How do you talk money with family?

You should not be asking your fiance's family for money for the wedding. Has his family ever mentioned contributing? I think this is something your fiance should discuss with them.

There is NOTHING wrong with wanting family's help but, DON'T expect it. How we did it is we casually brought up the conversation about our wedding and it left the door open to say "if yall need anything let me know". Which is exactly what my dad did.

The only thing we have gotten any help with is my dress- my dad paid for that.

His parents were supposed to pay for church, but, they still haven't. So I am not counting on it.

You shouldn't be asking people to contribute. If they offer, great! But asking for money is just ick.

View Quoted Comment To clarify, do you mean just I as the party member not related to them should not ask but it would be ok for my fiancé to ask? Or do you mean it is impolite to ask at all?

They haven’t but we JUST got engaged a few days ago and have only talked to them once since then to tell them the news.

View Quoted Comment

I think its impolite to ask at all, but if you really want them to contribute and your fiance is okay with it, I think it would be better received coming from him. Just because they paid for his brother's wedding doesn't mean they'll pay for his. Its best never to expect people will give you money and just plan the wedding you can afford.

Thanks everybody, I didn’t know but now I know!

I'm with PPs and wouldn't ask at all. If they want to offer then that's great! Otherwise I'd start planning as if you and your FH were paying for it on your own. If you're not sure if they're going to chip in or not, there's nothing wrong with inviting them to look at venues to get a feel.

We didn't have ask for money. We went into the wedding planning with the notion that we would be paying for everything. My FH's parents spoke to him directly about how much they are able/wanting to contribute. My parents have stated told me the same. In regards to the amounts given, we have not asked since about it. We figured if they mention it again then we would tell them specific venues to apply the money toward, but we feel like it is our responsibility to pay for exactly what we want, given our parent's finances.

Since it is so early in your engagement, I wouldn't ask. Start doing your research, price shopping, making a budget, etc. Let the conversation come more on their terms to avoid seeming greedy/needy, but don't depend on them helping, but if they do, great!!

You don’t. If they want to contribute, they will offer.

You should definitely not be the one to ask them. But I think it is fine for your fiance to nicely ask them if they are able and wanting to contribute. My husband's family didn't (and wouldn't have) offered any money had my husband not asked... they just don't think of things like that lol, but they are all always very blunt and honest with each other so we knew they wouldn't be offended if husband asked. He did, and they were happy to contribute.

I partly disagree. While you should never assume someone will pay for something, I don’t think it hurts to discuss some costs. Some parents automatically assume they are paying for things and not talk to you about it. While it seems great, those parents then believe they get a say in certain things about the wedding. Conversely, some parents don’t know that they can contribute and aren’t comfortable talking about money with you. They might want to contribute to something specific, ie the rehearsal dinner but aren’t sure how to discuss it. I would have a discussion with your fiancé and talk to him if his parents have said anything about their contributions to the wedding.

I think that's probably something they'll bring up if they want to do it. That's what happened with both of ours they just naturally brought it up themselves

I assume your fiance should talk to his family privately, when they offer to contribute. Same for your mom, to see what she is comfortable with. I'd do it in person.

Do not ask. If they want to contribute they will. Sometimes it takes a little longer for parents to absorb the news and build the courage to ask so let them all do it on their own time. Best is to assume you will foot the entire bill and be pleasantly surprised.
I suggest telling all parties who offer you will accept help as long as it doesn't impact their budget and you don't want anyone taking loans or credit cards out for it.
As for the phone if it comes up the phone is fine.

I think your fiancé should talk to them but I also agree that some families just automatically assume they will help contribute in some way. I was discussing buying things with my own mother and she said why are you doing that I’m gonna buy that. Some families find it rude to ask but you and your fiancé could discuss things you are planning to pay for to spark up the discussion with them. Though I think it’s better for him to ask them in a polite way like “Are you interested in helping us plan the wedding or giving input in it?” . That way if they do what to contribute, they will have a lot of say in things.

I would personally never ask anyone to pay for anything for me nevermind a wedding. I had my uncle who did contribute money to my venue however he’s walking me down the aisle and he offered. I have never thought to ask my mother or FH mother for money. It’s bad taste

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. You'll never know unless you have that awkward conversation. I definitely think your fiance should have the conversation given that it's his parents. He can mention that you guys are discussing your budget so you can start planning....that's a a good segway into asking if there will be anything they will contribute towards.

View Quoted Comment I also agree with this!! If they want to contribute they would let you know!!!

Since your mom asked, talk to her privately and ask her what she feels comfortable contributing. She might offer an amount or to pay for something (your dress, the cake, etc).

Do not ask fiancé’s family for money. They’ll say something if they wish to contribute.

I disagree with pp’s who said you won’t know unless you ask. It’s not awkward for family to offer to pay for things but it is rude to ask. My fiancé and I went in expecting no help from anyone and we still really don’t. I just began sharing ideas with my mom and she began sharing ideas with me and then offered to pay for my dress. If they want to give you something they will offer.