How do you feel about non-gift giving guests?

Our wedding was around $25k and we paid for everything ourselves. We kept a list of our gifts for thank you cards and that’s it. I didn’t go through it to keep tabs on who didn’t give a gift and I haven’t thought twice about it. I do things for my friends because I love them and that’s what friends do, not because I want gifts.

A gift is just that a gift...nothing mandatory. I do not mean to sound harsh but the cost of your wedding should not be a factor as that was the choice to spend that amount. It is nice and good etiquette to give a gift but not a necessity. Same goes for a b day party or a housewarming. I can understand your frustration but I would not think anything about it. The most important thing is the happy day you had. Worse case you can show the same courtesy if you get invited to their event or do not give as much.

I didn’t expect anyone to give me a gift and I don’t have any thoughts about our relationship based on whether they gave a gift or not. I don’t understand when people get upset about gifts. Some people just don’t do gifts or don’t have the same financial situation. I invited people to my wedding to enjoy spending time together celebrating my new marriage. Any gifts we got were appreciated and I sent thank you notes. But definitely not expected or attached to my emotional state.

It doesn’t bother me. We’ve been married over a year now and I couldn’t tell you who gave us what and who didn’t give us anything.

Our wedding was about 3 months ago and I can honestly say I don’t think about who gave a gift or not. When people asked about gifts we said we really did expect anything (especially from those that travelled to be there) and some of those people didn’t give a gift or even a card. They made it to the wedding, that’s what mattered.

I understand how you feel. We had a very close friend not but a gift and it did feel like a slight. Even if they didn’t intend it to feel that way.


When you see these people socially, don’t mention it. Let it go.

Personally, I wouldn't be upset because I have seen great financial days, and days where I was living off cereal and milk. So I try to empathize where other people might be in life. I also think this is situational. We were invited to a last minute reception (two days before) and we didn't bring a gift. I felt slightly guilty although it wasn't my friend, it was my fiances. The more I thought about it, the more I didn't care. It was last minute, invited through a text. Should they expect something? Absolutely not.

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I don't think anyone throws a wedding to get gifts. It is however customary and polite to at least give a card. For many a wedding is a rite of passage and a celebration, not simply a party you throw for your friends and family. As you said you do things for your friends because you love them.

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I would say that people who did not give gifts also did not give cards. Maybe they thought it would call attention to the lack of a gift? Maybe they just didn't think about it?

On the other hand, we invited only people we wanted to have there. We didn't want anyone thinking they had to stay home because they couldn't afford/didn't have time to buy a gift.

I was really just happy the people I love were able to come. There's several guests who didn't gift, but I'm so glad they came to celebrate with us

I've been that jerk who didnt bring anything to a wedding once when I was like 21/22. I didn't really know better as it was my first time attending a wedding as an adult. I still feel guilty about it to this day and I wasn't really in a good place financially but I made the trip home from school 300 miles away to attend and my friend knew that and was just grateful for my being there.
That said, I dont even remember if people attended and didnt send a gift to my wedding. I was just so excited to see everybody and celebrate my marriage with people!

We did keep a master spreadsheet that had all addresses, costs, gifts etc. We spent over 35k and most people gave us $100 per person but we did have quite a few only give us $10-20. For me, I just had one close friend who gave me a $50 gift card to a store I’ve never been to. I didn’t have a bridal party but I paid for hair and makeup for 6 of us. I am still friends with her and I don’t bring it up, but it does sting a little.

When you’re in the process of going through the cards and seeing the gifts, it’s easy to compare and be like this person gave less or nothing but this person gave more or the average. But remember it’s not about the gifts and you never know their struggles. Are they struggling overall financially? Have they been too a lot of weddings this season? I’ve given less than I’ve wanted to give last summer because we had 6 weddings while trying to save for our own, so each couple had to share what we had to give. Could they be struggling to get out of debt or have a debt issue? I have a girlfriend who seems like she’s fine financially, seems like she goes out and takes trips and adventures but she’s struggling with a credit card habit and finds herself trying to dig out of it more than she’d like. They could be embarrassed that they couldn’t give but wanted to. If they celebrated your day with you and are an otherwise good friend, that’s most important.

I honestly was surprised by how many guests didn’t give any gifts. I thought perhaps because we had a reception only but per our invite it was formal affair with drinks, dinner & dancing. If I were a guest to an event like that (whether or not it was a wedding reception), I’d bring a gift.


Again, not expected but I found it odd. Several couples here have been surprised by guests not bringing a gift or even a card. That is an unfortunate change in social etiquette in my opinion.

Not married yet but every wedding I've ever attended, I gave a gift! I don't even think twice about it! The main reason people attend weddings are to celebrate and support the union they just witnessed...so I do believe that the happy couple deserves to be showered with gifts to start them on their new journey.


I do hear a lot about not bringing it up if someone doesn't get you a gift though...might make things awkward if they honestly couldn't afford to get a gift at the moment.

I'm hurt by the people (like family) who utterly refused to even acknowledge the wedding - not even a congratulatory social media message, or text.

Those who did not give gifts? Either they gave gifts other ways (my bridesman choreographed/wrote our reception swordfight, for instance), or they gave a card, or their presence really was all they could do, and we're just glad they could make it.

You never know what people are going through financially, so it's not something that bothers me. DH and I have given tiny gifts, because it was all we could afford at the time, and our relationships have never suffered because of it.

Gifts are a blessing, but not required.

It's the people who ignore the event completely, and, consequently, usually cut themselves out of your life - that's what hurts.

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No you did not throw a wedding for gifts but do not let that cloud your judgement either of those that didn't. There are many factors. I think we put too much thought into weddings these days when once upon a time there were not all these rules of etiquette, lavish receptions, etc... I think the fact that people took time out of their lives to celebrate with you should be the main focus because I have heard or read of important family not attending the big day. One of my friend's parents did not even attend her wedding to her ex. Some people I know just dislike giving gifts, it sucks but it is what it is. If you think about it, you can have a birthday party and not get a gift or a house warming and not get a gift, Some people just do not think that way. I can totally see feeling a little upset for those that did not but just remember that in the future when they have an event. Treat them the same but do not let them not giving a gift make you feel differently about them when you see them...esp because you are allowing them to make you upset and control your emotions. They are not thinking about it and I do not think you should either because now you have a happy life ahead of you with your husband. Like most PP's have said I would let it go.

You let it go. You married your love, had a great wedding and are enjoying the newlywed life. The fact that you spent $30,000 has nothing to do with your guests. That was your choice. Are you saying that if you only spent $3000 you wouldn’t care if they didn’t bring a gift?


I wouldn’t worry about it and just continuing being you. If you are a person who gives, then continue being helpful. Otherwise be tit for tat. But the fact that you’re questioning it shows that it’s definitely on your mind. So maybe you shouldn’t do the big favor for your friend because it sounds like you’ll have some resentment.

We had several guests who didn't give us a gift or a card. We've seen them since and it's not been an issue. Gifts are nice, but they aren't mandatory.

I don't think anyone needs to get me a gift. I don't know people's financial situation, and I don't understand the concept of throwing a wedding to get gifts. The wedding is to celebrate our love with the people we love.