How far is too far for the rehearsal dinner from ceremony site?

My ceremony is 60 mile north of my reception, but we are having a very small gathering and it is almost like a destination reception. 30 people and everyone is spending a few days down there. We rented a beach house for a week and that's were our reception is.

Ehhh, 45 minutes is kind of long. I'd be fine going up to a half hour, but this isn't ridiculous. How soon is the wedding? I'm going to guess that you just have a stressed out bride. It's not right for her to say that you don't care about the wedding (you clearly do), but she's probably getting complaints about a variety of things from everyone. If this is the place where she wants to have the dinner, then maybe just drive and deal with it. The dinner won't be more than an hour or hour and a half tops-- you'll be back to the hotel around 10.

That being said, if there are nice restaurants in the vicinity of the hotel, maybe suggest them. I can see why she didn't want to use a hotel conference room, though. And, if she already put down a deposit, let it go.

That's too far, especially since no one needs a rehearsal anyway. She should just have a 'night before' dinner and call it a day.

I really don't think it's a big deal Maybe carpool if you don't feel like driving. It's her day, 45 minutes isn't that bad. Is there fancier restaurants in the same town as the rehearsal? If so, maybe suggest them, but if she has her heart set on it, then just go with it.

There's no way to please everyone. My family is actually trying to get me to do this, because some of them rented a house about 45 minutes away from the church and most of them are not in the wedding party and only coming to the dinner. It's long, but I would just let it go. She sounds mean but maybe she's stressed and frustrated.

I'm still choking on the fact that it has cost you $1200 to be a BM, and the bride is now thinking about giving you your walking papers. Whether or not the RD is necessary isn't the issue. They are a relatively standard and widely accepted (and expected) part of weddings (we had one three decades ago and my daughter had one seven years ago). It's part of the deal for most couples.

That being said -- you probably don't really need to practice (I think the evening is more about the dinner that follows). You are not first graders doing your first stage play for your parents. You are all adults who can easily master where to stand and when to walk. If everyone shows up on time and doesn't screw around, this rehearsal could be done in 20 minutes. Would I be thrilled with a 45 minute drive to her RD after an hour long rehearsal? No. Would I go? Probably.

Long story short, the bigger issue is that she is now telling you -- after she's had the benefit of your financial contributions for her shower and bachelorette party -- that you can hand in your gown and shoes and stay home on the day of the wedding if you don't make it to her RD. I think that completely sucks. How dare she? While I do believe that she was probably hurt by the fact that her BMs all told her that the restaurant was too far, I don't believe she was right in telling everyone that they could stay home on her wedding day if they weren't going to attend the rehearsal and the dinner. I'd be so tempted to blow this off -- not because it was such a huge issue to begin with, but because she's now treating you like disposable props.

I second what Rebecca said. It's far. The bride is being inconsiderate but I don't think it's worth a fight. Just go to the dinner.

Ours was 30 minutes away. and our rehearsal finished early, so we had about an hour of time where we all went to a bar before dinner. Granted it was the ceremony spot that was out of the way, not the RD, which was held back closer to where everyone was staying.

Either way, suck it up. Are the groom's parents paying for the RD? Maybe their are other underlying issues that you don't know about. I think it's pretty rude that she gave you an ultimatum but the RD can sometimes be one of the most intimate, emotional parts of the wedding (ours was, we had a lot of people stand up to speak and we cried...a lot..) and I would be so sad if one of my BM didn't make it. The entire wedding weekend is verrrrrrrrrrrrry loooong and exhausting, but you just have to accept that and roll with it.

Centerpiece is always so smart!

I totally agree that 45 minutes is too far. We briefly considered this but then quickly decided the drive would be too much for people. However, if I were in your situation I would still go to the dinner portion.

Unfortunately for you, it sounds like she has already booked and possibly paid a deposit for the restaurant for the dinner will take place. I am not sure if that is the case, but if isn't, maybe suggest the hotel room but have it catered and plated vs a buffet? I know with my RD, we are using the hotel meeting rooms (we are paying for both, as we don't get ours for free) - one will be for the guests and the other one will be the staging area for the catering staff. The hotel is providing the linens and tables. The caterer is going to provide all the food, drinks, and servingware -- also all our food is going to be plated for us (therefore everyone will preorder, just like they would for a plated wedding reception dinner). Will the "plated" aspect make it seem "fancier" for her? Maybe she can do some simple centerpieces (if she wants to make it even more fancy)?

Yikes. I think 45 minutes is a lot. Ours is about 25 minutes and I felt bad doing that. I actually wanted it closer to the ceremony but we all live where the dinner will be. We wanted to make it convenient at the end of dinner for people to only drive 5-10 minutes home instead of 30.

Unfortunately I think you just have to suck it up and go. Yes annoying, but just leave right after the food. Stinks!

When is this wedding? I'd be pretty frustrated if someone came up to me and started trying to suggest changes for something (esp. if she isn't the one hosting it...) and it was like, two weeks away. Brides have enough to deal with.

I will never schedule a rehearsal dinner that wasn't within walking distance of the rehearsal location. I'm talking two blocks.

Mine is about 25 minutes away and I thought that was a lot. The only reason I chose that particular restaurant is because my FH's mom has passed and that was her favorite restaurant, so it was important to have some aspect of the wedding be there. It's definitely annoying, but it doesn't sound like you have much of an option.

My suggest to change was only if she was the one hosting (and that there wasn't another reason besides being "fancy" on why she booked the dinner where she did). Also, that same suggestion goes if there is at least a few months before her wedding. I didn't mean for that suggestion to come out as in suggest it if she is getting married in a month or so. I agree with @Laura Marie, that suggesting something that close would frustrate me - as there is so much else going on.

My rehearsal brunch was 30 mins from the ceremony site. But I chose a location close to the hotel where everyone was staying so they wouldn't have to travel far after they eat.

In our area, 45 minutes is nothing. (Many people commute that far to work every day.) So I wouldn't see it as unreasonable to have it that far from the ceremony. (Besides, how far it is from the ceremony isn't really the issue; it's how far it is from where you are staying.)

I do see the bride as being overly picky to threaten to throw you out of the wedding if you don't attend. But I don't think it's the hill you should die on, either.

I totally agree with you, but just suck it up, ride w/ some of the other BMs, and bitch about it the whole drive... it'll honestly make you feel better! I bet you'll still be in bed by 11pm; After dinner is over, grab the other BMs you rode with and wrap it up! You don't need to stand around with Bridezilla while she says her goodbyes....

45 minutes is a bit of a drive, but its the rehearsal dinner! It's not like you're paying or anything. Have fun and go! maybe carpool with some of the other maids and chip in money for gas?

I kept my rehearsal dinner close to my venue...it's less than a mile away. Is it where I'd really like to have it? No. But it would be silly to make everyone drive all over creation just so that I could have dinner at my favorite restaurant. I think 45 minutes away is too far. I'd say 15 minutes tops.