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Savvy April 2021

How do i end the drama?

NM&GD, on December 30, 2019 at 11:01 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10

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Ugh where do I start. I have a select few bridesmaids. I made a FB message group to go ahead and introduce and share ideas. Today I go dress shopping and 3 out of the 4 were supposed to go and now I am down to 1. The issue is one of the girls that was supposed to come I formed the day around her so she could go. I had advised this in the group. Then one of my bridesmaids said this:

Good evening everyone,
So I'm kind of confused as to why I'm the only one showing up tomorrow (even though I'd be much happier 😜...anxiety sucks).
Gwen already went dress shopping by herself, for the first time, a few weeks ago. She deserves to have all of us supporting her and physically being there for her during this exciting chapter in her life.
To my understanding tomorrow is her only scheduled day off (which she could be doing other relaxing things) as well as she picked a date that someone else had suggested, to ensure that she'd have a few ladies with her.
She's already been hurt and disappointed by some family not giving her the support and encouragement she so desparetly deserves.
I understand life happens, and we're still a year out, but I urge all of you to come tomorrow, if at all possible! 🙃
The reply was the girl has a 10 month old and cant just drop everything even though I legitimately fit the day around her because this was the only day she could go. She then turns around to say sorry not sorry I just dont feel like it. Then ended up bashing me on a facebook post. I'm not sure what to say or do because i am beyond frustrated because this is the 2nd time she has left me hanging on dress shopping when it was HER that said she could get off. My fiance says don't feed into it you want to try to salvage the friendship, but is it really a friendship if they end up bashing you? What do I do

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Allyson, on December 30, 2019 at 3:32 PM

Expert August 2020
Sarah · on December 30, 2019 at 11:11 AM
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This is petty but I’d say “to be honest, I don’t feel like having you as a bridesmaid anymore. Sorry, not sorry” 😬
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on December 30, 2019 at 11:18 AM
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I get being disappointed that you scheduled the day around one person and they aren’t coming, but it isn’t required for people to dress shop with you. It was honestly ridiculous for your bridesmaid to call everyone out in a group text about not going. All of this was unnecessary drama because you chose not to just let it be when they told you they couldn’t make it.
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Savvy April 2021
NM&GD · on December 30, 2019 at 11:32 AM
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First off, I never said anything to her. So I am not the one causing the issue. Second, I worked this appointment around her because she wanted to go and then just eh didnt feel like it when I cancelled plans to do this. Thirdly, if they make it an issue that "oh i am never able to go" then bail the moment they can, how is that my problem? I have been the adult here by not saying anything. I said you do what you have to do and said no worries but SHE continued to cause drama. So, please advise me where this is my fault.
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Devoted March 2021
Emma · on December 30, 2019 at 11:54 AM
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I would agree with your fiancé. Don't feed into it, whether you intend to keep the friendship or not, it doesn't sound like she is worth whatever stress would come from that. In my opinion, what needed to be said to the group was said, thanks to your bridesmaid stepping in (which honestly props to her for recognizing that you needed support and reaching out to the group).
Ultimately, its up to you and what feels like the best move for you. From what you've said here, if I were in this situation I would take the concerns with the one bridesmaid directly to her and just talk it out. I would just mention that this was scheduled with her in mind and that you really wanted her to be a part of it but if she cant make the commitment then you understand and still want her there on the big day. I would also mention that you were hurt because it felt like you were being bashed on fb over this.
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Expert October 2021
Megan · on December 30, 2019 at 12:19 PM
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This is all so insanely petty. It was rude as all hell for the one bridesmaid to send that out to the others--not even remotely her place. I'm assuming the bridesmaid with the 10-month-old believed you asked her to write something like that, even if you didn't, and is understandably pissed. A 10-month-old is unpredictable and obviously a big responsibility. It was petty af for her to make a FB post "bashing you" (how old is everyone here??) but I'm assuming her turning it into a "I just don't feel like coming" was probably to spite the original bridesmaid/maybe you for calling her out like that.

Tell bridesmaid 1 that her post was inappropriate and unnecessary. Explain the situation in private to bridesmaid 2. Keep any wedding dress appointments entirely optional for everyone and don't plan around people. Honestly, from experience, the whole dress shopping appointment can be far more magical (and timely!) if you're there by yourself or with just one other person.
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Dedicated March 2020
Sylessia · on December 30, 2019 at 12:38 PM
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No real friend would do that to you. I wouldn’t want her to be apart of my wedding and honestly you shouldn’t either.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on December 30, 2019 at 1:01 PM
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I agree w some of the other posters that although the bridesmaid that posted meant well but as one of the other bridesmaids I would have been pissed if someone came at me like that. I think maybe tell her thanks but in the future maybe don't approach things that way because you want the ladies to get along. In regards to your friend that blasted you on fbook I would explain your side to her and let her say her side and ask why she blasted you on fbook. If she apologizes then shake it off and move on. If not, then that's not your friend and you deside if you want her as a bridesmaid. Maybe have all the girls over for wine and appetizers to clear the air and make peace?
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Super February 2020
Andrea · on December 30, 2019 at 1:06 PM
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I can’t imagine what it’s like to have a kid, and at the same time helping someone with a wedding. I like to try to be the better person to think about what’s going on in the other persons life, why did they do it, why did they flake. Understandably she has a baby so it’s probably more difficult for her already.

That being said, if she truly were a friend and knew you she would have also tried to get a nanny or have her husband take care of the baby while she could spend a couple of hours out with you. To me she sounds like someone who isn’t willing to work on the friendship. You made the appointment around her and she’s treating you this way...
I think you should have a conversation with her and ask her if she prefers to be a guest. Bashing you on social media sounds like a petty and childish person.
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Champion November 2016
LB · on December 30, 2019 at 1:41 PM
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The person you should be mad at is the BM that sent that out, not the BM that missed the appt.
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Devoted February 2020
Allyson · on December 30, 2019 at 3:32 PM
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Your friends should want to be there and support you, so I disagree with those backing up the person who bailed on you. If you took the time and effort to move everything and make it so she could go, I think that she is in the wrong for doing that to you. She knew she had a kid when she initially agreed to go with you on that day, and unless some extreme circumstances came up, she should have been there for you. I think it’s definitely stirring the pot for the one bridesmaid to call the others out and hurt feelings are expected, but I can see that she was trying to be a good friend by supporting you. It is just a messy dramatic situation but it’s not your fault.
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