How far to plan ahead?

You should start planning once you're engaged... not until then. 2020 is a long time from now. Especially if the wedding talk is "just for fun." If he hasn't proposed, you guys aren't getting married yet, lol.

ETA: words.

We started planning a little over the one year mark, mainly just booked the photographer and venue so the date we wanted was locked in. We didn't start planing anything else until around 9 months prior.

Congratulations on your engagement! You can begin planning now. Begin building your budget and tentative guest list. Once you have those two you can begin searching for venues. Many popular venues and photographers get booked 12-18 months in advance.

@TeamGrz... she's not engaged yet. What?

There's no harm in looking at venues you might be interested in or starting a Pinterest board, but it's a bit far to start booking things or buying a dress, etc. I got engaged about a year ago but we knew we wouldn't have the wedding until I graduated. We're about a year out and we've chosen our venue and I found my dress.

I got engaged July 2016 am getting married October 2017. I started planning a week after I got engaged and it has been amazing so far. Lots of time to save and plan and I was able to get all the vendors I wanted because none of them were booked since it was so early.

Yea definitely can't start planning until you are engaged. We are having a 6 month engagement and have had plenty of time to get it all together.

We were engaged for 10 months and planned entirely during that length of time. I would say wait until around 2 years out before you start looking at venues, drafting a guest list, etc. As you said, a lot can change in 3 and a half years.

We will have been engaged for 18 months, started researching/budget/# of guests about a month after. Did not actually go to see venues or book anything until about 3 months into the engagement.

OP, the key word here from all the PP's is... engaged. Until you are actually engaged, not just for fun, you shouldn't be planning your wedding. I don't mean to be rude at all, so I hope you don't take it that way. But you said it yourself. A lot can change in this length of time. If he wanted to get married now, he would propose. It doesn't make sense to start looking at venues or planning your wedding until you know for sure you're going to have a wedding. That's all I'm saying.

I wouldn't plan anything until you are actually engaged.

Thanks for the input, everyone. Maybe I misstated my situation. We ARE getting married, and we talk about it regularly. I say "not engaged" because neither one of us has gotten down on one knee, yadda yadda. We are in a stable and committed relationship, but I do appreciate those looking out for someone who may be getting ahead of herself, and maybe that's how I sounded.

I am a planner by nature. I won't make any decisions until we're both ready, but I just wanted to know when is the best time to start looking at venues, vendors, etc. We will likely be getting married out of state and we really like our date, so I wouldn't want to find a dream venue and then risk having to change our date to be married there. The thought of a 6 month engagement sends me into a panic, so I know we'd want longer than that, especially having to plan things from out of state.

I wish we would of had more saved prior to engagement. I wouldn't start planning until after the engagement. But I would advise in Saving.

Doesn't hurt to start thinking of a budget and saving for it.

Great advice re: budgeting! That's the other reason we are holding off on making any official announcements with family/friends.

Start the process of getting ideas, but just ideas. Wait until you are engaged until you actually plan, contact vendors, etc. my fiancé and I were in the same boat. Very serious, talked about our wedding a lot and actually had two dates we liked. Then we got engaged, all conversations and ideas we thought we liked ended up changing. But the changes were actually blessings in disguise and it's so much better. Have fun with getting ideas right now, but actually start the planning when you're officially engaged.

I don't think you "misstated" anything. You definitely described the situation correctly. You're not engaged, so even if you're in a committed relationship, that doesn't always equal marriage. I only suggest waiting because of the simple fact that 3.5 years away, there's not much you can really do or plan for. Sure, it's okay to have ideas because we all do. But that still doesn't mean you should start booking venues or anything else. Atleast until someone HAS gotten down on one knee. Being proposed to, in some way, is what starts your planning process. FH and I have been together for almost 6 years and even though I thought we would be married, it wasn't official until he asked. That's all.

I understand, and I do appreciate where you're coming from. I guess my hang up is that we're not really the type to do the "get down on one knee" thing, so if that's what makes us "engaged", then I'll never be engaged, and that's fine with me. We all come from different types of relationship dynamics here and I'm glad we can appreciate that. for now, I'll focus on budget planning and just looking at ideas.

I got engaged in October 2016 and our wedding is in November 2017. I started planning quickly after just because I knew I wanted a fall wedding and dates were going quick. I'd say wait until you two are actually engaged though. Until then just creep on Pinterest and get ideas for everything for when the time comes. No point in planning anything now.

6month engagement. Got engaged Christmas Eve and getting married June 24. We've been together for 10 years.