How Much Is Too Much To Spend On a Bridal Shower Gift For Your MOH?

Hold on so she's having a ceremony after all? Or she eloped? Either way I think that's plenty. When my MOH got married last year I gave her a $60 gift card for Bed Bath & Beyond....

I'm MOH for my friend that doesn't live near me. I'm flying in for her shower & her wedding is going to be destination, so it's pretty expensive. I'm planning on spending $100 for her shower and $200 for the wedding gift.

No more than $100.

So she's married already but now having a fake wedding after the fact and is expecting people to buy gifts from her registry? yikes. i don't know if i'd even participate, let alone give a gift.

Pretty much. They got married hush hush, then told everyone. She says, "That was my wedding, but it wasn't. I still want my dad to walk me down the aisle and have a reception."

She bought a dress, got a venue, the whole 9 yards.

I'm excited for her because she is my bf, but at the same time, I'm really hurt that she is not having any BMs, and she didn't even tell me that they were planning on getting married until after the fact. I don't want to be all petty, because at the end of the day, she is always there for me.

@STB, she eloped. They planned their "wedding" on their year anniversary.

Is she going to have two anniversaries too? I thought the rule of etiquette was you have two months to throw a celebration, reception, whatever, after that you are done. The magic is over, you're not newlyweds anymore.

I am sorry but this bridezilla act really ticks me off.

@Bay, she's not being a Bridezilla at all, they just wanted to save money by getting married earlier than expected. They were supposed to be getting married in October to begin with. She's not being mean or disrespectful in any way to anyone, she just wanted to have a normal wedding, one year after eloping I guess. They are going on a honeymoon after their reception in November too. They count their anniversary as 11/9/12 the day they eloped. She never had a bridal shower, bachelorette party or anything like that because on a whim, they decided to go to the courthouse. I'm just lost because I was so hurt by the fact that she decided to not include any of her girlfriends in any of her wedding festivities. I.E. No BMs, no bachelorette party, she didn't want help planning the bridal shower... and one year later, I am still upset that I found out about her wedding when she called me later that night and told me, "We're celebrating, we just got married!"

Plus, it doesn't help the situation that I absolutely LOATHE her husband. It's her life, and as long as she's happy, that's all that matters. I just don't want to seem like I'm being a bitch by not purchasing her a gift or something.

My rule of thumb is to give what genuinely comes from your heart.

I am with Diane - give what you want - if she is really your friend then the monetary value shouldn't matter.

Also, just a thought - wouldn't their new wedding be more like a vow renewal?

@BayBride - do you know where you can find the etiquette for situations like this? Like a website or something? My FH and I are doing a "celebration" dinner/dancing thing with our friends in AZ that can't make it back to RI for the wedding. I want to make sure we are following etiquette as much as possible.

Thanks!

@Future: Yeah, I guess you're right. It pretty much is a vow renewal.

Ok thats crazy. i would only spend $100 if thats what you wanna do.

I think you should spend what is comfortable for you. when I graduated college and money was tight, my very close friends got $30 wedding gifts. Now they get $50-$100 gifts. It's not about a numbers, it's about what you're comfortable with. Even my $30 gifts were a hit. Don't base it on a number, base it on what you think is nice and would like to give them.

@Future: I read it in a Knot article. I could not find any specific forum containing rules of a vow renewal because it seems to vary depending on the bride. But the celebration sounds fine!

@Viva: I understand you are hurt. I was in a VERY similar situation. To answer your gift question, we gave $100 cash.