How should I handle this 'potential' uninviting a coworker situation....

I think it would be more drama than it's worth to uninvite her. Just send it and hope she doesn't attend. Did you say anything to her about the racist and homophobic remarks?

My boss is one of the biggest homophobes I've ever met, closely followed by one of my employees. When the two of them go at it, they can get pretty bad. I let my boss know how much, as a straight ally, their comments and remarks upset and angered me. He had no idea it affected me as much as it did; he was immediately contrite and promised to lay off the homophobia around me. So far he's stuck to his word and I know if he ever slips, I'll just need to give him a gentle reminder. I definitely recommend talking to your co-worker about how her remarks affected you. Otherwise the professional relationship could grow toxic and that won't be good for anyone in your group.

No I haven't said anything to her regarding her remarks. She isn't the most approachable person when you have issues with her. I think you are right though, uninviting her might be more drama than it is worth. I hope if she does try to come that her car breaks down on the way there lol.

Invite her and hope she doesn't come.

Another lesson in "why you don't send co-workers STDs"

ETA: grammar

I don't think uninviting is in order unless someone is actually violent or some other extreme situation. If she's going to make rude comments, that's on her, not you. Most likely she wouldn't be having any long conversations with someone she disagrees with so much anyway.

Lurkers! THIS is why you don't send STDs to coworkers - only your VIPs, people you are absolutely, 110% inviting!

I'd probably invite her and hope she doesn't come.

Not that it helps, but your story is another example why giving STDs to coworkers is a bad idea.

Here's my other question. Did you not know she was like this when you put her on the guest list? I get inviting close coworkers, but I feel like you would know if someone important enough to invite to your wedding was a homophobe or racist, no?

You can't uninvite her now. You made the poor decision-- deal with it. It's fair to mention it to her, though, and let her know that you have gay relatives. Maybe she won't attend.

Telling me I made a mistake regarding sending invites to coworkers doesn't quite help me out. Hopefully your comments will help some lurker in the future.

Yes I made a mistake and I knew it as soon as I joined WW.

Yes I was actually decent friends with this coworker and hung out with her outside of work. We even went to her cabin over New Years for the past two years, her recent behavior never came out then. It doesn't usually come up in topics of conversation "Hey are you a bigot?". Her recent comments have stemmed from asshat Trump's comments about Muslims, but her fear seems to have spread to other groups as well.

Sorry if I sound pissy, but I am. Not at you guys, but at bigot pieces of shit that have made me feel bad about the colour of my skin my whole life. I have been physically attacked by people because of the colour of my skin, I was beaten and stabbed by someone on my way home from work one day because a group of guys went out on a spree the day after the Boston Bombings and attacked everyone in my area that they could find that had darker skin. The racism thing is a very touchy subject for me because of my history, people who have that kind of mentality literally scare me.

But I agree, uninviting someone is not the right way to deal with it. I will just hope she doesn't come and if she RSVP's a yes, I will tell her that I have people of various ethnicity and sexual orientations attending.

It's not worth the drama to uninvite. I'd just hope she wouldn't come. Remember, if she is a bigot it is her problem and reflects poorly on her, not on you.

That said, I understand how you feel. I have racist and homophobic family members who we need to invite (well, FH does). If I hear a peep out of them expressing disgust about someone close to me I will want to cut a bitch. In my wedding dress. I'll try to follow my own advice...

ETA We were posting at the same time. I just want to say that I am very sorry you have had such personal and deeply affecting experiences with racism. I would not poke the bear by explicitly saying "You know, I have people of various backgrounds attending." Maybe more subtlely in your regular work interactions you can let your more tolerant views be known. If she really disagrees with you she probably won't attend your wedding.

The devilish side of me would I'd invite her and then sit her with "gay family members as well as people of different backgrounds attending our wedding." I'll bet she wouldn't open her mouth , the entire evening.

What a sad and awkward situation. I agree with others that you can't really un-invite her. However, I also agree that perhaps you can find a way to talk with her and express your views.

Good luck!

I would work into different conversations with her the fact that gay people will be invited, people of different races will be invited, people of different religions will be invited. I'll bet when she gets the invitation that you (unfortunately) have to send her that she'll RSVP "regretfully declines."

Our wedding had such a huge variety of people and we loved all of them!

Why can't you just talk to her and ask her to please keep her comments to herself at your wedding? Even if she isn't very approachable.

I have a relative coming to my wedding that I'm extremely concerned about him drinking too much and mouthing off to my friends. It's happened before and let's just say it turned into a violent situation that I don't wish to relive. I will be having a conversation with this person and basically making a deal with him that he is not to drink at my wedding and if I see him drinking I will have him escorted off the property. Not exactly a comfortable conversation but unfortunately it has to happen.

Not exactly the same situation, however sometimes it's best just to man up and make your opinions about people's behavior known in order to protect the emotionally investment you have in your wedding.

I hate STD's...

No Haley, she really can't. No more than you can have that conversation with your relative.

Go ahead and invite her and be the better person. And then report her to HR for her bullshit.

A STD is not an invitation. It's your wedding, you should have the people there that you want to!

I would try talking to her first and just letting her know that you're uncomfortable with what she said.

In the situation, I feel like you could conveniently "forget" to send her an actual invite. This isn't "now I need to cut my guest list" or "she stole my stapler" type excuses.

It's because this person is racist, homophobic and probably many other things. Personally, I wouldn't care what etiquette says, she isn't going to be a constructive or reasonable person and to invite her and potentially have to deal with her being insufferable just because Emily Post says so seems unfair.

Also, if you do go this route you have to stop talking about your wedding at work. Any coworkers still invited, send invites to their home. Don't discuss your wedding. If you ask for time off, privately speak to or email your boss. If you bring it up, she's going to ask about invites and it's very rude to speak about it in front of someone who is uninvited, no matter their personality.

Justice was served! A group of people at work overheard her awful comments and went to HR. I came into work this morning and she is packing up her desk! As she left she said "Don't worry about sending me an invitation to your wedding now because I didn't really want to go anyways." Problem solved. Anyone else reading this in the future, DO NOT SEND COWORKERS STD's! In fact, I'm with Celia, don't bother with STD's at all!

Wow FutureMrsBrbr, what a way to have that problem solved!

That is an amazing update! Karma is, in fact, a bitch. I hope she learns her lesson and tries to be more tolerant and open minded in the future.