How should the stepchild call you ?

When I talk to people about or introduce my stepdad I call him my dad but I call him by his first name. He has been in my life since I was very young and has been a father to me.

My daughter is 6 and calls FH by his name. When we first got together she called him by a nickname because his name was too hard for her to say. She calls her stepmother by a nickname they created for her. Unless the child decides to call a stepparent mom or dad, I don’t think it’s ok to even consider that as an option.

My FH has 4 kids. They're all adults, youngest is 18 and oldest is 32. I tease the ones i'm close to that they have to call me mommy LOL I don't plan to ask them to call me anything but Laura unless they want to. His two oldest sons have a different mom that the other two kids, and sadly she was a drug addict and no one knows where she is or if she's even alive. They've really latched onto me, one is even giving me away. If they ever wanted to call me mom i'd be great with that.

I think that's different for every family. My parents divorced when I was very young. Dad remarried first but I always called her by her name. When my bio mom remarried she had me call her husband dad, I now refer to him by his name. I am closer to my step-mom now, but at 42 I'm not going to start calling her mom. On the other hand when my brother married his wife she had two kids that became his kids in all our eyes. They didn't want to run into that which dad did you mean thing so he went searching in the international dictionary and chose the word dad in another language. Something easy for the kids (now adults) to say and they call him that to this day despite the marriage ending. If he knows you by your nickname and you're ok with that, do you want to change it? If so, maybe finding a different word for mom might work for you.

This needs to be child-led. If they have “mommy” or “Daddy” forced on them for someone who is clearly not their mom or dad, all kinds of nasty feelings and resentments can build up over the years. Best practice, in general, is to have them call you by your name. If THEY change your name to mom or dad, or Momma (first name) or whatever, go with it. If not, as long as they aren’t rude, just your name is perfectly acceptable and preferable.

My kids call FH by his name and his daughter calls me by my name. I don’t foresee this changing mostly due to the children’s ages.

They call me miss first name. When I met them they were 5 and 8. It didnt seem appropriate to have them call me by my first name. Now they are 14 and 17. They still call me miss first name. I thought abt having them call me by my first name but this is what's comfortable for them. Maybe when they get of age they can start calling me by my first name if they want to.

I call my stepmom by her name. I feel like it's the child's choice to decide what they want to call you if it's something other than your name

I call my stepmom and stepdad by their names

I call my stepdad by his first name, and my husband does the same for his stepmom. I wouldn't pick a name, I'd just choose whatever is natural.

I called my step dad a more formal name I called my sort of step mom by her first name. I wouldn't suggest a kid calling you Mommy and if his mother is in his life and active in his life you definitely need to ask her before mom or mommy is used because it could create all kinds of trouble.

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I agree 100%.

I think the kid needs to decide. Being so small they might even reach a point where they want to give you one. I had a kid I babysat ask me for suggestions for her step mother because she finally felt like it was time. It was a very exciting moment. Some kids want to give their step parents a new name some don't, letting them choose shows respect and builds trust.

Yeah, in this situation it's best for the child to decide and this situation depends on their age and their feelings about you. Whatever they are comfortable with, you'll have to accept!!

I agree with what everyone has said. And would like to add one thing. While I hope that my kids love their step mom and make sure they also give her stuff on mother's day, I think my heart would hurt a bit if I heard them calling her mom, just like me. And I think my FH's ex wife would feel the same if my step son started calling me mom.

View Quoted Comment Forgot to mention, he Tells people he got 3 moms which is me, his grandmother and his real mom. Even though his real mom left him at 2 weeks old.. and popped back up in his life when she knew I came into my FH life. She doesn't really know her kid well cause she never been there and still really isn't. So I understand that the poor baby is confused.. But I agree definitely let him decide to call me however he wants to I didn’t mind my nickname.

It should be the kids choice of what to call you. My niece called her stepfather by his first name for a few years. Then one day she chose to call him “daddy number 2”, and now she calls. Him daddy. She also calls her biological father daddy. You can’t force them to call you mommy or daddy though, they can become resentful and think you’re trying to replace their other parent.

So, I don’t use the term “step” my fiancé has two children from a previous relation ship- I have 3. There’s no “his” or “mine” they’re ours. So, my oldest bonus son calls me by my name, my youngest bonus daughter calls me momma. It’s all in whatever they’re comfortable calling you, really.

My son calls my FH dad. My FH considers my son his. We have a 1 yr old daughter together and when asked how many kids he has, he always says 2.

I like Bonus child!

I will soon have two boys (bonus children) and I have one daughter. Both of them call me by my name which I don't mind, however, I would love for them to call me and even consider me a bonus mom. I don't think the youngest (2 year old) will have a problem switching, but the oldest is adamant that I am not his mom which I totally get. I don't think he understands what is really happening to be honest. My daughter, who will be 4 calls my fiance either the nickname she made up for him or daddy (which usually only happens with the boys are over).

My fiance and I haven't really had a discussion about it but I think it should be whatever is comfortable for the child. I call my step parents by Mom and Dad.