How do i become closer to my sister in laws?

Oh no. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Perhaps you could share with them that you would like to hang out with them. Maybe start off as occasionally, not often.

View Quoted Comment I guess I am terrified of being vulnerable putting my feelings out there to them and fear of rejection. Like if I did and they don’t really change I would be sad.

Sending hugs! It sucks feeling like you're being left out of get togethers, especially when they're family. Do you all live close to one another? Is it possible that the other ladies in the family live closer together making it easier to meet up?

I get being afraid to express your feelings, I'm the same way. I hate putting myself out there for fear of being rejected or not hearing what I wanted to hear. It's still important to express yourself though, especially since this is family, and you clearly want a close relationship with them. Maybe let them know that you would like to be included in these get togethers, and ask if there was something you did to warrant your exclusion. Sometimes others take what we say/do differently than we would, and they won't make you aware of that. Maybe there's a misunderstanding somewhere?

Hoping you get included more!

I know how you feel. My FH has 3 sisters and while they are extremely welcoming and sweet to me, they also do get togethers that I’m not invited to and sometimes I feel left out as well. Is there one that you feel closer to and more comfortable talking to? If so, I’d start with her. Say that you’d really like to be close with them and want to do things with them and see that they do all kinds of fun stuff together and you’d love to be part of it. You could always ask what you could plan that they would enjoy as well to show you’re putting in an effort (I know you said you’ve invited them out before, but I mean throw it to them...say what would be something you guys would like to do? And volunteer to plan it). One of the things I did was I’d mention that I’d really like to do something that they did in the past. That’s really helped because I found that they didn’t know I was interested in that kind of thing and didn’t really reach out to my FH’s ex girlfriend because she didn’t want to be a part of things, so they kind of just forgot that I might be interested. Best of luck, I hope things turn around!

I have a similar problem with my future sister-in-law. I've found the best way to bond is to either invite them to do something that they enjoy or to do something as a group with your husband and and his siblings. For example, my future sister-in-law loves antiques, so if there's a new antique shop in town then I'll invite her to go with me to check it out. I know these situations are always sticky, but I hope that helps!

Relationships take time and effort to build and families can be difficult for outsiders to "break into". Weddings don't automatically make close bonds where none existed before.

COVID is temporarily making this harder, so I try to relax your expectations of how and how fast this happens. But I would just keep showing up, keep making the effort, keeping doing the work. Try not to feel jealousy or resentment (or at least don't let it show!) but just accept that those other relationships you are envying were established before you came along and the closeness of them doesn't say anything about you as a person.

I come from a close-knit, loud, boisterous family that can be difficult for outsiders to fit into. All of my 4 siblings and myself are married and each spouse has had varying levels of success in becoming fully integrated (ditto with previous relationships). From my experience and observations, it depends on how the newcomer acts. My husband, my sisters' husbands, and one brother's wife have all managed to fit in well and become real members of the family. My other brother's wife has not tried *at all* and therefore, she still sits on the outside. Maybe that's how she wants it, maybe she doesn't care, or maybe she writes message boards complaining about us. There's no way to know because she is very difficult to have any sort of conversation with.

Anyway, all of that is to say that this is a marathon not a sprint. Hang in there and keep trying. Enlist your husband for help and advice.

View Quoted Comment I would say we all live about 20 minutes from eachother.

View Quoted Comment Thanks! Surprisingly my brother’s ex gf mentioned that she felt like none of us tried to get to know her. I had no idea she felt that way and to be honest, we don’t really even have girls nights with my sisters but I did invite her to get ready with my on my wedding and all that. I guess point is, maybe I should try harder and hint at it. Cuz with my bro’s ex I had no idea she even was interested in us hanging out at all.

View Quoted Comment My problem is I’m not a planner, I’m usually invited to things lol. So maybe I should try initiating more often than what I think to see what happens.

View Quoted Comment Thank you.

View Quoted Comment

Gotcha, well that throws out my theory of distance being the issue. Like I mentioned, think you should speak to the other ladies in the family. Although it can be scary to put yourself out there, it's important that your SIL's know that you're feeling excluded, and would like to have a closer relationship with them.

Best of luck!

Invite out individual sisters. And do not rotate turns. Pick one, do a few things together, hope at some point she will start suggesting thongs. When you start with a second one, still continue to do things, separately, with the first. At some point, they will ask you to join the group. Or they might want to keep that as a regular sister thing for a lifetime.
But if friends with 1, or two and half a year or a year goes by, start another. Or leave it to them. After a year or two, they might still want you as an individual friend, occasionally with 1 or 2 others. They may not want any more group night out, or with a bigger group
As long as you are seen and welcomed in a group when all family are there, or Hubby and you are with them all, it is fine. An important thing: you think of a group, your SIL. But they do not feel like representatives of their family. Or a group. With you, each is an individual person, that is very important. ...One reason none of my 4 sisters and I, or my mom and her four sisters, only had a maximum of 1 relative in our wedding parties, or none, is because choosing between them, pick 2, pick 3, who are you leaving out? Pick all, and ,2-3 cousins or friends, any group of at least 4 sister or more is a closed group, and an automatic majority opinion on everything. Because we know and love the bride best. It would not have been fair to a friend.I had my great aunt, grammy's 15 year younger sister, only 12 years older than my Daddy. My godmother. And 3 friends.

Plan a get together and invite them so you can get to know them. Know that it won't happen overnight but don't give up making the first move.

You can't make anyone get closer to you unless they want to be.

Which *sucks*.

My SIL has been behaving like a brat about DH and me for ... oh, our entire relationship. To the point where I've talked about it with my therapist, her mother got mad at her during wedding planning (she was a groomswoman, and.... let's just say the rest of the BP found her behavior bad enough to *complain about to me*), and even DH and I have had multiple talks about her.

I've put the ball in her court more times than I can count, and now I just *don't care*. It's on her. (And if she wants a relationship with any niblings we may provide, she's gonna have to up her game. She's the only blood aunt they'll get, but I have *high standards* for that role.)

I'm polite, I'm kind, but I honestly don't CARE what she thinks about me, and I have choice words for her insistence that her family remain a family of 4 forever: "reality has other ideas". (Less WW friendly, though.)

One caveat I will extend to her - I'm nearly 10 years older than her, and sometimes I wonder if that intimidates her.

As for your SILs... your DH could maybe quietly say something to them?

But... they have established relationships and may have trouble jolting out of that routine. If you see them hanging out, go call your MIL and hang out with her!

I’m sorry to hear this but can definitely relate. My fiancé and I have been together 6 years and his sister and I have never hung together if it didn’t involve him or some larger family event. I don’t have any connection to her, we’re very friendly but that’s the extent of the relationship. If you desire to be closer to them but don’t feel included, you can always reach out to them they know you’d like to hang out more often. If it’s not received then you did your part. You can’t force what’s not there but it’s definitely worth a shot, particularly if the feeling is mutual. Goodluck !

Hey girly. I feel you on this with my SILs. At first it stung. But then I realized they tend to cause trouble in their own ways and I've been happier being away from them. I keep an arm's length distance with them. I stopped reaching out and decided they know how to contact me. They don't ever really talk to my husband either. It's honestly nice keeping strong boundaries with them and just moving on from it. I don't need flaky people (people who are in/out of our lives) or the dramatics.