How do i handle explaining the no kids policy at my wedding?

We are also not inviting kids to our wedding, with the exception of my nieces who are our flower girls. We have told our guests early on that kids would not be invited for many reasons and exceptions would not be made. We've told people that this is because if we invite one, we'd have to invite all, for us is at least 25 kids, who wants 25 kids at their wedding? Especially now, capacity is limited. Not to mention the disruptions throughout the night. Most guests understand why without having to be told and actually don't mind finding a sitter for a few hours. I think if you keep it short and to the point will be your best route. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

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Thank you for your response! Its nice to hear I don't them anything. Even for my 30 person wedding if I made an exception for an older child there would be 15 children added to my guest list because one family has 7 kids, another has 5 and another has 3 its a lot. Thank you for giving me some confidence in my decision making!

I would tell these people something to stress that this is beyond your control – i.e. “Unfortunately while we wish we could accommodate your request, there is a very strict capacity which we cannot go over and as a result we needed to make this tough decision to not have children included. We wish we could be more accommodating but our hands are tied in this one”.

Be prepared though, some people will still push for an exception so stand firm and remind them “we can’t make any exceptions as it wouldn’t be fair to others, and like I said, our hands are tied”.

The easiest to understand and most respected usually is that the company made the rule, and you will not void all insurance by not respecting it. Harder is when people think it is some policy of yours that they can cleverly get around.
The answer is still no.

You should not feel bad at all about your decision. The venue you picked has the limits and obviously you can love your friends’ and families’ kids and still not want them at your wedding anyway. 30 is a small list of people and it would be so unfair to make exceptions for some kids and leave out older family that would appreciate the event more. I would just kindly explain again that it’s not your choice and there’s not really anything you can do about it, and even if you just made that decision on you’re own it’s still your wedding and they should respect your wishes without making you feel bad about it. I wouldn’t make any exceptions for anyone and just tell them the decision is final.

I agree you shouldn't feel bad for this and you family and friends are in the wrong for making you feel horrible about it. No means no and people need to learn to respect that. Me personal I'd probably just tell people that are questioning this to reread the invitation and leave it at that. You should just tell them again that it's this way because of the venue.

First off, don’t feel bad about it at all. Secondly, I think you should just tell them exactly what you told us. That the house you’re renting has a very strict limit and you have to keep it at x amount of people. I will never understand why people want to bring their kids to weddings. The kids don’t want to be there and they are unpredictable

Don't feel bad at all. Also, I think making sure you keep it consistent to no kids definitely makes it easier. Like you said, if you let one "older" kid come, then it opens the door to more. Hold your ground!

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Plus people trying to push for kids at weddings is a new thing. People inviting kids is also new. My mom said back in the day no bride ever had to clearly state no kids. A wedding was a place all parents knew wasn't meant for children to be at. The only kids at the wedding back then were the ones in the wedding. She said that back then parents did not want their kids at the wedding as well because it was there time to have a romantic evening with their spouse without having to worry about kids.

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Totally agree with this!!

We are having an adults only wedding. Even if you like kids, they are work and require attention. I love my dog and he's very well behaved, but I don't bring him with me everywhere I go because when he is with me I need to put his needs and safety first, always. Whenever I have gone to weddings with kids, their parents or grandparents spend the majority of the time tending to the kids, not enjoying the company of other adults. Kids dressed up in cute outfits also tend to be the center of attention, and its absolutely appropriate for YOU the couple to want to be front and center on your big day.

You really shouldn't need to explain why you are having a no kids wedding. If you feel the need to do so, explain you are having a small, intimate event and want all of the adults there to be free to enjoy themselves without being "mom" or "dad" first. If you want your own children one day or soon, this may be one of the last few "kid free" celebrations in your future.

For what its worth all of our guests who are parents had no problem at all with us having an adults only event and were looking forward to having a kid free date night. We even have a couple that will have a newborn (less than 6 weeks old) who asked about having him at our wedding; they were willing to have someone look after their baby for a few hours so they could join us and respect our "no children" wishes (for the record, we totally support them bringing their baby and doing whatever they feel most comfortable with; IMO newborns should be an exception to "no kids" rules).

Not to sound like a broken record, but you should emphasize that between COVID restrictions and the VRBO policy, it absolutely must be a small ceremony, and you can't make exceptions. You shouldn't have to explain why you're having a no-kids wedding; no one should for that matter. We are planning on one ourselves, and the only remote "pushback" we had was that my sister, who is one of my bridesmaids and a mother of three, was a bit confused when she saw "adults only" on our original invitation. The only kids we're allowing are immediate family, and most of them are in the wedding, anyway. As a friend of mine, who's one of my other bridesmaids, told me in explaining her own no-kids wedding, in the long run, wedding ceremonies really aren't that fun for kids, especially little ones. Nobody wants to be the parent with the baby who cries during the vows, or who has to get up and walk out because either a kid is acting up, or they have to go to the bathroom. It's troublesome enough to see it in movie theaters when the movie is clearly not one for kids. Plus even the most devoted and loving parents out there deserve a break for just one night or weekend. The thing to remember above all else is that this is YOUR wedding. If people don't like the no-kids policy, and/or they absolutely can't get a sitter, then they're the ones who'll have to move things around, not you. You don't owe the guests anything.

I will never understand why people put up such a fuss about their kids not being invited to a wedding. It's really not a place for children to begin with in most cases because they get bored and start acting up out of boredom. Plus, you'd think the parents want to enjoy the night. Anyways...

I would say as everyone else has suggested, you have a strict limit and no exceptions will be made because if you have to make an exception for one person, you have to make the same exception for all and then you are way over your limit. We are having a similar issue right now. We decided a few months ago to not have kids because right now we have about 9 children between the ages of 1 and 5 in our family and those ages just do not behave well when they have to sit still and be quiet. Then I had a friend who told me she was pregnant and due in August, so originally we said she could bring her infant. WELL, since then, we've had 5 people announce their pregnancies and all of them are due right before our wedding, from August-November. So now we'd have to include 6 infants at our wedding. So we decided that while it's against what most people might say, we are not making any exceptions for any children under the age of 16 no matter what (my youngest "old" cousin is 16). You just have to be honest and not allow anyone to make you feel bad or push you around about this.

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I really appreciate your response, thank you very much for your insight! We have only one baby due in July, a month before the wedding so I did make the exception only with infants because they can stay in their parents lap or if they need to sleep there is a room with a baby crib in the rental house.

Thank you for all your responses everyone! I can't really reply to everyone but thank you for letting me feel a whole lot better about making that decision and sticking to it! Hope you all have an awesome day!

View Quoted Comment We wish you the best of luck!