How Do you Break it to a Friend She's Not a Bridesmaid

Thats a tough one. there may not be a way of avoiding hurting her feelings if you already did ask her........

I did have a friend once tell me that she didnt want my feelings to be hurt because she would not be asking me to be a bridesmaid- she explained she would just be having her sisters and FSIL's ...which I totally understood and there were no hurt feelings what so ever and no awkwardness when discussing wedding plans. But she also hadn't told me 2 years prior that she would want to have me in her bridal party..

so if it is just your family and future family in the bridal party you could explain it that way- however if there are other friends included she may be really hurt.

Yeah, I know. To be fair we were being drunk girls when we said it to each other, neither one of us were engaged yet, and his brother wasn't married. I just remember how upset I was when I was in this situation and really don't want to hurt her. I have 4 that are family members or going to be family members and 3 friends that I've been friends with 5 years or more, one since middle school.

You don't tell someone they aren't a bridesmaid. But with 7 bridesmaids, why not have the 1 more, really, since it sounds like you'd like to have her. It's already a crazy number, what's one more.

Oh I know, I'm the first to admit, but I have a sister, he has two sisters, and a sister in law. The other 3 like I said, I've been close with for a very long time. But it's mainly been brought up because he has a group of 5 friends that have been inseparable since freshman year of college, and we both have brothers.

I just can't have any more because of costs really. We had talked about just family and one friend, but he just didn't think it was fair.

You said two years ago while you were drunk. Does that even count? Don't say anything unless she brings it up or you see a change in her. If you do then just say, are you mad because I didn't ask you? And the reason I didn't is because your planning your own wedding and I didn't want to add any more pressure.

Wait so are you still in her wedding? If so I would make it work to include her for your friendships sake... if not then take her to lunch and just tell her the truth, that your bridal party is really already large with all the family and fsl's you had to include and you want to make sure she knows that you value her as a friend and that you want her to join in on all the wedding fun -parties showers bachelorette etc as the two of you plan your weddings together. Maybe she won't remember / didn't take what the two of you had said 2 years back seriously either. I would at least approach the subject. Honesty is better than nothing at all, then you two can move forward and be excited about your big days together!

I think it would be different if you had had the conversation after being engaged, but I think she'll understand. It is nice of you to think about her feelings. Maybe ask her to take part in another way, that well you are acknowledging her friendship but aren't directly telling her she isn't a bridesmaid.

Actually I second what @MrsA2B said... if you are also not in her wedding...dont bother bringing it up. Im sure she didnt take the conversation as an actual commitment just tipsy girl talk.

Okay thanks so much :-) She hasn't asked me yet to be in hers, and because her's is sooner than mine, I'm thinking that's a sign. I see her in person in 2 days, and am just trying to be as polite as possible. I definitely want her at my shower and bachelorette and have let my other girls know.

I think the situation is different, because I told her tipsy out having a good time, rather than my friend who took me to dinner and then showed me dresses but then didn't ask me or didn't say anything till 2 years after the fact. I just remember how I felt and how it wasn't fun.

Yeah your other friend was pretty rude to drop you like that but it sounds like this is a different situation, good luck!