair, I spend a considerable amount of money to get my hair the color I have it. If someone (even my BEST FRIEND or my family) asked me to dye my hair for their wedding I would step down as a bridesmaid and laugh in their face.

    While it's easy to say "She can just by a bod of dye and color her hair" its not that easy, she will need to remove the color she has, as a box of dye is going to react with her current hair color and won't turn out to be what the picture on the box is, and box dye is extremely damaging to hair.

    If she herself noticed the clash, she's aware of it and can make her own decision on if she wishes to change it or not.

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  • Hannah
    Savvy October 2021
    Hannah Online ·
    • Flag
    Oh my gosh I’m sorry but you need to rephrase things here - all my friends and family are blonde, so she’s gonna stick out? That’s such a sad way to look at it. I would definitely embrace your friends uniqueness if you’ve offered to have her a part of your wedding day. I would NEVER change my hair color for a wedding.
    • Reply
  • B
    Savvy September 2021
    Bumblebee3 ·
    • Flag
    I was in a wedding with a bridesmaid who had bright (dyed) orange hair, and the bride asked her to wear a wig that was a natural color. The hairstylist styled her wig just the same as the rest of ours and if I’m being honest her wig hair looked much better than my own hair!


    That all being said, I don’t think it’s that bad to have a discussion about it, especially since it’s sounds like she’s open to talk about options (whether that’s dying her hair to a shade that looks good in the gown or whatever), however I do think you should offer to pay for it since it may be expensive.
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