How do you handle/address extended family not being invited to small/intimate wedding?

You tell them exactly what you just told us ... you're having a smaller wedding with only immediate family and close friends. I don't think you should have to explain yourself though. If anyone says "Why wasn't I invited?" then they're being rude and out of line

Do you think we need to make a formal/official announcement to them specifically or is this something we can do after the wedding?

I'm in the same situation now. My family doesn't seem to understand what small and intimate means. I honestly just don't want to talk to anyone about the wedding bc then I get frustrated bc everyone seems to know what's best for my wedding day... I only told those who were invited. Others did find out though. It's a tricky situation though... The people I didn't tell are those who I hardly speak to, who I see every so often and who I never felt close to. I wouldn't tell them if something else was to happen.

I'm in this situation too, but not with my family...With FH's. We're having 100 people...Which isn't reallly intimate I guess, but those are our closest family/friends....FMIL came over yesterday and started naming all these people that keep asking about our wedding...Wanna know what she's telling them? That I'M in control of the guest list...So basically she's telling them I don't want to invite them. I'm SO annoyed. We told her plenty of times that our venue only hold 130 people MAX and that's with no room for dancing. When people ask me I just tell them that we have limited space and we can only invite our very close family/friends.

You have the wedding you want and send out announcements afterwards. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

We too had a discussion about having an "intimate" wedding. In the end, and after talking to the FILs they agreed no one would "get it" and it would piss off the whole family/coworkers of my FFIL and FH. I am only inviting maybe 35 people on my side...FH is inviting well over 100.

We "tested the waters" at the annual Christmas party with FH's family and friends by mentioning having a small wedding. My FFIL's friends (who would ultimately not be invited if we were only having an intimate affair) were all like "well, we are coming". It was as if they said no matter what you want, we will show up. It does seem where I live at least and of the weddings we have attended, it is a major snub to have an intimate wedding that IS NOT HELD AT THE JOP. It's like, you have a wedding and invite a ton of people or go to the court house alone. It is like there is no middle ground. Is it rude to ask "why were we not invited", yes. But people will ask anyway and it will be awkward when you get that *one family member* who throws a fit about it.