How do I ask my FH's family to chip in?

I don't really know how to ask for money, but my family is the same. My parents are paying for everything, FH has already said his family will not chip in anything and we are not even going to ask. My family is not so concerned about it b/c I have had this discussion with my dad before, so its not really a concern at all. It is a sensitive subject and I don't know that there is an easy way to approach his family and see if they will chip in. I am sorry this is hard for you, maybe your FH could feel out his parents in this situation for their thoughts.

If the groom paid for the engagement ring, and the honeymoon, traditionally his family would be covering the rehearsal dinner. Are they not doing that?

The bride's family traditionally covers the wedding. I wouldn't bring it up to them, but ask your fiance to do so. He could ask if they can pitch in, but I wouldn't categorize them as cheap just because they aren't pitching in for the wedding. They could be traditionalists who follow the standard etiquette of wedding rules.

I am in the same boat. My parents, FS and I are paying for everything. His parents haven't even offered to help one bit (but they sure do complain a lot about things).

I am not sure how to bring it up to them but maybe it is something that your FS should do since he knows his family best

My FH Is very non-confrontational so i'm trying to get him to test the waters in his own round-about way. They offered us some marriott points for our honeymoon, which personally I stay at marriotts when i work, i dont have any interest in staying in one for my HM! I don't want to offend them, and i'm really enjoying all the planning. They are paying for the rehersal dinner, but I have NO input into where they are choosing, which again makes me nervous...

Traditional Breakdown of Expenses

Wedding Gown, Headpiece & Accessories

The Bride's Family

Wedding Ring for Bride

The Groom

Wedding Ring for Groom

The Bride

Wedding Gift for Groom

The Bride

Wedding Gift for Bride

The Groom

Bridesmaid Gifts

The Bride

Groomsmen/Usher Gifts

The Groom

Bride's Bouquet

The Groom

Bridesmaid Bouquets

The Bride's Family

Mother's Corsages

The Groom

Grandmother Corsages

The Bride's Family

Groom's Boutonniere

The Groom

Groomsmen Boutonnieres

The Groom

Usher's Boutonnieres

The Groom

Ceremony/Reception Flowers

The Bride's Family

Altar Baskets/Arches

The Bride's Family

Canopy/Carpet

The Bride's Family

Kneeling Bench/Candleabrahs

The Bride's Family

Rented Items for Wedding

The Bride's Family

Rented Items for Reception

The Bride's Family

Invitations/Anno

Rented Items for Reception

The Bride's Family

Invitations/Announcements

The Bride's Family

Wedding Programs

The Bride's Family

Napkins/Matches/Printed Items

The Bride's Family

Marriage License

The Groom

Medical Visit for Bride

The Bride

Medical Visit for Groom

The Groom

Church Fee

The Bride's Family

Clergyman/Officiant Fee

The Groom

Musician/Soloist

The Bride's Family

Church Janitor

The Bride's Family

Reception Hall Fee

The Bride's Family

Catered Reception/Professional Services

The Bride's Family

Wedding Photography

The Bride's Family

Video Photography

The Bride's Family

Orchestra/Band/DJ

The Bride's Family

Wedding Cake

The Bride's Family

Wedding Favors

The Bride's Family

Groom's Cake

The Groom's Family

Rice Bags

The Bride's Family

Rehearsal Dinner

The Grooms Family

Bridesmaid Luncheon

The Bride

Bachelor Party

Best Man/Groom's Attendants

Wedding Breakfast

The Bride's Family

Bridal Brunch

The Bride's Family

Bridesmaid's Gowns

Bridesmaid's

Maid of Honor Gown

Maid of Honor

Matron of Honor Gown

Matron of Honor

Best Man Formal Wear

Best Man

Usher's Formal Wear

Ushers

Groomsmen's Formal Wear

Groomsmen

Gloves/Ties/Ascots for Attendants

The Groom

Father of Bride Formal Wear

Bride's Family

Father of Groom Formal Wear

Groom's Family

Children's Formal Wear

The Children's Parents

Limousine Service

The Groom

Honeymoon Arrangements

The Groom

Travel Expenses to the Wedding

The Out-of-town Attendant or Family Member

Accommodations for out-of town Guests

The Bride

Gifts for the Couple

Guest, Attendants and Family

Print the list and show it to your FS, then the ball is in his court.... At least till you put the list in your wedding binder and happen to show your FMIL your wedding binder.You can't really push him or otherwise it has the potental to cause a whole lot of strife. Him resentful that your pushing and you resentful that his family isn't helping.

I would see what happens when your fiance tests the waters. I agree with Ashley D that I wouldn't consider them cheap because they haven't offered. They may just not have thought about it because it is usually the bride's family that pays. My fiance's parents offered to chip in, which is great, but I kind of don't want to take them up on it because I don't want to have to listen to their wedding opinions too (as bridezilla as that sounds).

Oy. You DON'T! It's not ok to ask anyone else to pay for your wedding. There are "traditional" items that the groom's family usually pays for, but that is IF they offer. Regardless, its NOT OK for YOU to talk to them about it, FS needs to. He can ask them what they might feel comfortable contributing, if at all, but it's not ok for you to ask.

ROFL @ Susan...really? uh, ya. NOT cool.

Susan = troll.

2 posts and both, well, ridiculous.

My FH & I are paying for everything ourselves. My parents want to help, but they've been in a tight spot & I don't want to put that on them. I'm sure they will pitch in wherever needed though. They are throwing the shower, & probably going to do the alcohol too, but we'll see.

As for FH's parents, well, they're *different.* They aren't too keen on marriage. They aren't religious. They were forced to get married - they were happy just *shacking up* (their words, not mine). That's what they wanted for us. They are happy we are together, & they love me like a daughter (they are really great as far as in-laws go!!). They just don't like weddings. Then on top of that, his dad is SUPER FRUGAL!! The wedding they were forced to have cost all of $2,000, 25 years ago (they paid for all them selves). That is good for some, & I understand, that is what they wanted, but his dad is angry about what we want to spend on a wedding, so he doesn't want to pitch in AT ALL.

(con't)

That is something that, IMHO, FH should feel out, and then should be discussed by everyone together (if you want them to pitch in). Traditionally the guys parents pay for the rehearsal dinner, alcohol for the wedding, and flowers. But that's just traditional, any more, things are a lot more relaxed.

My FH and I talked about it, and as far as both of our parents go, they can pay for what ever they want to help with, but we aren't asking them for any money. We are both *professionals* - for what it's worth any more - this economy and all. We just don't want to put the burden on them.

You don't ask. If you insist they contribute to your wedding, have your FH do it. I'm in the same boat as the others who believe that if they family wants to pitch in, great. If not, oh well. That's their perogative. *shrug*

I'll second (or third) the statement that you honestly just don't ask. My FS and I are covering the vast majority of it ourselves...we're both in our late 20s, have been working, etc. It feels silly to have our parents cover the wedding costs--we're grown adults. That said, both of our parents wanted to do something. My parents felt comfortable declaring a set amount that they'd like to contribute and offered that amount to us in whatever way made the most sense. His parents offered to cover the rehearsal dinner and his grandmother wants to help in some way as well.

That said--they all offered. Unless you're getting married straight out of high school, presumably you have some resources, no? Our goal was to get everything within our budget--what we could manage without family help--and to then have the family support be a cushion. We're going above what we'd planned, but that's because the family support was larger than exepcted.

One more thing about the Marriott points. Marriott does have some great resorts in the JW Marriott line depending on where you are planning on going for the honeymoon. The JW Marriott in Cancun is amazing so don't write it off completely yet...

Analy & Sharon...did I miss something? who's susan?

Melissa- the account was deleted. Don't worry about her.

For the record, Mariott points are like free money. How the F is that cheap? If anything, they are being traditional in wanting to give you the honeymoon. A little gratitude goes a long way...

It is my understanding that it is the brides family that pays for reception. The groom is responsible for the rehearsal dinner. I wouldn't ask them too. If they offered I would allow them to assist but would never ask. If too costly don't sweat it just find a more affordable venue. Booking a place too costly for your family and then asking his family to help might be seen as poor taste and even rude by a more traditional family.

Seems like there is a sense of entitlement with a lot of brides and grooms these days. You know if you want to have the big fancy wedding there is nothing wrong with both FS's picking up an extra job. Thats what my husbad and I did and we saved 25k from our part time jobs to pay for the wedding. It was bittersweet to see the fruits of our labor materialized on such an important day and it also taught us lessons with $$, budgeting etc which helps the relationship in the real world post wedding day. If you have a year before the wedding don't sit back and wait for people to hand you $$ go make it!

From the point of view of an officiant, a counselor, a parent and a wife...if you can't pay for it yourself, or don't feel it's your responsibility to, you should wait. If your family or his WANTS to help with part of it, great, but you never ask. Instead, ask yourself what the point of the wedding really is. Stepping into marriage is declaring that you are a FULL adult, with full adult capacities and resources, joining your life with one person with whom you will share all joys and all burdens. I don't mean to sound like I'm scolding, but I feel we've seriously lost track of what a wedding/marriage is about because we've gotten so caught up in the luxurious trappings. From a practical standpoint, if no one else pays for what you choose to do, they don't have any political clout in saying what SHOULD be done. Minimizes the family drama.