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Devoted September 2012

How much do you gift during a social distance wedding?

The Sealpups, on July 26, 2020 at 1:15 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 30
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We’ll be going to a wedding today and not sure how much to give. With family, we give $100-250 (depending on who). This wedding is for my husband’s friend from college. Here’s a weird history in the past year: we invited them to our wedding last year. I invited her to my bridal shower. She’s great and I’ve always liked her. A few days before our wedding (less than a week), they canceled bc they had a last minute trip her fiancé surprised her. I get it and our wedding wasn’t the most important thing but still kind of annoying. We later got an invitation from them to go to their destination wedding in another state a month before in March (their wedding was in April) but then covid rules really took off, so it was postponed. The last minute invite to an out of state wedding was super sketch and was done out of not wanting to be the bad guy, obviously. So now we get the new details of the wedding last month and it’s in our city. We’ll be going to a religious ceremony and then fast food after for the reception.


With all that said, is $50 too cheap to give? Or would $75 more decent? Thoughts please!

30 Comments

Latest activity by Brittany, on August 1, 2020 at 8:52 PM
  • A
    Super February 2020
    Andrea ·
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    During COVID, I hate to sound cheap but I don’t have a job right now so I’d be gifting $50. You’re already going out of your way to see them, it sounds like a good amount. Get a nicer card too!
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    If $50 is what you want to spend, I think that's fine. If they have a registry, I'd probably try to purchase something off of it (depending on the retailer, sometimes I can get something on sale and possibly with coupons that seems like a great gift for a smaller amount of money). If not, I might do a $50 gift card to a restaurant they like rather than give cash/check. (Daughter and SIL didn't receive cash gifts from any of their peer-group friends, but only received cash/checks from older family and friends.) The fast food reception sounds unique.... In So Cal, I've occasionally heard of people having the In&Out truck for "catering" but I've never experienced it. We've had friends use El Pollo Loco for home birthday party catering. I would assume it will be a very casual wedding? Regardless of the circumstances, the gift is always the guest's choice.

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I don’t think $50 is too cheap either
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  • K
    Devoted August 2020
    Kate ·
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    I’m the odd one out here, but I think $50 isn’t enough. Typically you at least try and cover what it cost them to have you there. I’d say $100 for two people to is the very minimum when attending a wedding. I think it completely sucks that they canceled on your wedding, and they should have given you a gift anyway considering it was such late notice. This might be more typical where I’m from and what I’m used to, but here people give at least $50 per person attending.
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  • Belle
    VIP August 1997
    Belle ·
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    I tend to give at least $100 per person, because wedding is expensive. I just think it’s good if the bride and groom could at least get money gift as much as they spent for their guests.
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  • T
    Devoted September 2012
    The Sealpups ·
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    Just a heads up- I forgot to add this in the post but they said their registry was listed on zola and we couldn’t find them. We googled and searched everywhere and their registry was nowhere to be found, hence the money gift
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  • T
    Devoted September 2012
    The Sealpups ·
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    Totally! Not judging their choices at all. I think it’s cool they’re still able to have their reception under these circumstances and it’s a local franchise fast food place, so it’s not like it’s McDonald’s or anything like that
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    $50 sounds fine to me.

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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I honestly think either will be fine!
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  • J
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
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    You gift whatever you can afford that you feel is appropriate based on how close you are to the couple.. There is no chart anywhere with amount minimums, nor should there be. Not everyone has jobs right now with Covid so they can't afford an extra $50 or $100. If all you can afford on top of travel is the $10 coffee grinder from their registry or a $15 mixing bowl set, that's perfectly acceptable and no one will judge you for it.
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Normally I would totally agree with this but if their reception is fast food then the couple is definitely not spending $50 to have them there right?
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  • J
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
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    Why should the couple's budget have any bearing on what a guest chooses or is able to spend? They are completely unrelated and no etiquette books say they are related, even if some social circles have their own rules. Spend what you can afford or just give a card with no gift. A gift is 100% optional out of the kindness of your heart, not a tit for tat type thing.
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  • J
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
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    Proper etiquette says registry information is given by word of mouth, which also includes avoiding the inconvenience of a guest not being able to locate it online due to faulty technology. Ask the couple or their parents like it used to be done.
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  • K
    Devoted August 2020
    Kate ·
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    I think it depends on the “fast food.” The poster did share that it wasn’t like a McDonalds type place. I also think there are other factors that go into the cost of having someone there, other than the food. My opinion is that $50 for two guests is too low. Obviously she will decide what is best and most comfortable for her, but I would give a little more.
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  • K
    Devoted August 2020
    Kate ·
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    I respectfully disagree. She did ask for opinions here, and it’s okay for people to disagree. In an ideal world, people wouldn’t be judged for this, but in the real world, unfortunately people are. I’ve heard it firsthand many times. There is definitely etiquette that goes along with gift giving where I live, and it is talked about openly, a lot. I’m sure it isn’t like that everywhere, but for many of us it is just the reality that comes along with weddings.
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    That makes sense. Sorry I wasn’t trying to argue or anything haha I was just wondering about your thought process
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  • Megan
    Expert November 2022
    Megan ·
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    I feel like being there and giving whatever you can afford is enough.
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  • A
    Super October 2021
    Ashley ·
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    I never give less than $100, but the most I give is $200. As others have said, give what you can afford and feel comfortable giving.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    What the couple spends to entertain their guests has nothing to do with gift amounts. Proper etiquette is that a friend or family give a gift within their budget, according to how close they feel to the couple. And the couple or hosts choice to spend $5 or $300 per person has nothing to do with it. You need NOT cover your plate. That is a false thing, a myth that has circulated for years, but has never been proper etiquette.
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  • VIP August 2020
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    In most cases, I think you should give whatever you would've given pre-covid. This isn't their fault. Now, this person sounds like she was a pretty terrible friend pre-covid, and I think it's okay to factor that in. So, if $50 is what you would've been inclined to give this person in April, it's an appropriate amount to give her now.
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