How far to plan ahead?

We'll have a 17 month engagement by the time all is said and done. We still haven't booked a venue, but we really should have, and we put a deadline on ourselves to decide by this Saturday.

I started 18 months out, and it still feels like I don't have enough time.

FH & I have a 4.5 yr engagement. I would recommend start saving $ now. Figure out your budget (current savings, what you can save between now-n-then). If someone offers to help pay for the wedding, do not rely on that until the $ is in your hand (people want to help, offer; but then life gets in the way sometimes).

We spent the 1st three years thinking about what we want/where/how many guests, etc. I did buy a few thing; but only stuff that I kept going back to over-n-over again = loved!

We knew our venue & booked that as soon as they allowed us & have been planning in full gear about a 1 yr out from our wedding. Because we had so much time, we were able to find some good deals...just don't go all out right away - you'll probably end up changing your mind on things over time.

You can start saving and getting ideas now. You don't have to have what some may consider an "official proposal" to be engaged. As long as you both are on the same page and seriously talking marriage, you are engaged. Congratualations! H and I seriously talked about getting married last January/February, told our parents, and then had a date set and venue booked that spring. He "officially proposed" about a week before my second dress search appointment in June. While others had questions about the lack of a ring and all the pomp/circumstance, we were comfortable and confident in the way things were going. We didn't need the show for others in order for our engagement to be real for us.

I'm just trying to figure out how you start planning a wedding before someone says "Will you marry me?". That's just not how that goes...Literally the exact opposite of what you said @Godiva. You actually DO have to have some kind of proposal to be engaged. You don't just say we've been together for X amount of years, so now we're gonna get married. That's absolutely not how that works. Lol. Is this even real? You were shopping for a wedding dress before you were engaged? Is that even a thing? No one said you need a ring, but you DO need to be actually engaged. Not just "for fun" ideas.

ETA: Again, it's not wrong at all to have ideas or start thinking of things you want or dislike... but planning a wedding is so much more than ideas. And that's where I think you should stop until you're actually engaged, so that you can have time to talk to FH about what things you agree and disagree on. I personally would think that if he was on the same page 100% that he would have proposed in some form. You don't need a ring for that, if that's his intentions!

We got engaged the beginning on January and getting married the end of January next year so just a tad over 12 months.

I think for now the best thing to do is save, budget, look up ideas and research on the Internet some venues that you would like since you want the date. I wouldn't contact anyone quite yet because prices will change in 3.5 years but at least you will have somewhat of an idea of what you like and the amount to budget for.

I wouldn't start planning until you actually get engaged, although looking and getting ideas on things you like isn't a bad idea!

Engagement does NOT mean someone got down on one knee. You're engaged when you and your FH have engaged in the discussion of a marriage together. Don't let ANYONE tell you differently. Everyone doesn't want to get down on one knee....my FH didn't and I didn't want him to. Start planning when you two are ready to plan. I've been pinning (Pinterest) my wedding for 3 years. Didn't really begin to seriously figure out what we really wanted until 11-12 months out. I guess I'd say that I truly began to be serious about it all when he bought me a ring. But even a ring doesn't equate to engaged. Do what you and your FH want! Some women begin thinking and planning their wedding from the time they are a little girl (or at least they say they do). Lmao

Start with the things that aren't tied to a location or date. Think of your guest list, Pinterest ideas, the type of wedding you want (as in simple, traditional, religious, ect), and look around to see what venues are around. Decide if you want a destination or a local wedding. There's a lot you can do without being officially engaged! FH and I picked out a few things while we were looking at rings and saving up to get engaged. Don't forget to budget as well!

The literal definition of being engaged is "an agreement to be married". So no, having a discussion about a wedding does not make you engaged. Are we really telling people that now?

Also, who said she needs a physical ring to be engaged? So far, no one has suggested that. However you said you didn't truly get serious until he bought you a ring. So which side are you on?

I never wanted a long engagement either. We got engaged this past December, and we are getting married this July. So about 7 months! Honestly it feels like its too much time, but everyone's different! My brother was like you. They never got engaged. They just planned their wedding and got married.

Honey, I'm not on a side. This lady asked a question and I gave my advice. Why are you so defensive?? That was MY personal situation. I wanted a ring! BUT I explained that a ring doesn't mean you are any more or less engaged. As a after of fact, a ring doesn't even make you engaged.

In total my engagement will be 17 months. As PP's have said, you should be engaged first before going to look at venues and things like that.

I wanted a ring because I've been with FH since I was 17 (11 years) and I've pushed out two beautiful children over those 11 years. So yes, I personally wanted a ROCK! But I began my planning long before that. I just got serious as far as detail after the ring.

Which is understandable. However, my entire point here is that it doesn't make sense logically to begin planning a wedding and choosing details until you have officially agreed to being married and moving forward in life. Which OP said this is not official, so that's the whole point I'm getting at here.

Last Valentine's Day my FH told me that he's going to propose to me one day and had this whole spiel how he couldn't afford to propose this Valentine's Day etc etc etc and I started pinning EVERTHING, I didn't schedule any vendor meetings or buy anything wedding related. A couple days after this Valentine's Day, he proposed and since I had a semi clear idea of what I wanted I was able to book a venue almost two years in advance.

I recommend you start pinning, saving, writing down a budget and a rough guest list!

Great advice @Giselle V.!

We got engaged this past December and wanted a long engagement... of course once family gets involved that doesn't work lol. So we had "set a date" for October 2018... only to find out weather in Puerto Vallarta is no good that month. So we pushed it back to May 2019, which puts us at a tiny bit over two years. That seems sooo far away for us, but since we are paying for it ourselves it really helps with the budget! Right now we have decided on a venue, but that's about it. Two years is just a bit too far away to plan anything concrete, so until you're about this far away from your perfect date, just sit back and relax and enjoy each other. And if you aren't the type to do a formal proposal, then you might at least want to wait until you decide to announce any type of formal engagement to the family. I don't know how your family is, but I know if family found out we had all kinds of stuff already planned without announcing an engagement, there would be questions all around.

I emailed be planning since 2013. But I refused to start anything until he actually proposed.

Maybe I should have referenced the one-knee, with the question and a ring, to clarify "official proposal". All of the pomp and circumstance is not needed to be declared engaged. A serious discussion of marriage ending in an agreement to proceed was sufficient for me and many others here. We were serious when we made the decision and began planning our wedding. For what it's worth, the ring did not add to the seriousness. The ring was mentioned in my post as there were people IRL that felt our engagement weren't real to them without this show piece.