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Savvy September 2021

How to address a strange situation

Harmony, on June 10, 2020 at 5:15 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 28

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Hello, everyone! I have a bit of a strange thing, and I'm wondering if anyone might have some advice!

One of my guests recently separated from her husband (like, I sent the STD to "Mr and Mrs" recent) and now I'm trying to figure out how to address her invitation. I asked FH what he thought and he said "Just send it to [insert name} and kids." the audacity! LOL.

My thing is, I'm trying to keep the invitations as formal as possible (to match the formality of the wedding). I'm thinking about putting "Ms. ______ and Family" - I just don't want to put Ms. if she's still a Mrs. and I don't want to insult her by using her maiden name...I just don't want to upset her by putting something that may make her feel bad.

Has anyone else had to deal with anything similar to this?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

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28 Comments

Latest activity by Fmv, on June 11, 2020 at 1:52 PM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on June 10, 2020 at 5:23 PM
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I have not had to deal with that but i think i would just play it safe and just do their full name without the ms or mrs too aha
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Expert January 2021
Katie · on June 10, 2020 at 5:27 PM
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Can you write “The __ Family”? I think it implies he isn’t invited since he doesn’t live there and is still formal.
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Master October 2022
Jana · on June 10, 2020 at 5:42 PM
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This sounds like the best option given the situation
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Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on June 10, 2020 at 5:49 PM
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Since she’s a guest, that means she’s someone you’re close enough with to invite to your wedding, right? So I would just ask if she’s using her maiden name or married name. Let her know that you’re about to mail invitations and you want to make sure you address it correctly.

When I got divorced, my friends simply asked so that they knew which name to use for me. I wasn’t offended at all because how else would they know? When it comes to separation and divorce, outsiders are uncomfortable and tiptoe around it. But the person going through it is fine and would rather you not make it unnecessarily awkward. I find that the easiest path to an answer is through asking.
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Master August 2021
Jasmine · on June 10, 2020 at 6:04 PM
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Whether or not she's still legally married, you can address the invitation however you'd like. I would just ask her straight out which name she would prefer.
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Super June 2021
Elizabeth · on June 10, 2020 at 6:43 PM
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How close are you to this person? It seems like something I would just ask them / someone close to them, since divorces can make emotions run high and everyone views them a bit differently.
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Savvy September 2021
Harmony · on June 10, 2020 at 7:10 PM
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She's one of my FH's cousins, so I've met her a few times but I'm not very close to her.
Thank you all for your thoughts!! I really appreciate it!
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Super September 2026
Laura · on June 10, 2020 at 7:35 PM
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Ms. HerFirstName HisLastName

If the divorce isn't final then it's doubtful that she changed her name already. I've been divorced. Hope this helps.
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Super September 2026
Laura · on June 10, 2020 at 7:37 PM
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Also addressing it this way, the separated spouse isn't automatically included. That might male her feel better about attending. Weddings in the middle of divorce are challenging emotionally. Attending with a separated spouse would be hell.
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Super September 2026
Laura · on June 10, 2020 at 7:38 PM
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*make... Sorry for the typo.
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June 2021
Dj Tanner · on June 10, 2020 at 8:54 PM
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I agree. I think if I were going through something like your friend was going through,I would hope that the invitation would be something along those lines the ______ family.
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Super February 2021
Kerin · on June 10, 2020 at 9:04 PM
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It's actually quite gracious that you're thinking about it at all. I would word it to the "last name" family, though. 😉
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Super September 2026
Laura · on June 10, 2020 at 10:25 PM
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Having been through a divorce an invite to "X Family" would remind me of what I lost. It would also infer that we were still together. Please tread carefully.
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Beginner July 2020
Alyssa · on June 10, 2020 at 11:15 PM
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I just asked my guest going through the same situation. If you're close enough she'll understand.
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Devoted April 2021
Kelly · on June 11, 2020 at 1:03 AM
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I agree with anna, just address it to the _family. I did that with some of my std cards as wel
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Super October 2020
Leslie · on June 11, 2020 at 1:07 AM
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The formal way is Mrs. Mary Smith, kid1 Smith, kid 2 smith and so on since you want it as formal as possible.
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Beginner September 2021
Emmagayle · on June 11, 2020 at 1:50 AM
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I would just put “The ____ Family”, it’s still formal without being so direct.
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Super September 2026
Laura · on June 11, 2020 at 7:37 AM
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I agree with this way. And I've been divorced, but everyone keeps suggesting family - and that's a huge ouch as a divorcee. Plus it infers to come as a family; it's outright hurtful.
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Super September 2019
Courtney · on June 11, 2020 at 8:13 AM
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Not sure on the etiquette / formality but I would put Ms. Firstname Lastname, Kid Name1, Kid Name2. You can ask her personally which last name she’ll be using as some people don’t change their name during a divorce - especially if they share it with their kids. When people have been unsure of what name I use (took a while to use my married name and still don’t at work) for seating charts and invites they have just asked me!
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VIP August 2020
Katie · on June 11, 2020 at 8:32 AM
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I agree with you Kerin, it is so thoughtful of Harmony to be so considerate of this guest and clearly want every guest to feel good starting with the invitation! If future MIL is close, perhaps she can make the call to ask the guest’s preference?
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