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Harmony
Savvy September 2021

How to address a strange situation

Harmony, on June 10, 2020 at 5:15 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 28

Hello, everyone! I have a bit of a strange thing, and I'm wondering if anyone might have some advice! One of my guests recently separated from her husband (like, I sent the STD to "Mr and Mrs" recent) and now I'm trying to figure out how to address her invitation. I asked FH what he thought and he...

Hello, everyone! I have a bit of a strange thing, and I'm wondering if anyone might have some advice!

One of my guests recently separated from her husband (like, I sent the STD to "Mr and Mrs" recent) and now I'm trying to figure out how to address her invitation. I asked FH what he thought and he said "Just send it to [insert name} and kids." the audacity! LOL.

My thing is, I'm trying to keep the invitations as formal as possible (to match the formality of the wedding). I'm thinking about putting "Ms. ______ and Family" - I just don't want to put Ms. if she's still a Mrs. and I don't want to insult her by using her maiden name...I just don't want to upset her by putting something that may make her feel bad.

Has anyone else had to deal with anything similar to this?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

28 Comments

  • Cassandra
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Cassandra ·
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    Is this someone you’re close enough with that you could ask how she would like to be addressed? Otherwise, I’d play it safe and send it to “The _______ Family”
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  • Renee
    Super June 2020
    Renee ·
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    How about you call and ask? It’s not rude to ask questions for clarity. It’s rude to assume that you know what she’s comfortable with. “Hey_____, how are you? I’m calling because I am addressing my invitations and I didn’t want to insult you with the incorrect name. How would you like to be addressed? Oh great! Thank you!!”
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  • S
    Dedicated October 2020
    Sarah ·
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    I had the same thing happen to me with my aunt and uncle. They are still married, they are separated And my uncle has moved out but my cousin still lives with my aunt so I just addressed her invitation as Ms. Smith and John. I’m sending a separate invitation to my uncles new place for his invite.
    • Reply
  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    I agree with this, but we are planning a smaller wedding with close friends/family and there isn't a single person I wouldn't feel comfortable calling to ask something like this.

    For our wedding, I had three different guy friends who were in on-again off-again relationships and prior to sending out invites I called each of them and asked them if they wanted me to include their SO on the invite - I made it super clear that they were the priority and that I was more than happy for them to bring their girlfriend if that was what they wanted, but I would easily omit their partner's name on the invite if doing so would make their life easier. All of them really appreciated me reaching out and asking them before shooting off an invite in the mail possibly addressed in a way that would have created some drama.

    I do not think your friend would be offended if you reached out to her and asked what made her most comfortable in this situation.

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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
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    Great! Then FH can easily ask his cousin. Problem solved!
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  • Beth
    Dedicated October 2020
    Beth ·
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    As someone who has the been woman you are referencing, I would prefer Ms. or The ____ Family. Do not use the maiden name unless she openly, publicly, changes it. Wedding invitations are hard to receive when the separation is fresh, but that is something she will handle in her own way and every woman and every situation is different. If you feel comfortable in your relationship, ask her!
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  • Holly
    Dedicated October 2020
    Holly ·
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    How about using Mrs. Her First Name and Married Name:
    Mrs. Jane Kennedy


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  • Fmv
    Super October 2020
    Fmv ·
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    A few months ago a friend of mine announced her and her husband of less then a year were getting divorced due to him cheating.
    I talked to her and just asked hey when i send out invites what would you like me to addres your invite as?
    She preferred her maiden name.I would just ask the guest what they prefer
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