How long until...?

I don’t think there is some magic number. And “making a guy wait“ to be intimate doesn’t mean he’s serious about a committed relationship or marriage- in today’s society casual hook ups are common and easy to come by, and there’s nothing to say that while he is “waiting” on one girl, he isn’t hooking up with another on the side.

View Quoted Comment Yes, you bring up a good point. But if the two agreed they would be exclusive and the main woman finds out that he was fooling around with side chicks; wouldn't it hurt less if the main woman never went further than a kiss with the guy? I know for me, it does.

I'm waiting for marriage and it always helped me separate serious dating prospects from guys who just wanted casual fun. Even guys who were used to sex and didn't want to wait would continue to date me if they saw a future, while other guys wouldn't call me back. Also, once the relationship was stalled, it seemed easier to end the relationship, and I was never strung along. Helped me find the guy I'm with now. Old fashioned, but I have to say, I'm really happy with how it's worked out.

View Quoted Comment Yes!!! I 100 percent agree with you. Waiting until marriage does some serious filtering of the men.

View Quoted Comment Oh, I’m not saying it’s a bad idea to wait! I’m just saying that I don’t think waiting should be what you base your decision on whether a guy is serious about being in a committed relationship or getting married. I’ve known people who became intimate on the first date and have been happily married for years. I’ve also known women who have taken it slow and done everything “right”, only to find out the man they were with had been hooking up with multiple people on the side.

I think it's a little tacky to put all of this on a guy. Plenty of women just want to have "fun times". It's not like it's all on the guy to control themselves. Both my FH and I did it with other people (both casual and in relationships we thought would be serious). But, that didn't make our first time together less special and it certainly wasn't what made me decide he was a good guy.

View Quoted Comment No ma'am, I'm not putting it all on the "guy."
I was speaking specifically about what I suspect my female friend should do. And my friend doesn't want to have just "fun times." She voices desires for a husband often.

View Quoted Comment But this comment insinuates that the only way she’s going to find a husband is to withhold sex for an extended amount of time. I would say the majority of marriages did not come about in this way. If she wants a husband, she should continue dating until she clicks with somebody on a deeper level. And, to be honest, I think when women are “Searching for a husband“ they often times come off as desperate. She should probably just relax and not focus so much on trying to nab a husband, and instead just enjoyed getting to know people, and let it happen organically.

View Quoted Comment Well your last paragraph seems to say that it's on the woman to wait to be intimate to make sure the guy is serious. Waiting to do "it" does not equal commitment.


Just because she desires a husband, doesn't mean she doesn't want to have fun. 3 months is a long time to not do it.
This isn't about you asking for your friend. It seems like you wanting to find ways to convince your friend that she's wrong. Your old fashioned standards for women do not apply to everyone. I think it's great the you and another postedle wanted to wait but, not everyone does. Every women should be allowed to chose when they want to do it without it seemly like they are no longer going towards "finding a husband".

View Quoted Comment This! All of this! ☝️🎉

Definitely not a fan of the mildly misogynistic undertones of this post, but that aside, fun times and finding a husband are not mutually exclusive. while yes, waiting to have sex has the potential to filter out some of the more casual guys, it doesn’t mean they’re going to be a forever type of person. unfortunately for your friend, the best way to find her husband is to just keep doing her thing and let it happen organically. i think the best thing for both of y’all would be to stay open minded.

I really don't think there is a magic number. As long as the two people are consenting adults, I don't think how long you wait matters. My husband and I had sex pretty soon after we started seeing each other. Sex and intimacy can actually play a large role in both parties building a strong connection with each other. Just as there is no issue with waiting until marriage, there is nothing wrong with having sex sooner. Finding someone who you connect with in a way that makes marriage a possibility is not determined by how quickly or slowly you jump into bed. Sure, you can weed out some people who are in no way interested in a serious relationship, but you can typically determine that in other ways as well, such as in conversation. I feel like there are plenty of other markers of someone who is just interested in casual sex instead of a monogamous relationship, and waiting 90 days or however long isn't going to magically separate the wheat from the chafe.

View Quoted Comment I have no intentions on showing my fruend this thread. And you're right, it is every womans choice ro do what they want. I suggested that sge wait a certain period of time bc nothing else she's done has worked, according to her and what I've observed. The purpose of this post was to get others' perspective on this and I got it. Thanks for chiming in.

View Quoted Comment Okay thank you. I didn't realize that suggessting to her to wait 90 days was so negative.

Sounds to me like the girl “sally” is shallow and so are the men she chases.. if she truly wants a husband then she should write down what she wants in a husband and get to know a person to see if they line up with what she wants before she jumps into his pants... if she just wants to have “fun” well then dont complain about the relationship not going far if u only base it off sex!!

View Quoted Comment Yes, I agree, there is no magic number. It was a simple suggestion because she said everything that she does hasn't worked.

View Quoted Comment It’s all a matter of perception and point of view, and I have no doubt you only had good intentions! No worries!

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Hmmm I've never thought of her as shallow, but now that you mention it, she does have a list of requirements that the guy she dates needs to have as in "certain type of skin color, etc."

View Quoted Comment Yikes! I wasn’t even thinking that way .. i meant more like “wants a wife/family, does he agree with my morals/standards, do we have same interests/hobbies, things we can do together, can we talk without yelling, do we enjoy being around each other? what are our goals for future...etc..

View Quoted Comment And I don't have "old fashion standards," that I try to apply on others. I do however, see the cons and pros of two peoole waiting and not waiting. I've had committed relationships that have lasted years and I did not wait 90 days for 2 out of 3 long term relations that I've had. Please seek clarification before making judgements. I suggested to Sally to wait 90 days because nothing she has done has worked for her, according to her in her own words and from what I've observed. Do I think her waiting will solve her dating issues entirely? No... But it is worth a try, if she chooses and she will DEFINITELY learn something from it. 90 days is not a long time and it certainly is not old fashion.