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Beginner October 2021

How to address bridesmaid's hair color clashing with the dress.

Tiffany, on June 11, 2021 at 10:59 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 37
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So my bridesmaid has dyed bright red hair, like maybe a little less brighter than fire engine red. She's had it since around the end of last year. She's been dyeing her hair natural and unnatural colors for a few years now, and has changes colors pretty frequently.

The dresses I've picked out for the bridesmaids are a pale pink and her hair clashes badly with the dress. When she first tried her dress on with me, it was her that brought it up first. I didn't realize it would clash like that, but it does, and I'd rather not have such as clash on the day or in the photos. I love the color and picked out the color of the dress before Covid made me postpone the wedding. Also my other 4 bridesmaids are all various shades of blonde (my family are literally all blonde and the other non-family bridesmaid dyes her hair blonde), so she's going to stick out further.

Would it be reasonable of me to request that she dyes her hair any natural color, and how should I go about doing that without offending her? Am I a bridezilla if I were to even bring this up? I'm happy with paying for it. If she were to say no, I'd leave it that. She's one of my closest friends and I still want her to be my bridesmaid regardless of her hair, and I'm certainly not kicking her out. But I'd rather there be no clash like that at my wedding. Help please.

37 Comments

Latest activity by Bumblebee3, on June 20, 2021 at 12:17 AM
  • L
    Lady ·
    • Flag

    No, it's not reasonable. It's her head and she can dye her hair how she wants to. Do not bring this up with her.

    • Reply
  • Kk
    Devoted October 2021
    Kk ·
    • Flag
    Yes, it is unreasonable. You shouldn't ask your closest girls to change anything about their appearance for you wedding. They are you friends, not your props.
    • Reply
  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
    • Flag
    Agreed. It is unreasonable and over-the-top to request a bridesmaid to change their hair color (which will be incredibly damaging and expensive for her to return to red afterward) for your wedding. Everyone’s eyes will be on you, not on your bridesmaids.
    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    It’s a bad ask and it tends to go over badly.


    My advice is: your wedding is not til October. Don’t stress this. You say she changes hair color frequently and that she herself made a comment about the clash. So, she may choose to change it on her own before then. But, she might not, and since she’s aware of the clash already, that means that her hair color is more important to her than how she looks for the day . I understand that for you it is pictures and more than just a day. But, that doesn’t tip the scale. And asking for a color family (natural) is unreasonable if that is not what she is comfortable with at the moment.
    I know you are being super reasonable, thinking if she says no it is fine and you won’t push it, but often times in situations like these , the ask alone is enough to make it blow up.
    • Reply
  • R
    Savvy June 2022
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    I'm sorry, but I can't see this as anything but an over the top bridezilla request. If she is your one of your closest friends, do you want to really offend her about hair. I get that pink clashes with red, but I think you should let this go.

    Whether the red is natural looking or not isn't important. If she wanted you to dye your hair red for her wedding, would you?

    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag

    While I totally get not wanting her to have a crazy hair color, it would be unreasonable to ask her to dye her hair. Maybe she will decide on her own to change her hair color since she is the one that mentioned it to begin with.

    • Reply
  • Apryl
    Devoted March 2022
    Apryl ·
    • Flag
    I think that you would be overstepping if you asked her to change her hair color. Especially since she's been dyeing her hair for so long so it's nothing new.
    • Reply
  • C
    Super April 2020
    Cool ·
    • Flag
    No it would not be reasonable to ask her to change her appearance to suit your aesthetic. You obviously know when you asked her that she frequently dyes her hair. Yes, you are a bridezilla for even bringing it up.
    • Reply
  • Janet
    Dedicated October 2018
    Janet ·
    • Flag

    If she can't go back to her regular look after the wedding, then it's an inappropriate request. Dresses take a couple minutes to take off, hair takes a few minutes to de-style. Hair color is a very expensive and long process especially with the color red. Your photos will not be ruined because you will be standing with your best friends.

    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    Savvy September 2022
    Stephanie ·
    • Flag

    I get that you don't want her hair and dress to clash and yes photos are forever, you will see the clash.

    I was a MoH in a wedding where I would have been the only brunette, and the bride asked me to dye my hair blonde. I was happy to do it, and I agreed straight away.

    If you are going to ask her, bring it up politely, Make sure you focus on the clash between dress and hair, not any personal criticism about her hair color or unnatural colors in general. She might be willing to hear you out, since she brought it up.

    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Wow, this is shocking (that a bride actually thought your brunette hair was a problem, and you agreed!).

    To the OP, I agree with everyone else that asking an attendant to dye their hair is an unreasonable request. Stephanie may have been fine with this but that doesn't make this an acceptable thing to ask a friend.

    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    Especially since she’s been coloring her hair for a few years now, I think it’s unreasonable to ask her to specifically change colors for your wedding. I don’t know how long your friend’s hair is but coloring for me costs a minimum of $120 every time (not including tip) so I’d be pretty upset if someone wanted me to spend that so I looked like I blended in more for their wedding.
    • Reply
  • SHY
    Master January 2022
    SHY ·
    • Flag

    Usually I'd say that's it's unreasonable to request them to change their hair color, but since she's the one that brought it up to you, then I think it's worth having a conversation over. Obviously she cares about how she looks in the dress with her new hair color, as well as the 'vision' for your wedding, otherwise she wouldn't have brought it up to you.

    I'd just sit her down and ask how she feels about it. If she still agrees that she thinks it clashes with the dress color, then see if there's a way she can maybe darken it to a darker red so it's not so bright? Try to compromise, and if she doesn't think re-dying it will work, or it will bring too much damage to her hair, then let it be and leave her hair as is. Also, I suggest you offer to pay for it to get done if she does decide to get it done.

    • Reply
  • G
    Dedicated August 2021
    Gianna ·
    • Flag
    I agree that it would be unreasonable to ask her to change her hair color just for the wedding. But, if you’re close friends and she dyes it frequently, I don’t see the harm in bringing it up in wedding conversation like “did you plan on keeping your hair this color for the wedding?” Or some other wording. Just so you can gauge her plans, for all you know she may be thinking of dying it for the wedding anyway
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    You don’t get a say in anyone else’s body, whether that means their hairstyle or color, dictating they can or can’t wear makeup, covering/removing tattoos/piercings. The bride knew they were part of these women when she asked them to be bridesmaids. So it is offensive and disrespectful to say a word about changing anything.
    • Reply
  • R
    Savvy June 2022
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Wow. I'm a blonde, and if a bride asked me to dye my hair brunette (or any other color) for her wedding I'd have laughed in her face. I've heard of bridezillas insisting on a bridesmaid dying her hair, but I think this might be the first time I've heard of a bridesmaid agreeing. This is just unreasonable to me, I'm surprised you did this, and this is a natural hair color too.

    • Reply
  • Grace
    Rockstar February 2022
    Grace ·
    • Flag
    I agree with Gianna. Asking if she already has plans to dye her hair is okay (so long as it is polite and in the context of other wedding planning conversations). Be prepared for her to say no when you ask. She will either touch up her roots with the existing color or choose to dye it another color completely once her roots have grown out long enough it is noticeable. One of the two of those things will likely happen before your wedding since October is a whole 4 months away.



    She has already said something to you about them clashing so I see this as different than a bridezilla demanding her bridesmaid dye her hair.
    • Reply
  • CountryBride
    Super April 2022
    CountryBride ·
    • Flag

    It's unreasonable I have a friend who dyes her hair green blue purple pink however I love her and I could never in a million years ask that she dyes her hair to fit my wedding or her dress

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree I would have laughed in her face to. And if she insisted I'd drop out the wedding. And may even consider my friendship with her.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree usually this makes you a bridezilla but if she brought it up to you. Maybe ask her about it again and see how she feels. Maybe she is just as worried about her hair clashing as you. Maybe she knows she is almost ready for a new color anyways because she has had it for a year now and is thinking about changing it. But if she wants to keep the red then you need to drop it and let her have her red hair.
    • Reply

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