how important are bridal showers?

You're not entitled to either party. You only get them if someone throws them in your honor. I'm sorry you're disappointed, I know it's a thing we think about as brides. Just try to focus on the good, fun stuff. ETA: You are not financially responsible for their dresses or hotel/ travel accommodations. If they can't afford to be a BM, buy the dress and show up, they should tell you that. Stop bending over backward for people and they won't disappoint you.

They are optional. If your BMs bought their dress and show up for the wedding, they've done their job.

No one is throwing me a bridal shower either. It has kind of brought me down just because I see other people enjoying showers, but at the end of the day, the only thing I want is to marry my fiance.

That sucks, and no you don't pay for your own bach party, but if they're not going to plan one for you, then you just don't have one. Don't worry about it and enjoy wedding planning

It can be hurtful when you feel let down by your friends. Unfortunately for you, hosting a shower is entirely optional and they seem to have chosen not to.

Showers used to be more important than they are today. The gifts actually helped set up a bride and groom's first home, whereas today many couples have had a place of their own or lived together before marriage.

Totally optional and honestly not that fun unless you really like watching someone unwrap a toaster. I really believe most people don't enjoy them.

@ariel are you on the virtual shower list? You're my date twin.

Sorry you're bummed about not having a shower. My shower plans weren't made until 2 months before, so there is still time.

If it doesn't happen, just move on and enjoy your wedding day!

First of all, not your mom's job to throw you a shower. Apparently, immediate family throwing you a shower is rude (per Southern Living). If anything it falls to the MOH, but if they don't, then they don't. I have one bridesmaid who is vety involved and wanted to do the shower but couldn't afford it. My MOH kind of insisted on being MOH and then forgot to do one, but I got sort of surprised! I get one on my birthday! Like 2 people are coming. It's not that exciting, just gettimg gifts earlier than the wedding date.

It's not their job to throw you a bachelorette or shower but neither is it your job to pay for their hotel or transportation.

Sorry to hear this as I know many brides look forward to showers and bachelorette parties. That being said you might want to consider cutting back on covering their expenses and host your own bridal brunch. No gifts but all the same elements of a shower. Play games and have a grand ole' time.

I understand your frustrations and disappointment at not being able to have that picturesque bridal experience with all the hoopla. I have that fear of missing out too. I live near one BM. My MOH is on the other side of the country, my other BM is back up north and so is my mother (but in different states). So I've accepted that I won't get a shower (especially with how small of a wedding we've chosen to do) or a bach party but when I do think about it I get a little sad only because society has told us this is the "norm" and we're not getting to experience that. Not that I deserve it but those feelings are still valid.

It's rude AF that your BM thinks you should plan and pay for your own bach party though. And you nor your family is responsible for paying for their accommodations, clothing, or any of that. They should be more appreciative that you're taking care of some those costs for them.

Whoa, you ASKED them about the shower and bp?

It was nice of your parents to pay for their accommodations. But they are in no way obligated to throw parties for you.

Fwiw, if there is no shower for a wedding I am invite to, I tend to give a bigger (more &dollar wedding gift.

1) neither party is required by the bridal party

2) anyone (including your mother) can throw a shower for you

3) acknowledge your feelings and move on

I can understand your wanting to have these things, but PPs are right: they aren't required. I've chosen not to have a shower, and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I agree with @Delfina that I think many people (myself included) don't enjoy them. I think that goes for a lot of pre-wedding events. YOU as the bride are excited for them because they are about/for you. As a guest, it's just not as exciting.

That's pretty shitty. I've been a BM/MOH 6 times and always, ALWAYS thrown a shower and planned a bachelorette party for my friends. It sucks that they do not want to do that for you. Yes, its optional, but its a very common thing and I'm shocked that they just don't care. Your mom or another person could throw the shower for you, if they offer. You definitely do not plan your own bachelorette party but honestly -- the responsibility is pretty f*cking minimal. They just need to get a group text or evite going with a group of your friends for a girls night out. Everyone pays for their own dinner/drinks...its not like it costs anything to plan a night out.

You definitely should NOT be paying for your BM hotel or travel. If they can't afford to get themselves to the wedding location, then they shouldn't have agreed to be in the bridal party.

No one is obligated to through you a shower or a bachelorette party.

In turn, you nor your parents are required to pay for their dresses, tuxes, rentals or hotel/accommodations.

I'm sorry they are acting that way, but those are both thrown in your honor so it's not really something you can tell them to plan. It's a bummer.

They actually thought you would be paying for the entire bachelorette party? Like food, drinks, entertainment for *everyone*? They sound clueless.

I'm sorry I think that's really shitty. I know that I'm months away but my MOH has already asked my opinion for bachelorette party, only because I'm not a big drinker and one of the other girls don't drink. As far as the shower goes my FMIL has stated a bunch that she wants to throw a shower and MOH will help. I'm going to second what everyone has said which is you shouldn't be paying for their hotels. They are all adults who agreed to be in the wedding. I'm wondering if financially they cannot afford to do a bachelorette/shower.