How do you break news to friends that they aren’t bridesmaids?

I wouldn’t bring it up. You haven’t asked anyone yet.

What do you mean by formally asked?

View Quoted Comment I agree with Kenisha. No need to bring it up. Just be prepared to tell them (you don’t need to explain yourself) if they ask you later on down the line!

If you haven't asked yet, dont mention it to them.
If they do ask after the party is set, just let them know you wanted to keep it small. Simple as that.

I just nicely said I'm unable to have you as a bridesmaid and I'm sorry but I'd still love for you to hang out and come to the bachorlette party. My one friend was perfectly fine with it and the other said I really hurt her feelings but that she understood. Just have to be upfront bout it.

I would tell someone that they arent a bridesmaid. They're adults. They should be able to handle it. Instead, I
Find another way to incorporate them into the wedding if youd like, such as readings.

There's no need to tell someone that they aren't in your bridal party. They'll figure it out.

View Quoted Comment This is my question too.

OP, if you have said anything about anyone being in the wedding party previously, it would be a relationship damaging, potentially relationship ending, move to cut them out now.

I would addressed that if I was asked. Since you haven’t asked anyone yet you should be fine.

I would wait to be asked instead of opening a can of worms right away!

I wouldn't bring it up unless asked. I would think it's pretty rude if a friend just came out and said "you aren't in the wedding.". Now when you say formally asked, did you allude to some they might be in the wedding and now you don't want them in the wedding? Because that is just....wrong.

If you haven't done that just stick with lines like

"we couldn't have everyone we wanted!"

Things shift and change. You're not in the bridal party until you're formally asked. I was previously engaged about 10 years, and I had spoken to people about wedding parties at that time. They don't expect to be bridal party now when the wedding style and relationship has changed so much.

I would only address it if recently you told them that you were planning on it and changed your mind. That will damage your friendships - a lot. In that case, I would let them know that you had to limit things more than you wanted to, but involve them in another capacity... if I was that friend thought, I wouldn't want to do work (i.e. give a speech, reading, etc.,) if you already slighted me like that.

I have never been in an experience where I asked the future bride to be in her wedding party lol because that’s rude no matter how close of a friend. Don’t say anything to the people you aren’t asking. Once time passes they’ll get the idea they were not asked, if they confront you about it just say you wanted to keep a small wedding party for cost purposes. There really is a cost to the wedding party. Gifts, potential hair and makeup you might pay for, rehearsal dinner you have to pay for all of them.

Don't say anything unless they ask directly. Which is also kind of rude. You just assume if you aren't approached then you aren't in it. One of my friends got married, we are close and I wasn't asked to be in her party. A lot of people were surprised I wasn't asked to be in her bridal party and commented on it - people who knew her but weren't invited to her wedding. I wasn't surprised and honestly I was kind of relieved. After you're in a couple weddings, it's really nice to be just a guest.

After her wedding we had lunch and she told me she had really wanted to ask me but felt that the bridal party had gotten a little out of control in terms of size but she wanted me to know that she did value our relationship in that way. I thought that was nice. It would have been weird for her to say something to me before hand but it was a nice comment to feel the love after.

I feel like if you have that many people that would be offended it may be worth doing without a party at all or maybe just doing strictly MOH and BM so it is very clear you didn’t exclude people just to exclude them!

View Quoted Comment

This literally happened to me in september!! I was friends with this girl like on & off for 15 years(she starts too much drama then stops talking to me). When I got engaged, she texts me saying how she's going to be in my bridal party. Like hold up there! I asked my bridal party and they posted on social media, me as well saying how I can't wait for them to be apart of me and FH day. She texts me a week later saying how she's mad and stuff like they're all my family I didn't ask one friend. I told her that we decided on just family and she hasn't talked to me since.

OP I wouldn't say anything to these girls if you never officially asked them. They shouldn't assume they're in your party.

View Quoted Comment In general I agree. What does formally asked mean? I want to know that before I give advice. If she asked them at all to me she needs to reconsider not having them or talk to them.

A couple of my close friends are disappointed I didn’t ask them. I’m sorry about that, but we didn’t want a massive bridal party - having three bridesmaids and three groomsmen (including MOH and Best Man) seems the perfect amount for us. I could have had nine bridesmaids if I included all my closest friends - but that seemed too much for me. My bridesmaids include my sister, my stepbrother’s wife, and my closest BFF of all.

My other friends ultimately understand where I’m at. I explained to some of them that while I love them all dearly, I couldn’t have a huge bridal party. They get it.

This said - one of my close friends who I didn’t ask, just got engaged this week herself. I’m wondering if she is going to ask me to be in her wedding. I’d love it if so but completely understand if not. I won’t be bringing it up in any event.

It is childish/ rude of people to expect to be bridesmaids or MOH when not asked. Adults should understand many people have none, and many 1 or 2. And may include some family. It is not an unlimited thing. Lots of people are spoiled, a amazing sense of entitlement. I am currently getting the silent treatment from a relatively new neighbor. We invited everyone on the street and several doors round the corner, to a party to meet this new couple, and one other, who mo ed in Aug and Sept. 32 for dinner, cocktails, etc.. And twice invited them ( 6 weeks apart) with 2 other different couples of local friends. Now she is in a snit, they I have invited other people over several times, and not them. We have 30 plus couples or families we invite over, dinner and cards or just social, usually 10-14 plus us. And I have 13 local family member households, and hubby has 3 brothers or sisters and their families within an hour. And Mrs Prima Fonns thinks they should be invited to every party, or we are being rude. I was tempted to buy her a pacifier for Christmas...

Edit : Mrs. Prima Donna