How much is appropriate to expect guests to spend on a destination wedding?

@nay - I wish my FH's friends would be more like your FH! That's where the real problem lies. FH is worried his friends he grew up with won't be able to make it, not because they can't afford it but because they prefer to let 100 bucks a week go up in smoke, if you catch my drift.

If FH's mom or dad or grandparents can't afford it, we will pay for their trips and be happy that our new jobs afford us the ability to do that for them. But I don't like the idea of downsizing my wedding and my vacation so that dudes can get high.

@Lori - I think what you said about people potentially not being willing to come regardless of the amount is a very good point. It would be a shame to downsize rather than go for what we truly want, only to find out the people we did it for aren't going to come anyway. And I won't be upset with anyone who can't do it. I might be sad they aren't there, but I certainly won't be angry.

Depends on the location. If it was a European destination wedding, then I'd say 2-3k. And I would save up for that because I love Europe. If it was in the US, then $500 (which is what I spent when I was a MOH for a wedding). If it was in Mexico or the Carribbean, then I wouldn't go. I absolutely love to travel, but if I'm spending money to travel, I want to go somewhere that I can get a good bang for my buck. I'd rather tour museums and historical sites than hang on a beach.

ETA: I'm a teacher, and $1200 is almost an entire paycheck. So if I was to go, I'd need time to save up.

Wait, back up...you expect your guests to spend close to 2K and pay for ALL of their food?? Meaning, you're not even going to feed them on wedding night? umm... rude...

Personally, I dislike destination weddings for the reason that, the couple wants to "save" on their wedding but expects their guests to spend big money for THEIR wedding.

Honestly, as of right now I already have all my vacation plans made for the summer and my paid days off work picked. Finding out right now that I'm expected to take extra days off for your wedding AND come up with 2k for DH and I to go to a wedding...couldn't do it

As much as you say it's plenty of time to save the money for normal people, some people have a lot going on that they already need that money for.

I know this isn't directly related to your DW, but please don't forget about the expense and time of getting a passport for your guests, since you chose Mexico as your location, with your wedding in 9 months. I am not making this as a generalization of Wisconsin residents at all so don't take it like that but I have a lot of family in WI and no one, literally, has their passport.

ETA spelling. Damn iPad.

I don't really think destination weddings are fair to anyone. 10 months is not enough time to get time off of work or for guests to save.

@EricaTX - Your post was really interesting to me because it shows a different perspective. I love to go to Mexico because of the great value I feel I get in it, but you couldn't pay me to go to Europe! :-P

@Julie - I think you're confused. Or you were talking to another commenter. It's going to cost our guests $1000 each, and it's an all-inclusive resort, so they get as much food and drink as they desire. There will also be a cocktail and hour d'ouvre reception immediately after the ceremony and special dinner later on in the evening.

@Jacquelyn - i never would have thought of that. The longest I've ever had to give notice for time off at any job i had was 2 weeks. I suppose that everyone just assumes that other people's lives work the way their own life works, and.... yeah, I didn't think about how it might be different for other people.

Alternately, though, I reeeeeealllly don't want to spend $30,000 on a wedding here in Chicago, which is what we priced it out to.

In general: what I've learned here is that my parents spoiled me when it comes to travel. They often spent $8,000 for a week of vacation for the four of us, so when I grew up and found I could go on a trip for $1,000, that seemed really cheap. Not everyone has that perspective.

I think that we're just going to end up paying for some of FH's family members, putting on the invites that we don't want gifts because people's attendance is gift enough, and possibly subsidizing a few friends.

@Rena you can't judge how others prioritize their time and money. If I could only take one vaca (due to time off of work or finances) I would choose going on a family trip over a wedding every time.

@OP glad you were able to find a compromise. For those that it's still out of budget for, do they have the option to go for less days at a reduced rate? I went to a DW in Mexico (so many years ago) and I was only there for 4 days. basically a long weekend.

I was invited to a destination wedding for last year. It would have cost about $5000 for FH and I to both attend. Besides saving up for our own wedding, I wasn't willing to throw down $5000 for a lady I babysit for. I babysat her son once in a while for their date nights. I started in college and did it for about 5 years. Only the people really close to you will attend.

Purple Kitten, My FH has to sign his vacation in January for the whole year, except for the odd day here and there. I'm a little bit more flexible, but I work shift work and scheduled overtime shifts, I can't take time off if anyone else has requested it, and nobody is allowed to take time off between October 1st and November 15th. I missed out on two DW last year (more like weekend getaways) because I wasn't given enough time to trade my overtime shifts and it was very upsetting. One was 6 months notice too, but they did pick a holiday weekend..... don't pick a holiday weekend.

I don't think you should sacrifice your dream by any means. However, that also means some of your nearest and dearest may not be able to attend, and you have to be okay with that. My fiance and I are skipping a DW of one of my friends because when we priced it a few months ago, it was going to cost close to $2,000 just for the hotel - for three nights. (It costs even more now.) We just can't swing it with the wedding, and even if we weren't having a wedding, we couldn't justify that price. It's a drop in the bucket for them, but for about half of their crowd, it wasn't doable. Keeping the budget of your closest friends in mind is also a good idea.

I think you should go where you will be happy. I know you want people there, but you don't want your wedding to be held at a 1 star resort with moldy showers. The people who can afford to come will come and you can have a low key party to celebrate back home with everyone who could not attend. Good luck!

@Elyse - Yes, people can elect to stay for less time. The contract says that as long as 80% of our guests stay at the resort for at least 3 nights, we're set.

@Jacquelyn: That sounds extremely frustrating. I feel really blessed now to not have that type of restrictions in my career.

FH and I went to a DW in Honduras a couple years ago...cost us $3-4K for the week, but included airfare, room, drinks, food (not an all inclusive resort). And we had a blast while we were there.

On the other hand, we were invited to a DW in Key West in March (its FH's cousin and his Goddaughter)...but we just can't make it work right now with the wedding coming up. That would have cost about about $3K (depending how long we stayed). It would have been doable if we weren't getting married in 5 months

@purplekitten. What resort did you end up selecting? How was it? I'm currently in the same boat you were about a year ago and came across this post in my Google search. Thank you!