How do I handle telling my dad he's not invited if it gets brought up?

Is wishy-washy and as I have stated before, wasn't that enthused or supportive to start with. I dunno why. But with how he's acted, I already wasn't having him walk me down the aisle so, it doesn't really bother me for him not to be there. It does...but not with how he acts. If he didn't act like a d-bag, then maybe. I know at some point it will get brought up and I will have to tell him that he's not invited, but how do I go about this? Do I just handle it how you would handle any other person who you have to tell it to? I just want to keep this intimate and it not turn into a big wedding.

Oh boy. I'm not sure there is a way to do this with no hurt feelings. Also, definitely do NOT invite one sibling without the others. All or nothing

So I know your question is in relation to your dad, but are you not close with your other siblings? I just find it odd that you wouldn't try to have them there for your special day.

I worry this will damage your relationship with your father permanently. I would think long and hard about whether you want him in your life after the wedding. I also would be pissed if my sibling didn't invite me but their fiance invited his/her siblings. Super pissed and super hurt.

Yeah, I feel the same way about the sibling ordeal. I would want them there, but I don't wanna invite some or one and not all. I'm only super close to my youngest baby brother. If I were to add them all and they didn't bring their kids, my dad and his wife, it'd add 8 more people to it. If they brought their kids, it'd add 12. FH only has 2 siblings so, that's easier to accommodate and one is officiating. My mom and Grams have always been there for me and my Grams is actually my step-grandma. But she's never treated me as such. I'm also not having a MOH or BMs because of numbers. However, I will try to have a girls' day or weekend trip. Something fun for my close friends and I to do together. No showers, no bach. party, registries or gifts..

I think your FH should not invite his siblings if you aren't going to. It would honestly take a LOOOONG time to forgive my brother if he pulled that on me. Your siblings can't help it that your parents had more kids...

ETA: Also if I found out that one of the fiance's siblings officiated... I would think "wow their siblings are so special that one of them got to be the officiant, and I didn't even get invited".

I just want to share my personal experience from the other side of this situation. My brother got married a couple of months after I did. They called it an elopement, but it was really just a private ceremony with his wife's mother, sister, and nephews there. I was personally offended. I was even more offended for my parents. IMHO it was a pretty shitty thing to do.

ETA: It made it more offensive that they TOLD us "She only wanted her family there." Great. Thanks alot. That makes it SO much better.

So out of the 10 people coming FH has 7 and you have 3... If I was your family I would be incredibly hurt your FH's mom's Finance is invited but your siblings are not doesn't add up to me.

The only advice I can give you is..... DONT do that to your family if you ever want a relationship with them in the future or better yet if you want your family not to resent your FH.

I think it's a bad decision to invite his siblings and not yours. 8 people is not that much in the grand scheme of things.

Don't invite on sibling without the other. BIL law did this (only invited half of the siblings and if hurt a lot of feelings). As far as dad, if you are with him not being there then it seems as if you are ok without having a relationship with him. If you are, then just tell him and be prepared for the relationship to be over.

If you never want to speak to these people again, go for it. If you want a relationship with ANY of them in the future, even if it's just one of them, then don't do this. You'll inadvertently pit them against one another.

I did something similar, but this person is dead to me. I look back at my pictures and video and I have no regrets that he wasn't there. I'm actually glad I don't have to see his face in photos or in my video.

Think long and hard before you do this. From the looks of it, you seem to want them there. If I were you, figure out a way to host them. Who knows - maybe they can't all attend. Not to mention, your wedding is well over a year away. You've got plenty of time to think about this before your guest list is locked in.

Can you refresh me on what exactly you dad has said and done in the past?

In terms of siblings, I agree. I do not think permanently damaging your relationships with your siblings is worth saving the money on not inviting 8-10 more people. And if you truly cannot afford more guests or don't want them there, I think you need to just elope.

This is not an easy situation. I agree with PP, I would be so hurt if my sister invited her husbands siblings to the wedding and not me.

While I think you need to do what's right for you, there's no way to do this and not hurt feelings and do serious damage to relationships. Only you fully know your own situation but if it were me, I would either elope alone with my fiance or invite all my siblings and my flaky/unsupportive father.

Invite all your siblings. Future relations can be damaged. 10 more people isn't that big of a deal. All or none as far as I'm concerned. Is your Step- Mom coming? If so, your dad had better be also.

I'd be so hurt if my brothers didn't invite me to their weddings, but i found out the bride's siblings were there. You are damaging your relationship with them for the sake of a budget - either rearrange funds or don't invite any siblings.

I get not wanting your dad there if the relationship is strained, but siblings I feel are non negotiable

This sounds like more than just your dad would be offended. I don't know how your mom and grandma could even be comfortable attending know that their posterity were not invited.

If you're set on doing this, there's no way to let anyone down easy. At this point it seems like you could just tell them all they're not invited just like you'd tell anyone else and blame it on your budget. If you're not close enough with them to invite them, you may as well treat your family like the random coworker who heard you were getting married, or any other person whose attendance you don't care about.

A proper elopement in this case where even immediate family is limited would be just parents for both. Or just your mom and grandma and his parents if you don't want your dad there.

We haven't set an exact guestlist yet. but I do see where you all are coming from about the sibling ordeal. we had originally planned for it to just be us two and the officiant and his wife, obviously. but then him and the officiant which is his brother, got to talking and he was telling FH that would really hurt his mom if he didn't invite her. That we needed to at least invite our mothers. him and his mom's relationship is kind of like mine and my dad's. I will explain on that later when I can get to the computer...about my dad. I honestly couldn't care less if he's there or not. the only time he really speaks to me is when he's not getting along with my brother. it's like he just has a relationship with one child of his at a time and it's always his way or no way. I don't plan on inviting my stepdad because, him and I have never had any kind of relationship except bad. Which I don't even think that he would come to be honest with you.

My dad basically didn't bother with us ever even though we all lived in the same house with him for 19 years. He up and took off without telling anyone, my mom found out when she saw all his stuff was gone when she came home from work one day. No surprise and didn't bother anyone. Well I played nice during the divorce to try and get information out of him (lawyers request) so I had him on facebook. Fast forward 6 years later (forgetting I have him on there because I hid his posts) he comments on my page saying "I can't wait to walk my oldest daughter down the isle, this is something I've been looking forward to" well I kindly responded with shove it up your ass you're not even getting invited and blocked all forms of communication with him. I had no problem telling him he wasn't invited and I had no problem telling other people (basically his side of the family) they are also not welcome at my wedding.

Honestly just flat out tell him he's not invited and call it a day.

So if your mom and stepdad are married still, he needs to be invited.

If you don't have a relationship with your dad, then don't invite him (maybe this is a UO, but I don't really think you have to invite your dad.)

If you want a true elopement, no one gets invited.

My stepdad and I do not and never have had a relationship. I apologized a year or so ago for being a shitty teenager, accepting my wrongs and he still hasn't made an effort. I really don't think he likes me and has never took interest in anything about me. This is why I'd rather not invite him. He doesn't care.

@Katie, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. As much as I don't wanna be blunt, I'm sure that's how it'll have to be. My fiancé will be there for me though. I don't plan on bringing it up until he does though.

I'm going to invite my siblings.

At the end of the day, this all just makes me wanna throw up and truly elope!