How do i tell a friend who thinks she is going to Bridesmaid that she isn't one?

If you can't just straight up tell her, have you considered making her a guest book attendant or other role to help soften the blow? It sounds like she wants to be involved with your wedding, so that may be a good middle ground.

If she is a really good singer or public speaker, you could ask her to sing or read a passage at the ceremony. Not sure I would want to change up my ceremony for a not bridesmaid level friend, just trying to think of ways you could still include her if you wanted to.

It sounds like you guys talk frequently and you said you are good friends- would it just be easier to ask her?
Obviously you want to pick only people you want, and it's perfectly okay if you don't want to pick her but if it's causing you stress (and possibly change your friendship with her) would an easier solution just be adding her?
If not, she may get the hint if it just never shows up. I think when she asked about the BM gift boxes would've been the perfect opportunity to casually say "yes, so glad I got that done" or something. She would then realize she was not asked and either chose to bring it up or not on her own. Perhaps if she asks again you could try this method- but have a plan in your head for if she puts you on the spot and does ask about it. Make sure you explain exactly why you didn't pick her but as gently as possible to save the friendship if she asks.
Hope this helps!

Why isn’t she going to be one if you don’t mind me asking. There’s really no easy way to tell someone that seems so sure of that, knowing it will hurt their feelings a little. The best thing to do it be honest with her and don’t keep leading her on.

Is there a specific reason why? I had this situation happen with a friend of mine and because of the way things unfolded it caused a great rift in our friendship. She kept asking and asking and we had to have a conversation. I was blunt and told her straight up why. I would say if she keeps asking have a conversation with her but if not then do not have the conversation. It may hurt her more than you think. She will eventually realize she is not in the wedding on her own. If she insists on having the conversation really think about what to say before hand and do it as delicately as possible.

I had to tell a few friends that I was having a small bridal party and they wouldn’t be in it. They were understanding. I was scared one of them would take it personal because I was a bridesmaid in her wedding and it wouldn’t be reciprocated. Our friendship has not been hurt because of this and I’m so thankful for that. I hope your friends are understanding.

Just say you are having a small wedding party. That you love her. Maybe she can do a reading?

Don’t leave her to figure it out on her own because she might be thinking about it every day, feeling anxious, and trying to think of bridesmaid type things like gathering info for your shower.

You could just tell her gently that you’re having a small bridal party. But give her a heads up before she finds out on social media or something

I had this same problem with my sister. I eventually compromised because my excuse fell through (I told her I wanted her to do the same thing as FH's sister, but then FH's sister couldn't come to the wedding anyway). Afterwards I regretted it. If someone is uncouth enough to be pushy about wanting to be a bridesmaid, there are probably other reasons why you should keep them at arm's length. For me, it constantly felt like my sister was trying to prove that we're closer than we are, and I didn't get to relax with my closest friends. I couldn't let my guard down because of her boundary-pushing and lack of social grace. I agree that it might be good to find her a "necessary" job that precludes her from being a bridesmaid (cough cough) and will allow you the space to enjoy your day with the people you choose.

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Aubrie- I love your idea of guest book attendant or even reception greeter!

Hope it goes well.

View Quoted Comment Rachel- I still think a conversation should be had, I like the suggestions above, about how you had to keep your wedding party a certain size. You could say that, but that you definitely wanted her included in your day bc her friendship is important to you, and ask about the attendant/greeter. Maybe pick a day to shop for her dress together and find one that coordinates with the wedding colors. Good luck!❤️

I end up telling two ladies that we decided to decrease the size of the wedding party which was true...

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No. Just no. Picture this. 'I don't like you enough to be bridesmaid, but here, do a chore watch the guest book and make people sign'. It's insulting and the suggestion to your friend will likely do more harm then just saying 'I'm sorry you aren't in the bridal party'.

If you initially weren’t going to ask her don’t do it! I had a bridesmaid that I had been close friends with at one time and we were still good friends but we live in different states and didn’t talk as much as we used to. She asked me straight up if she was a bridesmaid and said she’d be hurt if she wasn’t. I was so caught off guard I was like “of course you arrreee..!” Then she caused me a ton of stress wasted a lot of my money and dropped out and blocked me on all social media. She tried to come back after dropping out but I had already asked a girl I was a lot closer with who I wanted to be in the BP to begin with. I shot her down and now we aren’t friends. I say goooood riddens!

I agree with Valerie, it would be insulting to give her a task unless she offers all on her own without your prompting.

If she’s that close of a friend I would definitely set up and lunch and tell her that you really want her to be a part of your wedding but that in order to keep your BM and GM parties the same number you aren’t able to make her a bridesmaid. Personally I don’t care about the number but some people do 🤷‍♀️

View Quoted Comment I’m not the one who originally started this thread, but I’ll keep it mind for my own wedding.

View Quoted Comment Woops! This forum is so hard to keep track of on my phone. Sorry!

Just be honest! My bestie I grew up in another state with told me she was a little upset that I didn't make her my MOH but had to explain to her that she's in another state, (at the time) never available because she is doing work and school, etc. And she completely understood. As is, she will only make it a few days before the event and is really bad at responding to messages or planning to video chat

I have a whole post floating around about this! A friend asked me why she wasn't my MOH. I told her the truth. She isn't as active in my life as the girl that I did chose. She really didn't like that answer. She ended up not coming to the wedding and we don't really talk anymore. I was polite about it at first even though I thought it was extremely rude of her to ask to begin with. But the second time she brought it up and tried to make me feel bad about it, I was completely honest.

At the end of the day, I know I'm not in the wrong, so losing the friendship isn't that upsetting to me. But, my advice would be to just be honest and considerate of her feelings. Assumptions always get someone hurt.