How lavish weddings are destroying marriages

Hmmm let me read this I'll be right back

I don't think this is true. I think the issue is when people get caught up in the extravagant wedding and forget there's a marriage. I know people who had huge weddings and are still married, I know people who had tiny weddings and are divorced. The things that mattered were the wedding and not the marriage.

I read that too. While Daily Mail isn't an overly credible source, the statistical correlations are probably right, but I don't think that means if someone can afford an expensive wedding they are doomed to get divorced lol.

It's definitely more of an issue with that attitude you quoted at the end. There is nothing wrong with investing and loving your wedding, as long as you feel the same way and invest just as fully in the marriage.

I think there's more factors than just how much money you spend on one day, but yes I think they have found a statistical correlation between the two.

100% agree with Jessie.

I think the issue is having a large wedding and that's your only focus. FH does lots of little things for me and we make a point to go on dates. We ask each other about our days without saying did you speak to this vendor. I think some people forget to be grounded in the process.

I think it may be true if one person in the couple wants an extravagant wedding and the other person in the couple does not. A close couple I know had some issues early on because she wanted to spend far more than he was comfortable with but he got pressured to go along with it with (IMO pretty sexist) "let the bride have her day" and "stay out of the way, it's your job to show up" advice from everyone else. She, on the other hand, was bouyed with endless support for every single wedding fancy among all her young girlfriends. Neither of the mothers watched costs either.

Their wedding was beautiful and elegant. Later on, it really caused some problems with their marriage when they were faced with student loans, first home, and first baby all within the first two years of marriage. The financial strain of having to carry all of those when one partner blew all their savings on one day turned out to be harder to swallow in hindsight then it did in the moment.

If both people are on the same page however, I think that would be fine. Wedding planning is a true test of a relationship - financial priorities, practicality, division of workload, family relationship - differences in any of these are magnified with a lavish wedding because there's so much more involved and at stake. And yes, if you do find out that FH isn't the one in the course of planning, a more expensive wedding is harder for people to cancel than a cheaper one.

ETA: Note, the article isn't saying "lavish wedding necessarily means shitty marriage"

I agree with Jessie too. I don't necessarily think the more money you spend, the greater likelihood of an awful marriage; I think it's those people who let the fact that they are making a lifelong commitment get lost in between little stupid details or having "the most extravagant wedding possible to show off to my friends." The women in the article said, "Planning the wedding had taken over our lives to such an extent, I had lost sight of what really mattered." That could just as easily affect someone who is trying to plan a very cost conscious budget friendly wedding. I know people who have had very expensive weddings but they didn't lose themselves in planning and they are still happily married. FH and I are not having an inexpensive wedding but we keep reminding ourselves "it's only one day" and "no one will remember that."

Ok I'm back lol but I have to disagree with this. My aunt had a BIG expensive wedding and my aunt and uncle would still be together if he didn't pass away 17 years ago and I knew a girl who went to the court house and got divorced like 6 months after. It depends on the person and they viewpoint on marriage. When I find myself consumed with wedding plans because I'm a perfectionist at times, I have to step back and say to myself " I want my marriage to be bigger than my wedding". Long as you remember why you are having a wedding i think you will be fine

Divorce can be really expensive. If you can afford an expensive wedding, you could be less willing to stay in a bad marriage due to financial uncertainty.

It's not about the wedding. It's about the marriage. It's not about the candy buffets, the hand painted aisle runners, the favors, the 400 guests....

it's about the person you're marrying, and treating the guests you invite well. That is all.

I do not think there is a causation effect between big expensive weddings and divorce.

HOWEVER

I do think some people (mostly women, although there are probably some men too) agree to marry people they know they shouldn't, because they want a big, beautiful wedding and worry their time to have it is running out.

I was on another wedding forum that I will not name for a while, and a lot of the members there were obsessed with having a great proposal, engagement and wedding, while blatantly ignoring the fact they didn't like their partners very much. Lots of posts like "I would leave, but his BFF said he might propose..." or "We're fighting a lot, but I can almost SMELL a proposal! We can make it!"

The desire for the pintrest perfect lead-up to the wedding/wedding itself ignores the face that after the event, you're married to someone and it's best to want that.

This is big budget shaming. If the couple can afford it, and it's what they want, that's all that matters.

Meh, I had serious doubts about exH on our wedding day and I felt like a selfish tool for having doubts due to his mental illness. Well, I was right. That said, I felt no pressure to go ahead because of the money that had gone in, I felt pressure from myself because I thought I was being selfish when in fact that part of my mind was throwing up legit red flags.

I dislike the budget shaming here, and I love OG Alecia's article. A big party wasn't right for us but if my sister ever settles down I'll be stunned if she has fewer than 300 guests! She's a party person who makes friends everywhere she goes and I can easily see her going all out and making it a blast.

Agree with @JessieJV

@OGA is on point. I don't think correlation implies causation.

Divorce happens for a multitude of reasons, and the biggest (imo) being communication. Which is exactly what it sounds like didn't happen in the two relationships the article cited.

@Natalie, by the way, have you been feeling better? I know you were bummed for awhile about things after your wedding, but I remember the photos and you looked so lovely in them

I think we get obsessed witb statistics. I've also read before that the larger a wedding (guest-wise), the more likely the couple is to stay together.

The best statistic I ever read is one that said the couples that were the most determined to stay married were the ones who stayed together. Because that's all that matters.

It's not the size of the wedding, it's the expectations of the couple in the marriage. I know two couples who had similar big budget weddings around the same time, one is divorced the other isn't. The difference, one was desperate for a wedding and didn't really care that much about her husband or marriage, the other couple went all in on their marriage.

@Jenny I am feeling better, trying to keep busy, Thank you so much for asking!

Honestly I think the issue here comes from when couples spend beyond their means, you should never go into a marriage with a wedding debt hanging over your heads. During the last week of wedding planning we were considering hiring this big hanging lantern birdcage thingy to decorate our ceremony area. It would've cost 440 dollars. We saw sense in the end but let's be honest, some of the things we spend on our weddings are just not necessary and lead to massive bills . We want the weddings just like the magazine, we want our weddings to make bridal magazines. Why? How is this going to improve our marriage?