How do I ask for gift cards or money instead of gifts?

It's pretty common in my area to ask for cash or monetary gifts. I didn't care if it was tasteless, that is what we need. But then I only have about 65 guest of close friends and family.

I just included it on our website, under Registry. I didn't include a poem, I just explained that we have already started our lives together and have all the pots and pans we need. Instead, we would appreciate "monetary" gifts for home renovations and new furniture. A gift we would use every day!

I encourage you to do what's best for you....although it may not be "proper etiquette " it's 2013 and everything about the world is non traditional, do what you need to do....if your inviting people to your wedding then your situation should come as no surprise....that's the problem it's become more of a show...than about you and your FH. Also what's the difference people ask for "gifts" by doing a registry at a store you are simply asking for a monetary gift instead of items.

If you're going to be rude and ask me for money, at least put on your big girl panties and string together an eloquent sentence rather that pasting a dreadful rhyming insult to poetry on your wedding web site. I don't think your excuse holds much water in 2013, when nearly all guests have their gifts shipped to the adress that the couple specifies on the registry. If you want money because you want money (not hiding behind this excuse of not having money to ship gifts), that's perfectly fine and should be spread by word of mouth and by having a small registry. There are some people who will get you a gift no matter what, so you may as well register and receive something you will use that will be shipped to you. A friend who got married in her hometown before making a big move left a note on the page that said something like, "If you choose to honor us with a gift, we would appreciate it even more if you would ship it to his address instead of the bride's residence ---- since we are moving into our new home right after the wedding."

Yeah. That's just disgusting.. not only that but expecting a gift in the first place isn't right but now pressuring about gifts in a cutesy poem to your guests? IDK. I know you said

"We really don't have a choice, so if you're going to tell me not to do it, I can't really take that advice. Haha! Thank you guys"

So do what ya want but just know how badly it'll look on you to be asking for money.

WOW! Some of these responses are just downright rude and not helpful!

No one knows your situation like you do. SO just put a note on your website explaining your situation, whether you want to use a cutesy poem, or just explain it, they are YOUR family and friends and will understand and love you just the same!

Agreed Kaye....there is def away to say how you feel without being demining or disrespectful. The point of her post was to get helpful ideas! Not to tear down others ideas.

We didn't mention gifts at all. I figured after 10 years together, people must know that we have pretty much everything and having a new toaster wasn't going to be much help to us.

So when people ask, we tell them whatever they feel comfortable giving. I hate asking for stuff specifically.

I understand that some people find it offensive to ask for only gift cards or money, but honestly, we have no choice because we move two days after the wedding and have no way to ship any gifts home. We decided to put in a simple, "We will not be registering anywhere because of the difficulty in shipping items to Massachusetts. If you would like to give us a gift, we request it be gift cards or something similar. Thank you!" and anyone who gets overly offended by that, doesn't need to give us anything anyways. Thanks for your input everyone!

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I completely agree with a few of these girls that some of these posts are just rude. I know, and have heard of a lot of people doing the gift cards, wishing wells Ect. People know your situation so they will understand!

Have the town big mouth that knows and talks to everyone spread the word of your situation to have him or her spread the word 'discreetly ' and tactfully. seems to work much better than posting it somewhere.

I think most people that don't like asking for money are kind of bourgeoisie and care too much about what other people think. The traditional and original idea behind gifts at a wedding wer e due to two people joining a household for the first time and people wanted to shower them with gifts to furnish and complete their new home. In the sixties, only 10% of couples lived together before marriage, now it's 80%. In the sixties, the average age for first time married couple was 22, in 2010 it's 28. Times are changing and why even be so inconspicuous about something so blatant. I'm 28 about to marry for the first time, we clearly have a toaster, why would I just not register so someone can say, "I don't know what she wants, I will just buy a toaster".

I also think it's cultural. In Spanish culture it's very normal to have a "lluvia de sobres" or "envelope shower" wedding instead of having a registry. We were going to use a honeymoon fund website, but we didn't have a clear itinerary yet, so we stated what our preferrence was in our website. Gifts are completely discretionary anyway, we were not expecting anything whatsoever, but gave the option and were honest about what we needed. If you invite people that love you and respect you, they won't think you're being inappropriate. I think it is inappropriate to go return a ton of household items you don't need, and pretend you appreciate them. It's 2014, let's not judge and keep things simple. I bet you people thought it was 'rude' when the idea of a registry was first established, and now it's normal.

Seriously, I do not understand why some people get all wigged out about requesting that gifts come in the form of money instead of toasters or towels or coffee makers or blankets or dishes....

The way I see it, I give a gift to someone because I want to bless him/her. And I'm not blessing that person if I give him/her something that is not wanted, that will either sit in a corner taking up space or have to be dragged back to a store to be returned, probably only for store credit which also may not be particularly useful to the individual involved. If the gift that will bless my friend the most is cash, I am happy to give that. I would want to know if that is the best blessing I can give her. If my contribution goes toward my friend enjoying his honeymoon, buying her first home, or purchasing whatever items she needs to get started in married life, I cannot think of much better ways to bless someone I care about. That's WAY better than burdening my friend with an unwanted toaster that sits unopened until he drags it the to store and then has to figure out what else to buy with the credit.

Times have changed. In the past, people lived with their parents until they got married, usually at a younger age than we do now, and they really did not have toasters, coffee makers, sheets, pillows, blankets, dishes, platters, serving spoons, coffee mugs, pots, pans, skillets, towels, washcloths, clothes hangers etc.... They truly needed those things when they got married. And some people still do if they are getting married relatively young. But a lot of people now have all that stuff before they get married, and often the thing that really would help them get started in married life is cash.

I say let's bless our friends by giving them the gift that would help them most...and if that gift is cash, I want my friends to feel free to tell me so and not be hung up on antiquated etiquette rules from another time and circumstance.

I honestly don't see a difference in asking for gifts and asking for money. Why is it NOT considered rude to have a list of things you want people to buy for you, but it IS considered rude by some to ask for monetary gifts or a Honeyfund? I see it as the same thing.

My fiance and I are in the same situation. We live in Hawaii, but our wedding is in California. Shipping to Hawaii from the mainland costs more than the item a lot of times. Also, we have everything we need and more. We have a 2 bedroom place that doesn't have a lot of space. I can't think of one thing I would register for. I think setting up a Honeyfund or asking politely for monetary gifts instead is completely okay. Something like:

Your presence at our wedding is all that we wish for. However, if you want to give a gift, we will be grateful for a small cash donation towards our new future/house renovations/honeymoon/etc.

I was raised that when you INVITE someone to your celebration...they are your GUEST. You are responsible for them and provide the food and entertainment. They are under no obligation to bring a gift (although usually most will) I am offended to see "cash gifts only, envelope gifts only, no boxed gifts etc..." It is tacky and should never ever be written on the invitation. Statistics show that most guests (78%) will always give cash at weddings. The remaining 22% may need to stretch their funds and shop sales, others may have an heirloom or handmade gift of sentimental value. Again...inviting and then telling the guest what "gift" you are expecting or desiring is, in my book...tacky and lacking proper etiquette.

I almost started a discussion about the same topic. Let's be real here - yes, you are a guest and you are not obligated to give a gift. HOWEVER, I would never attend a wedding and not give a gift!!! The rule of thumb is "You give enough to cover your food and drink." Granted, you shouldn't know how much the bride&groom are spending on each guest & the amount you can afford shouldn't fluctuate based on what they can afford. With that said, one should be courteous and grateful that these special people have spent all this money to host an event, not only for themselves, but for their families to enjoy. Which, from what I've heard from many brides - guests enjoy weddings more than the couple.

Now, someone told me that I should place a blurb on the invitation about monetary gifts only - no. I will not tell people what to give me or insinuate that I am expecting a gift. Registries have the same concept - you are hand picking items because you are assuming your guests will bring a gift. I don't like anyone telling me how to spend my money and I will give the same courtesy to my guests.

I was on the fence before I read this post - but I will not register and I will not include a blurb about monetary gifts. If a guest wishes to give us something, they can call my mom or future mother in law and they will discreetly advise that we prefer money. Sometimes people prefer gifting an item because it "looks" better than an envelope & they have issues with giving money because it immediately shows "how much". If a guest is in a rocky financial situation - they can opt for something meaningful and personal. Those are always very much appreciated as well.

Oh & @Ashley - I died laughing when I read your post!

Thanks for all the suggestion regarding money verses a gift registry. I got a lot out of it. The last wedding I attended the couple said in the invitation "please no gifts to carry away". Clearly an envelope was preferred. My partner and I are planning a wedding for next year. We are marrying later in life and have everything we need. We don't want gifts. I was thinking no registry and possibly saying the same thing. Just thought I would put that out there. this was extremely helpful reading all these responses. could have done without some of the nasty ones but we are all entitled to our opinions. good luck.

It is NOT rude to ask for money instead of physical gifts. People need to be understanding because it may be very inconvenient, and a wedding is supposed to be about a celebration for two people and their commitment in love for each other, surrounded by those who care. With that said, it IS rude to flat out say "monetary gifts only please", or anything like that because it's all about how you deliver that message. You guests don't want to feel used and they certainly don't want to empty their wallets for a seemingly "ungrateful" couple. So be careful with your words, explain your circumstance, and be sure to thank them no matter what. My fiance and I are moving and starting a home together, and we're going home via plane, so I honestly won't have room to pack any gifts. I made sure to let my guests know that we are in fact moving and can't afford to ship huge boxes, and we don't have a registry because we don't really know what we'll need until we move in. If you explain to your guests whats going on, and they love you, don't feel embarrassed because they should understand. Just don't ask for checks.

I don't know why people here are making others feel bad about asking for money. There is always a right way to do it. Me and my fiancé have been together for 7 years...do you think we need new sheets and towels? We are saving for a house and I don't think it's wrong to tell people that. I wouldn't put it on the invite, but to give someone a clear cut reason as to why you are asking for money is helpful. These people that say they would be offended are either 1. Broke and get the cheapest gift on the registry or 2. Mad they didn't think of it themselves! Get your cash honey and start your life out of debt!