How do i tell my best friend that she's become a bridezilla?

That’s so crazy. In my opinion, I would not pay $1,500 per person to attend a wedding! That’s a little pricey..

No wedding of a friend's is worth spending $4000 per couple, and time off work that will limit your only vacation, to attend. It is ridiculous to move lots of people on both sides. Just say, I'm sorry. We would love to attend your wedding, but the choice of location, and the time and money required, are completely impossible. And don't think a thing about it. In usual cases like this, the couple is married and has a reception near one home base. Then the couple goes sometime time in the next few months, and has a reception only to celebrate the marriage near the other family base. There is no need for the two families to meet at the wedding. They will rarely or never see each other again, so why bring them together for the wedding. Foolish. And you are right, it is an over the top plan. Rather arrogant to assume that of course people will want to spend thousands to attend your wedding.

Just tell her that you would love to be there and will try to attend our wedding events if local but unfortunately you won't be able to attend hey wedding due to finances. You hope she understands. If she doesn't then she's not a real friend. Some Brides are so focused on their day they forget about everyone else. If you do a destination wedding expect people can't come and accept it.

My sister had a destination wedding. I had to fork out over $3,000 to go and I was in the wedding so that part isn’t cheap alone with dress shoes etc. I am still mad about how much I had to a spend to go to her wedding and it was over 3 years ago.

Weddings make people crazy! I'm sure she is trying to avoid facing that destination weddings require trade offs by putting this on you. I would not defend yourself, but just say that you and your husband talked and you just can't swing it. Then remind her that you love het. Then give her time and space and hope she comes around. I think she will realize it's a lot to ask after she gets over the initial disappointment, but if you try to argue with her, she will just continue to blame you for not trying hard enough (at least in my experience)

It is amazing how people can change as soon as they start planning a wedding. It’s like it brings out the crazy in everybody! A very close friend of mine had her wedding in her hometown, which was a little over 8 hours from me, on a Thursday night (meaning a total of 16 hours in the car, 3 days off work, plus a hotel room for 2 nights). And she chose a date right in the middle of a mandatory 8 week out of town training program for my work. Obviously I could not go. As much as I wanted to see my friend get married, I was not about to lose my job for it! I knew she was going to be disappointed, but I assume she would be understanding. Boy was I wrong! She was upset with me and expressed it passive aggressively right up until the day of her wedding. Then, after the wedding, she basically quit speaking to me. It completely ruined the dynamic of our relationship. I am still shocked at her behavior to this day. Unfortunately, you are going to have to explain to your friend that, as much as you really want to be there, you just cannot make the financial commitment to attend the wedding, and that you would like to have some sort of celebration when she returns (maybe a couples night out?). Hopefully she understands!

I'm so sorry.... We had a relative who did the same thing -- choosing to have her wedding 3000+ miles from 90% of the guests, in an area with only a small regional airport, and on a Friday night at the worst time of year for several close family members who are teachers or students.... She and her mother were LIVID when people declined because it was just TOO MUCH time & money. I didn't want to face their wrath, so I went without my immediate family, and spent over $2500 on a four-day weekend, that included more than 30 hours of transit time due to all the flight connections. Like a pp, I still resent it three years later (can you tell?? ). I agree completely that people can have whatever wedding they want, but they need to be understanding that not all their loved ones will be able to attend. (My biggest pet peeve on this forum is when people blindly respond with, "Do what you want, those who LOVE YOU WILL BE THERE!!!" You know what? They may not, so that's just bad advice!) I agree that you just tell her straight up that, unfortunately, due to the location, you cannot attend her wedding, but will be there in spirit and can't wait to see pictures. And, that's the last you talk about your decision with her. If she can't accept it, oh well. Good luck to you!

There were a couple of DWs we declined due to cost. My college friend invited us to Singapore, which sounds great cause we would have made it into a vacation, but it would have been over 5000$ for both of us. FHs cousin got married in a small town 4 hours from Denver. We decided not to go to this one cause we would be spending more time traveling than enjoying the wedding. A 2 hour flight and then another 4 hours in the car to get to the wedding?!


Honestly if your friend wants you to desperately be there she should offer to pay, if not the whole thing then part of your expenses. We are having a DW, and only immediate family. We are paying for everyone’s travel and accommodations. It’s pricey and it feels as if we are having a 150+ guest wedding, but we’ve talked about really wanting our families there and are both willing to shell the extra cash to make sure they make it. If your friend wants you too, she should do something similar to help out.

View Quoted Comment Yes, I hate seeing that advice. Always think, what are they, 13 years old? People who love you, when put in a position of taking off a semester from college so they can use $3000 from savings to go on a wedding trip, or not have the $5000 up front as their co-payment to deliver their baby because they go to a wedding of a relative who liver 100 miles away but wants to marry in Italy, will not choose your destination wedding, unless they are fools. Not everyone has unlimited time off from work, and people will not jeopardize a job, or not take a promotion, to be able to take 4 days off for your wedding. Most people need the money they earn. Do not think , those who really love me, will find a way. They often won't. I was so surprised, I laughed in the face of a very close friend, when she wanted me to change plans, and be her MOH in Paris, not in Montreal ( under 3 he drive from here). When I told her that she had known all along, the two days of my professional boards, she said, don't they give them again in six months or a year? Can't you wait, for me? You promised! I laughed and told her she was nuts, and walked away. Not going to fight about it. Right, I am graduating grad school, but I am willing to be unemployed in my field for the first 8 months until the exams come around again and my license is granted. And knowing I worked 20-40 hours a week through grad school so all but the last semester would not need loans, and was working to clear them by graduation, driving a car 19 years old with 250,000 miles on it, dead broke, I would love to spend not just the $150 clothes, $200 to give a shower, and a wedding gift $200-300. But I would love to spend $6000 more, borrowed at high interest. With no job to pay it off. Intelligent people should be able to figure out, that " if they love you, then they will come" Ain't Necessarily So ... And friends and family should not have to make huge sacrifices for your wedding .

A friend of mine had a destination wedding in Las Vegas. Between the flight, hotel, dress, missing work ect..it would have cost me well over a thousand dollars for a long weekend. I told her sorry I can't afford it. Then for her wedding gift I stayed at her house and watched her three dogs while she was gone. She understood and I think she was actually relieved that she knew her babies were spoiled while she was gone.

View Quoted Comment

Totally agree with this. Love how MOB suggests you approach with with your friend. If she can't accept it, she isn't truly a dear friend.

I've declined about 50% of DWs I've been invited too due to cost. That's the risk of a DW. Cost is also a big reason why we had a local reception in addition to a micro-DW. The costs of a DW were too much for us and many of our guests so we made our DW immediate family and a few friends (15 guests). It was an 8-hour drive or inexpensive 1-hour flight for guests. We negotiated a good rate at our wedding resort but because it was still expensive, we found less-expensive options nearby (and my family all rented an AirB&B). And my family hosted a welcome dinner which again helped guests by paying for an extra meal.

Thank you all!

When I got married (in my home city), we invited people from all around the world and totally didn’t expect any of them to come, but more so invited them as a courtesy / would genuinely loved them to come if they could. I was surprised when a few flew over for it!

I just don’t understand the logic. The best part is my BF thought I was demanding for having a wishing well instead of a registry, interesting how now it seems to be no big deal to uproot everyone for an expensive wedding in the middle of nowhere....

View Quoted Comment Funny how different the shoe looks on her foot.

View Quoted Comment

YUPP very accurate.

If she wants you to be in the wedding, you should tell her now you won't be able to attend but will gladly help her sort out plans if she wants. However, if you will only be a guest send back your regrets in the RSVP. If she decides to confront you or throws a fit, just tell her you are sorry and it just isn't possible for you. No need for drama and if she gets dramatic, step back for a while.

When I first got engaged, I was really hoping for a destination wedding. But we quickly realized that would mean a drastically reduced guest count and the risk of people we really wanted to be there not being able to swing it because of finances/time. So we are now planning a local wedding instead, and I am ultimately so glad we made that choice. It makes it much easier on your loved ones.

By the wording of your post, I imagine you've been pretty respectful and good at communicating with your friend thus far why you are not able to attend her wedding. I'd just stick to your guns, reemphasize the same points (its more expensive than we can afford, we are terrified of flying, its logistically quite challenging for us to coordinate) and let your friend know that you adore her and want to support her but cannot attend the wedding in person due to those factors.

I also suspect at this point she's got this grand plan in her head and will be sorely disappointed when many invited guests aren't able to attend. There might be a handful who can afford such an elaborate trip or may turn it into a vacation, but for a lot it just won't be possible. She's probably due for a rude awakening.

View Quoted Comment

LOL! I love the way you put that!