How do i decline my Fil's offer to contribute to the wedding?

Can your parents host the RD too instead of inputting on this flowers thing?

IMO, It's too late for that.

I like AnonPoster's idea. If that won't work, I think you may need to cut back on your flowers.

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The FIL's said it's their responsibility to host the rehearsal dinner, and won't allow any contribution or input from my side of the family. We tried to give input on location and it wasn't well received.

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What if my dad put in money for the flowers behind their back? He thinks he could go to the florist directly, and pay for a good portion of the bill, so when they get invoiced later, it's much closer to their original budget. The florist could just say that she used cheaper flowers/cut her costs to give us a good price. His parents never need to know the truth.

I don't think lying to your FILs is a good idea. Much less asking one of your vendors to lie to them as well.

Maybe you should have respected their budget on flowers, and found a way to work with it.

What does FH say? He should really be handling much of this since it's his parents.

I think trying to be sneaky with this is a bad idea. There are too many ways for it to go wrong an have your FILs feeling hurt, betrayed, and insulted. Since you already agreed to let them pay for the flowers, I think you need to follow through on that. Maybe try that suggestion of taking the rehearsal dinner off their plate, but be prepared for pride to get in the way there as well. Definitely have your FS handle that conversation though, not you.

View Quoted Comment I agree. Let them help and work in their budget range. Flowers die. There are way better things to spend money on.

View Quoted Comment I would do that . Ijs

I personally wouldnt do any sneaking around or lying about the bill. Its extremely nice of her to offer to pay but I don't think she would offer to pay for something she couldn't pay for if that makes sense. Does she just want to contribute what she can for the flowers? Maybe she wants to pay for something else that is a bit less expensive?

No lying no sneaking. However, I think if you can sit down with her and explain your vision and what the budget for that is, maybe she will allow you to contribute to get to your vision. Or be willing to reallocate her contribution to another cost. I think it’s gonna be a hard convo but I understand that you cannot Mix low budget flowers with a black tie affair.

Plans change. Just speak up and put a stop to it. Tell her that appreciate her offer, her generosity, but it is just getting stressful. Let her know that you are going back to the more traditional guidelines, and that the wedding planner and your family will finalize the flowers. This way, she can focus on the RD. Allow her to plan it according to her tastes and budget, and be gracious. She may have meant well with her offer to pay for the flowers, but it's not working out for either of you. Your relationship will be stronger and better if you are kind and direct.

Your FH just needs to be direct. I wouldn't sneak around and I see no reason for you to cut your flower budget. I would go back to the florist find out what you want costs and just pay the difference up front. I would be tempted to just pay for everything and give her deposit back. She is really in no place to tell you that you can't pay for your own flowers. It's ok to be firm and say this is what you two want.

Could they maybe just cover the cost of the personal flowers? (Bouquets, bouts, corsages)

Then have your parents cover the centerpieces and others flowers, since that's decoration for the venue?

Ah, yes -- the ol' bait and switch. What a great way to start off with your new family.

You need to decide if your "vision" is that important to you. If so, then you should have declined the offer despite MIL's insistence. Sneaking behind her back is basically saying that her gift isn't good enough, and it throws in her face that your parents have more money than her.

I should give more info. When my future MIL doubled her original budget, she simply reallocated money she had put aside for the rehearsal dinner, without informing me. The updated budget my future MIL gave is enough to make the venue look great, and come close enough to what I envisioned, even if I have to make a few sacrifices. I'm fine with doing so, but didn't realize that this budget would cause them financial stress as they wouldn't be able to put as much toward their rehearsal dinner (which is really their time to shine as hosts). I think that's where I need advice. My dad was very upset to find out they're paying for the flowers, and that it's going to cost them so much. He was under the impression he was paying for the whole wedding, I guess my mom never informed him until yesterday. It's not that we don't want to accept their gift, but we want to remove some of that financial burden for them, without hurting their pride. This would allow them to use the money on the rehearsal dinner, where they're going to get credit and be able to shine in front of our guests.

I wouldn't go behind your FIL's back. However, perhaps you can supplement your decor with something else besides flowers like greenery or succulents (technically not flowers)? Maybe alternate flower centerpieces with other centerpieces (ex. Lanterns). Talk to your florist and planner/coordinator for ideas.

I agree with previous posters, dishonesty is the not way to go about this.

it seems like you have 2 choices. Either change your plan for flowers to something they can afford, or sit them down and have a conversation to tell them that while you are grateful for their generosity, their financial gift may be better either focused on the rehearsal dinner or towards some other option.