How long until...?

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I agree with this (which is why I think a previous poster was picking up on some misogyny). I also believe that each partner should communicate their wants/goals/desires as early in the relationship as makes sense.

So, for Sally, that would be disclosing that she wants a relationship that leads to marriage instead of just dating or just fooling around. If she did that and found a man who had the same goals, it wouldn't matter *when* in the relationship they first had sex. If her date never wants to see her again after she declares she is looking to get married, then he wasn't the right one for her anyway, and waiting 90 days to have sex wouldn't make the slightest difference.

Okay. So. I'm not going to give advice so much as share my story and see if that is a helpful example. So for me, I had casual relationships throughout college and my early 20s and I got hurt more often than not. What I realized about MYSELF SPECIFICALLY (ZERO GENERALIZATIONS) was that I became emotionally attached to partners after intercourse (hate that word but gets the point across). I would become anxious that I felt too strongly and would become clingy. When I realized that I became very open with someone I was dating that I did not have sex before being in a committed and exclusive relationship. This helped me focus on my own feelings more. Now, this wasn't a magic formula because I am already divorced once and got married again (to someone else) in February. I will say though that seeing whether or not you gel beforehand could be the right move for your friend. It might not be. One thing to take note of though is that no matter how long one waits before sex, a neurotransmitter called "oxytocin" is released during sex (along with the feel good neurotransmitter dopamine). Oxytocin is known in the psychological/medical community as a "love drug." It is released during breastfeeding to allow attachment and protective feelings to form between a mother and her newborn. It rewards your brain for doing something that ensures care of the infant and survival. It is also released (to a lesser extent) during orgasm (survival of the species again). Once it's released its usually most affective for 3-12 months called the "honeymoon period" in a relationship. Historically, we know it's related to a honeymoon, but it's any time after intimate attachment. Many psychotherapist will warn their patients in New relationships to wait until the "honeymoon period" is over before making any major life changes such as moving in together or getting engaged or starting a family, etc. Fwiw

Just one more thing. In conclusion, it could be good for her to wait, although because of what I mentioned that happens neurobioligically, you'd just be adding +90 days to whatever the start of their "honeymoon phase" would begin or end (or whatever amount of time). If she were my friend, I'd tell her to try to establish a good rapport and friendship with someone who she knows aligns with her long-term goals. Regardless of when someone decides to have sex, I think those things (friendship and goal alignment) are the building blocks for a great marriage. Good sex is also fun though 👍


Okay I'm jumping off this soapbox now.

What even is this post 😂😂 a real man will not leave after being intimate if he really wants to be with you. She should probably pick better men to date

View Quoted Comment Hey girl, any time I can talk about neurotransmitters, I'm going to do it 🤣

View Quoted Comment Oh I was actually replying to OP haha 😂