How do i decline my Fil's offer to contribute to the wedding?

I personally would just stick with what you have for flowers, since it now sounds like you can get what you would like.

For the RD, if it was important for them to "shine" as hosts, they would have allocated the money that way instead of towards the flowers. Just let them host the RD how they would like. As long as they are providing food and alcohol for everyone, I don't see how it could be that bad. What are you worried about specifically re: the rehearsal dinner?

Don’t got behind their backs. They have no right to strong arm you into florals or to limit your vision. Even doubling the budget doesn’t seem to get you where you want to be. I imagine a black tie extravaganza with limited florals because of the MOG’s pride, nah. Have your FH sit them down. I also wouldn’t count on them reallocating the money towards the dinner, which is fine.

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I think you have great points. I'm just worried that we put them in an awkward spot because they didn't realize the flowers would take away so much of their funds from the RD, and now they're stuck choosing a much cheaper venue for the RD than what they originally wanted. You're right though, the RD is going to be great either way. They're having an open bar, and chose a restaurant they're familiar with (I HATE the food: korean/cajun fusion), but it's their choice and a place they love. As long as they're happy with it, it doesn't really matter.

View Quoted Comment Haha I would never think to combine Korean/Cajun flavors but should be interesting. They chose to reallocate the funds that way (and to contribute in the first place when they knew they didn't have to) so I wouldn't worry about it.

I think having your dad pay for the flowers without hurting your FILs feelings is impossible. I think you need to do one of the other - get the flowers you want, or keep FILs happy.

View Quoted Comment Well they seem kind of weird in general, it's odd to me to say the bride can only spend X amount on flowers. I think it's very generous they contributed but it's pretty controlling to say her family, the actual hosts, can't add on.

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M. Hand, we already tried to communicate this to her. She was understanding and said she would look at alternatives (we gave her a list of 10 that were in her price range), she told my fiance Christmas Eve that her mind was made up, and they were still going to go with the original restaurant, because it's her favorite and they could get a good price. He had to break the news to me because she didn't want to tell me.

I understand you don't want them to stress financially but they're adults and capable of making financial decisions themselves. If they're fine using some of the RD budget to increase the flowers budget so that it comes close to matching your vision, then I think the best way to approach this is to graciously accept and thank them for their generosity.

Don't go behind their backs and subsidize some of the cost for flowers. That would make things worse if they found out.

View Quoted Comment Yes, I think that's bizarre! Although it's generous of them to host, I'd be kind of annoyed as the bride if I couldn't eat anything at my RD. OP is it too late to change the restaurant?
Regarding the original question, I agree that it wouldn't be a good idea to sneak behind their backs. Just work within their budget, even simple flower arrangements can be beautiful.

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No way they'll change the restaurant now. I voiced my distaste over it and they're not budging.

They seem pretty controlling IMO, it's a good thing they only have control of the flowers. I don't get agreeing to help out and then telling you where/what you can spend the money on. If it were me offering to help I would just say here is how much I can contribute, spend it where you need it. My FIL's are trying to dictate as well. They wanted to pay for the bar but now they are trying to tell us what kind of bar we can have (open for cocktail hour only ). FH is telling them we appreciate the offer, but to save their money. I am DREADING talking to them about the RD.

If its the venue of your dreams and from what you have described everything is grand... ur wedding wont be a failure if u have a little less flowers.... Your MIL is really trying hard, even doubled what they could pay... not enough for you? Would it really take away that much from your day if u dont have more flowers? Is it worth hurting the feelings of a woman who raised ur future husband? I dont know. I hope it works out!

I know this is totally not the point, but Korean/Cajun fusion (wtf is that even?) for an RD?! These people sound like a trip...

Sounds like your FMIL is both stubborn and inconsiderate. Are you sure your FH is strong enough to stand up to her and make it stick? If not, you're looking at decades of trouble.

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Ditto! Great idea if they can't make the budget work for what you were looking for.