how important are bridal showers?

It is not ok to ask people to throw you a bridal shower or bachelorette party. Neither is important.

With a lot of my family and friends spread out around the country, I will not be having a Bridal shower (I wish!)

FSIL and my FMIL planned a getaway/bachelorette party for me though

I've never been to a fun bridal shower. I just can't get in my head why someone would be upset not having one: they're not important. And pretty gift grabby

When are brides going to realize it's not your bridesmaids fucking job to throw you showers and parties? Their job is show up in a dress on the right time. Nothing else. Take a step back and realize they also may not have the funds or time.

@HannahK it's not shitty because it's not their job.

I always see "neither is important" when it comes to bridal showers or bach parties. How many of you who are stating this haven't had these events thrown for you? And how many of you really could care less?

Honestly, I'm sorry this is the situation you're in, OP. It's a shitty one, and probably a rough feeling. All you can do it move on from it and enjoy the process of actually getting married, because that's what this is all about anyways.

ALSO, BM's don't have jobs. Last time I checked, they're your closest friends and they're in your wedding. They're not paid employees, so they have things they may be obligated to assist with, but not jobs.

I agree with @Katie. It's easy for people to say they aren't important and your feelings shouldn't be hurt if pps enjoyed their own shower.

However, it is NOT a requirement. You are not entitled to the parties and as much as it sucks, you just have to move forward and keep the mindset that you'll be marrying your best friend.

As a caveat, considering all the wonderful extras you've paid for your bms, including travel etc, is be extremely upset that your parents forked out all of that money for them and they didn't even have the courtesy to throw you a small shower or Bach party as a thank you. If I were you, I'd tell your mom to refrain from paying for their extras and maybe she can afford a shower for you without having to spend that money on your bms. Sorry that you're dealing with this.

Ok so after reading these comments I feel like I should explain the situation a bit better.

1. I did not asl my bridesmaids to plan a shower or bachelorette party. I asked if they were going to plan a bachelorette party. Before I got engaged we had all talked about bridal showers and lingerie showers and that stuff, I know what they would they know what I wpuld want. Since I have been engaged I havent asked them about that. However, my mother was talking to them about planning a shower not me. she asked if they were planning a bridal shower and told them if they needed help paying for a venue that she would pay for the venue and let them host it. my bms rudely replied to my mother and told her it was not their job to host it but that it was her job. My mother showed me the messages and it did make me mad, mainly because they were being rude to the woman who is paying for their hotel and way to the wedding, and besides that our home has always been open to these girls. My mother has done a lot for these girls over the years and so it frustrated me that they were rude to her, not so much that they werent willing to do the shower.

2. I have not asked my bridesmaids for anything since being engaged other than that they pick out the bridesmaids dress that they like best and order it when they get a chance. And for the 2 bridesmaids who live iut of state I told them I want them to be involved as much as possible but if that means all they do is come to the wedding I understand that. But I also gave them an open invitiation to my house for whenever they wanted to come down for events or if they just wanted to cone visit.

3. It is not so much that they are not doing a shower but it feels like I am doing all the giving and they are not even willing to help someone who they have called their best friend for years. If the roles were reversed, I would do as much as I could to help them, and I definitely would not be rude to their mother. Its not the lack of bridal shower that bothers me, it is that my best friends are being completely different since Ive gotten engaged.

I hope that clears up the situation a little better. I am not a bridezilla who is asking them to plan my wedding or do anything unreasonable,at the end of the day it would be nice if they acted like they cared and werent rude to my family.

They are optional but if thrown would be thrown by the bridesmaids or friends not you. To me the insult is them expecting you to pay for a bachelorette which reads to me as throw them a party. It's one thing to not throw you one, but to expect one and you to pay for it is another.

This could just me be reading into your post though.

I don't understand why people don't think it is the BM and MOH responsibility to help plan the wedding events. It is definitely NOT just buy and dress and show up. It is an honor to be asked to be in somebody's wedding, but also a responsibility to help that person, which includes everything from helping plan, to throwing a celebration party, to making decorations (as time and financials permit of course). If the ladies can't handle that responsibility, they should politely decline to be in the wedding party. Not only that, but if these ladies are friends of yours, they should be enthusiastically asking what else they can do to help for the sake of the friendship and because they love you. The overall attitude seems very poor and I can understand why you would feel frustrated and disrespected. I would be hurt too.

Maybe you need to have a conversation about what expectations for the bridal party you have versus the expectations they have. It seems to me, you are going well above and beyond average, while they are getting a free ride.

Every wedding I have been in, I have accepted, knowing that I would be paying for X events and planning Y things, and a few cases I haven't been able to afford traveling to a certain place for a destination party, but offered to take the bride out for drinks ourselves or lunch to make up for the fact I couldn't go to that specific thing. Also I offered because I loved the bride and wanted her to feel special during this special time.

Sorry your bummed out. I understand 100 %. Just look up and know you're marring the make you love and nothing else matters